Today, I got written up for filing a complaint against IT for unplugging my computer while I was on my lunch break. I found out because one of my workmates warned me. I work with a computer so old, it takes about 40 minutes to get it running. The company refuses to update the equipment, because "it's unnecessary." FML
Today, while out jogging, I was suddenly hit with unbelievable gastric distress. I wasn't wearing brown pants when I set out on that jog, but I sure was when I made it back home. FML
Today, I bought a cheap cake topper online for my sister's birthday. It arrived with the words “Happy Birthday Mom.” I covered “Mom” with icing and thought nobody would notice. My sister's first comment was, “Why does my cake call me Mom?” FML
Today, and every day, I miss my best friend. We haven’t talked in 6 months and probably never will again, and I don’t know how to face down the rest of my life knowing the one person I’m most excited to share it with doesn’t want to be involved. Life goes on, but it no longer sparkles. FML
Today, we heard screaming outside our house. My wife hid the door keys so I couldn’t go outside to help whoever it was. Her excuse? “You don’t ever run towards people screaming! Haven’t horror movies taught you anything? Whoever that is out there, they are not our problem!” Selfish cow. FML
Today, I got excited over a canceled booty call, just so I wouldn't have to clean the apartment. FML
Today, an ex professed her love for me. Over the last couple of months I've been talking to another ex, who I'd give damn near anything to be with again. Both cheated on me, and, thinking about it now, my only thought is, "WTF is wrong with me?!" FML
Today, I got an email statement from my job's HR. Long story short, they are cancelling all pending referral bonuses as they are "too costly" and they determined that my "salary is more than enough." I can still refer more people, though. FML
Today, I went to see a podiatrist, two weeks after having major surgery on my abdomen, only to be told I might need surgery on my foot. FML
Today, I work at a private pool where I can get up to six people in for free. Naturally, I invited my crush. She brought her boyfriend. FML
Today, during gymnastics tryouts, I tried one last move to impress the judge, jumped up but landed crotch first on the beam. I fell off, curled up in pain while everyone just stayed frozen, still waiting on the judge's pick. She barely glanced at me then picked the girl next to me, who ran off happy. FML
Today, I found out about a mistake I made at work when the director brought it up in an all-staff meeting, including staff from a different office. It was the first I time I'd heard about it - along with everyone else. Not as fun as it sounds. FML
Today, I discovered that my mom got my college fund in the divorce. I will never see that money again and now I can’t afford a four year school. FML
Today, I was sitting in my car waiting my shift to start. I must've fallen asleep because I woke up to a call from my boss firing me. I was in the parking lot. FML
Today, I realized that, after waiting until I was 29 to be in a serious relationship, I got with a guy that turned out to be exactly like my abusive piece of shit father. Why? Why God? FML
Today, my wife was all on board with having kids… until she started obsessively following the Lindsay Clancy case. I just got divorce papers, and when I demanded answers, she said the case made her not want to be a mom and wife anymore. Fuck you, Lindsay Clancy. FML
Today, I had an irate patient scream at me to the point security had to be called for not printing out the pictures she wanted. I’m an on call ultrasound tech in the emergency department. She’s only about 7 weeks along and thought she was going to get a picture of a full-sized baby. FML
Today, after I recently started working in Korean company, my manager said, "Speak Korean, this is Korea." I started communicating in Korean for a few days, but then my manager says : "Why you talk to me in Korean ?" FML
Today, my grandpa decided to charcoal-grill some steaks. Inside the house. FML
Today, I finally fixed the squeaky door in my apartment after ignoring it for months. I tightened the hinges, added oil, and opened and closed it several times to check. That night, I realized the noise I'd been hearing wasn't the door. It was my neighbor's wardrobe on the other side of the wall. FML
Today, after months of wondering what a mysterious key I found in an old kitchen drawer unlocked, I finally discovered it fit the lock on a storage unit. I opened it and found a box containing three other keys I had also forgotten about. FML
Today, I bought a fancy reusable water bottle because I wanted to stop buying plastic ones. On the first day, I left it on the roof of my car while loading groceries. I remembered it when I heard a loud clunk at the next intersection. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him. Being dumped wasn't the reaction I was expecting. FML
Today, I volunteered to bring a homemade dessert to a family dinner. I made a cheesecake, decorated it beautifully, and carried it across town on the train. When I arrived, everyone complimented it. Then I realized I'd forgotten the removable bottom of the pan, so the cheesecake was still sitting inside a metal ring and couldn't be served. FML
Today, I left my headphones on the bus and didn't realize until I got home. I used the tracking app and saw they were moving around the city. I followed the location for half an hour before realizing the signal was coming from my own neighborhood because the headphones had been sitting in my backpack the entire time. FML
Today, half of my office urged me to file a complaint against a coworker for aggressive behaviour, so I did. Less than 24 hours later, HR gave him a real dressing down and the whole office turned against me for ratting on him to management. FML
Today, I joined an online meeting from my bedroom and made sure the background looked tidy. About twenty minutes in, my mother walked in behind me carrying a laundry basket and shouted, “Where did you put my bras?” The meeting was with my new boss. FML
Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him, "Hey, I like your balls." FML
Today, I (admittedly dumbly) AI generated pictures of my boss as a joke with my coworkers. They asked me to send them to them but instead I ended up sending it to my boss. A bunch of them were him extremely obese or with his ass out. I can't unsend. FML
Today, after I filed for divorce, the papers were received by my soon-to-be ex-husband on our wedding anniversary. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
