Today, my best friend invited my ex to eat lunch with her. I wouldn't have found out had I not bumped into them while they were there. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2016 at 2:11am / Miscellaneous

zipJohn's comment : This doesn't seem like a huge issue, unless the breakup was awful and/or very recent. I don't see why your friend isn't allowed to be friends with an ex of yours... Of course if those were her intentions.

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Today, my mom realized that the "door" part in "screen door" doesn't block sound when she began to talk to our neighbours about how much of a failure I am. I heard everything. FML

by Adopted / 06/14/2016 at 5:22pm / Miscellaneous

Tripartita's comment : That's when you say, "In my defense, I was spawned by somebody who can't quite grasp the subtle complexities of a screen door" before shutting the actual door.

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Today, I had a date with a girl I've liked for a while. We went out to a nice Italian restaurant for dinner. I was obviously going to pay, but when the bill came I realized I'd forgotten my wallet. When I told her, she thought I was a cheap liar and now she won't answer my calls. FML

by Iron11 / 06/14/2016 at 4:52pm / Love

TheHeirofTime's comment : Sounds like you dodged a bullet there. Anyone who expects their date to pay and is offended when they don't are usually cheap themselves.

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Today, I was talking to my mum about how I'd quite like to have kids someday. She responded: "Well, nowadays they let singles adopt as well, don't they?" FML

by Forever Alone / 06/14/2016 at 5:26am / Love

Today, I was using the restroom at a gas station when someone hurriedly knocked on the door. Thinking that it was my sister, I playfully said, "Hold up, hoe!" I opened the door to see a goth woman with an edgy haircut giving me a death stare. FML

by Watsausrname / 06/13/2016 at 10:31pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my drunk boyfriend flipped out and told me I was a total control freak, and that he couldn't handle how weird and clingy I am. All I did was ask if his phone was charged. FML

by staciefacecat / 06/13/2016 at 9:03pm / Love

Today, I found out that after interviewing for two jobs at great companies, I was neck and neck with one other person for each position. They both offered the job to the other person. FML

by Bummed / 06/12/2016 at 3:44pm / Work

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old sister, naked, streaming herself eating a banana. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mix it up and find a good place outdoors to have fun. After an hour of climbing up a rocky mountainside to a completely isolated clearing, out of the way of any hiking path, he was still so paranoid that he finished within 20 seconds. FML

by Welpthatwasfast / 06/10/2016 at 3:57am / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to take a break. At least she gave me a parting gift. Lice. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2016 at 9:08pm / Love

Today, I had to hide some Oreos inside my bra to motivate my husband to get close to me. FML

by . / 08/05/2016 at 12:57pm / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Intimacy

Today, I learned that marriage isn't all roses and sunshine. Instead, it's digging an infected ingrown hair out of your husband's ass cheek because he can't reach it himself. FML

by snazz23 / 08/05/2016 at 11:58am / United States (Texas) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mom said my boobs are finally getting bigger and that I've finally hit puberty. I'll be celebrating my 31st birthday next week. FML

by Marteeny / 06/08/2016 at 11:14pm / Miscellaneous