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Today, my dad got over his aversion to tight pants, giving everyone at the DMV a good look at his package in skin-tight blue jeans. FML

#21402857
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24543) - you deserved it (2034)

On 05/01/2015 at 11:25am - misc - by Anonymous -

fifi125's comment : He got them apple bottom jeans (jeans) Boots with the fur (with the fur) Got the DMV looking at himmm

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Today, I told my friends I was kissed by a girl. They said "Yeah, probably by your mom." The sad thing is, they were right. FML

#21402837
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23529) - you deserved it (10358)

On 05/01/2015 at 10:24am - love - by Forever alone - United States (Nebraska)

MrConcise's comment : Why would you even fucking brag about that?

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Today, I was supposed to light candles at my aunt's wedding. I accidentally lit the groom on fire. FML

#21402824
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29734) - you deserved it (5548)

On 05/01/2015 at 9:41am - misc - by why? - United States

MrConcise's comment : Hey, a man has to look good for his wedding. Now he's smokin'.

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Today, my boss told me I ask too many questions and that's why they cut my hours in half. Officially, I'm a "Pharmacy Technician in Training", which means I'm trying to teach myself how to do the job without killing someone. All from on the job experience and an outdated textbook. FML

#21402730
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27790) - you deserved it (2248)

On 05/01/2015 at 2:12am - work - by PharmSlave (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my roommate was making a waterproof iPhone case and decided to use my phone to test it out. It didn't work. FML

#21402720
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29616) - you deserved it (3425)

On 05/01/2015 at 1:30am - misc - by Crombinator - United States (Oregon)

Today, at my house party, I caught my boyfriend having sex with my best friend. His excuse? He wanted to be better in bed for me. FML

#21402521
106 comments

Today, after frantically searching my house and office and calling every place I'd visited in the last 24 hours, I finally found my phone in my fridge. FML

#21402394
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23992) - you deserved it (5941)

On 04/30/2015 at 2:48pm - work - by nerderer (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, a guy asked me for my number. Now I deeply regret giving it to him, because he won't stop sending me Bible quotes and pictures of Jesus. FML

Today, I realized that my new haircut makes me look like a movie star. Not Scarlett Johansson, no. I look like Lord Farquaad. FML

Today, someone at work took my delicate medication out of the fridge to make room for their lunch. Now my medication has expired. FML

#21402350
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30367) - you deserved it (2327)

On 04/30/2015 at 1:33pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Limavady)

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me, all because he thought I was a communist, a sinner, and a terrorist, simply because I think the gay rights are OK, because I agree with some feminists, and because I got blonde highlights in my hair. FML

#21402099
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31668) - you deserved it (5421)

On 04/29/2015 at 11:31pm - love - by Confusedblonde - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML

#21402047
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31094) - you deserved it (9700)

On 04/29/2015 at 10:25pm - intimacy - by MiniJeans - United States (Florida)

Today, I found the eggshells from the nest belonging to the little bird that lives outside my house. They were covered in blood and it was quite obvious that they had been eaten. While I was looking at them, the mother bird came over and attacked me. FML

#21402034
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27542) - you deserved it (3074)

On 04/29/2015 at 10:08pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)



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