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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had my performance review at work. Under the "oral communication" category my boss wrote that I "act like an asshole." FML

#21354453
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25206) - you deserved it (5141)

On 02/11/2015 at 10:59pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my boss refused to give me vacation time for my wedding and honeymoon because she didn't have a honeymoon and because of that apparently neither should I. FML

tj4234's comment : That seems highly unreasonable. If your company has one, try contacting HR. Whilst your boss signs off your holidays, in some workplaces HR needs to approve them as well (basically to log them). So, they should be able to help.

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Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

#21354315
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18679) - you deserved it (35459)

On 02/11/2015 at 7:40pm - misc - by SDCore (man) - United States (Illinois)

Exodiafinder687's comment : What a brilliant plan. It's fool proof. Now you just have to bribe your parents and make sure they don't tell themselves or else you could be in a lot of trouble. Of course, you could also 'dispose' of them, but then how will you explain that when your parents start asking why they don't see themselves around anymore?

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Today, the CEO of my company leaned over and said, "Hey, I've been meaning to thank you…" I thought he was going to thank me for all of my hard work, but he continued, "…for wearing that shirt today. I can totally see your boobs." FML

#21354210
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32982) - you deserved it (6067)

On 02/11/2015 at 4:51pm - work - by titsmcgee (woman) - United States (Illinois)

kjax's comment : Sexual harassment right there!

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Today, my teacher announced that he'd be out for a week because he was going to Vegas. I happily said, "Woo hoo!" Then he finished his sentence by telling me it was because his dad had died. FML

#21354181
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28415) - you deserved it (8648)

On 02/11/2015 at 4:07pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML

#21354177
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28790) - you deserved it (9377)

On 02/11/2015 at 4:00pm - misc - by assholedad (man) - United States

Today, apparently when you tell a hairdresser "A little off the sides." they hear "A bowl cut, please, and make it look extra stupid." FML

#21354162
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31218) - you deserved it (3068)

On 02/11/2015 at 3:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - France (Bretagne)

Today, at a paintball match, my boyfriend shot me between the legs and asked, "Still want kids now?" FML

#21354035
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31226) - you deserved it (3314)

On 02/11/2015 at 11:11am - kids - by maybe? (woman) - Germany (Hamburg)

Today, someone walking my way started waving. I waved back until I realized he wasn't looking at me. To make things worse, while walking past he said, "Get a fucking friend." FML

#21353961
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34554) - you deserved it (3108)

On 02/11/2015 at 8:39am - misc - by TJFuentes (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my new boyfriend with whom I'm completely smitten called me and told me he had an early Valentine's Day gift for me. Gonorrhea. FML

#21353835
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33750) - you deserved it (4011)

On 02/11/2015 at 1:25am - intimacy - by Yupppp. (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my caring way too much about proper grammar got out of hand when I corrected my girlfriend during a talk about her dying grandmother. FML

#21353788
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15754) - you deserved it (33813)

On 02/10/2015 at 11:58pm - misc - by randomdude3890 - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I found out my dad ate my rabbit when I was 6 years old. He'd told me it ran away. I can't be mad at my dad; he's been dead for 5 years. FML

#21353772
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32558) - you deserved it (2322)

On 02/10/2015 at 11:34pm - animals - by jackskellington - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out the only reason my parents want me to live with them is because of the tax refund. FML

#21353677
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28897) - you deserved it (2476)

On 02/10/2015 at 9:26pm - money - by Firewielder (man) - United States (Texas)



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