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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I made my mom breakfast in bed for her birthday. She was naked when I went to give it to her. FML

#21354690
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29136) - you deserved it (5694)

On 02/12/2015 at 12:23pm - misc - by ahhhhhh (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Welshite's comment : It's not called a birthday suit for nothing.

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Today, my boyfriend threw a fit because I "still" live with my mother at age 30. I bought her an apartment in my building and hired a live-in nurse because she is senile and permanently bedridden. FML

#21354679
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33154) - you deserved it (2200)

On 02/12/2015 at 11:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

feven's comment : You're the logical one here OP. And you might want to get him a nurse too. He seems a little senile himself.

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Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I beat her once again in a trivia game. She said that I was cheating, and if I was cheating on the game, I was definitely cheating on her as well. FML

#21354669
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32077) - you deserved it (2833)

On 02/12/2015 at 11:25am - love - by Vampire Teabag - United States (Texas)

Welshite's comment : She fails at logic and intelligence. No wonder you were winning all the games.

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Today, I had to fall asleep to my next-door neighbors having sex because our walls are paper thin. What bothered me the most wasn't listening to them doing it, but knowing that she was faking it. FML

#21354562
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31610) - you deserved it (2753)

On 02/12/2015 at 2:39am - intimacy - by Mkimmi (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had my performance review at work. Under the "oral communication" category my boss wrote that I "act like an asshole." FML

#21354453
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25197) - you deserved it (5140)

On 02/11/2015 at 10:59pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my boss refused to give me vacation time for my wedding and honeymoon because she didn't have a honeymoon and because of that apparently neither should I. FML

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

#21354315
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18674) - you deserved it (35448)

On 02/11/2015 at 7:40pm - misc - by SDCore (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the CEO of my company leaned over and said, "Hey, I've been meaning to thank you…" I thought he was going to thank me for all of my hard work, but he continued, "…for wearing that shirt today. I can totally see your boobs." FML

#21354210
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32964) - you deserved it (6067)

On 02/11/2015 at 4:51pm - work - by titsmcgee (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my teacher announced that he'd be out for a week because he was going to Vegas. I happily said, "Woo hoo!" Then he finished his sentence by telling me it was because his dad had died. FML

#21354181
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28405) - you deserved it (8646)

On 02/11/2015 at 4:07pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML

#21354177
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28784) - you deserved it (9378)

On 02/11/2015 at 4:00pm - misc - by assholedad (man) - United States

Today, apparently when you tell a hairdresser "A little off the sides." they hear "A bowl cut, please, and make it look extra stupid." FML

#21354162
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31212) - you deserved it (3068)

On 02/11/2015 at 3:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - France (Bretagne)

Today, at a paintball match, my boyfriend shot me between the legs and asked, "Still want kids now?" FML

#21354035
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31223) - you deserved it (3314)

On 02/11/2015 at 11:11am - kids - by maybe? (woman) - Germany (Hamburg)

Today, someone walking my way started waving. I waved back until I realized he wasn't looking at me. To make things worse, while walking past he said, "Get a fucking friend." FML

#21353961
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34553) - you deserved it (3107)

On 02/11/2015 at 8:39am - misc - by TJFuentes (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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