Today, I started my period almost a week earlier than I expected to. I also happened to be at the beach with a guy that I really liked when it started. He was the one who noticed, and he informed me by saying that we couldn't go back in the water or we would be eaten by sharks. FML
by Unsuspecting / 04/16/2016 at 8:23am / United States / Health
XxNekoLovexX's comment : He seems to be pretty light-hearted about it. Regardless, that does suck and I'm sorry Mother Nature is punishing you for not being pregnant.
Today, I went to a karaoke bar for the first time. I'd never sung in front of others, but I gave it a try. I was accused of being way too drunk and was asked to leave. I didn't get kicked out in the end, but I was told that my singing voice sounds like a dying goat. FML
by fuck's sake / 04/16/2016 at 6:54am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/16/2016 at 4:32am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Tripartita's comment : Bahaha, that's not how it works out all! He's supposed to pour it down his urethra an hour before sex. I've created a great kit for doing such a thing, and I'd be happy to sell one to him if he /really/ wants to avoid the whole condom/scam thing.
Today, my 3 year-old woke up with diarrhea. The stench caused him to throw up. My husband started sympathy puking all over the floor. I'm so exhausted already that I'm considering just burning the damn house down to avoid cleaning it all up. FML
by Anonymous / 04/16/2016 at 3:16am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
ellyhan's comment : Your husband should clean up his own vomit.
Today, my fiancé's mom was driving me to the store to pick up my wedding dress. A few minutes into the drive, she said the car's tank was nearly out of "Jews" and that she'd have to give it "a whole lotta gas", then chuckled to herself. She's well aware that I'm Jewish. FML
by Anonymous / 04/16/2016 at 2:01am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had the longest, bloodiest, bloody nose ever when I was at work. I got blood on a few materials as I was running to the restroom. I work in a food factory, so everything had to be sanitized and thrown out. Now management wants me to pay for everything we had to throw out. FML
by Bloody Nose / 04/16/2016 at 1:14am / United States (Missouri) / Work
Today, I was diagnosed with a chronic pain condition. My parents seemed very sympathetic and my mother even cried. When we got home, though, they started laughing and asked if I really believed all the shit the doctor was talking about. FML
by parentalnightmare / 04/16/2016 at 12:13am / United States (Maryland) / Health
Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML
by mute / 04/15/2016 at 8:56pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy
Today, I found out how acidic some of the chemicals I work with are. After a chemical shower, minor burns, and having to throw away my clothes due to a biohazard, I had the pleasure of running across the parking lot to my car, wearing only a lab coat around my waist. FML
by Anonymous / 04/15/2016 at 4:18pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 04/15/2016 at 3:46pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by never dip the wick in crazy / 04/15/2016 at 3:00pm / Romania / Love
by Anonymous / 04/15/2016 at 1:56pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by pissedandpoor / 04/15/2016 at 1:50pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money