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Today, I took new sleeping meds. One of the side effects was sleepwalking. I had a dream my girlfriend wanted me to pee on her. Apparently, while sleepwalking, I pissed all over our dog. FML

#21423425
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23193) - you deserved it (2640)

On 06/09/2015 at 4:03pm - health - by feels like an asshole - United States

rnarshmallow's comment : At least your girlfriend knows you are willing to pee on her when she asks.

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Today, my dog ran away. I looked for him for 5 hours, and when I came back home, he was waiting for me at the door. FML

#21423389
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25650) - you deserved it (3413)

On 06/09/2015 at 2:39pm - animals - by dBLIZZARD - United States

ghetto_child's comment : 5 hours wasted is better than losing your dog

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Today, my boss yelled at me for being 3 hours late. I was late because I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. Apparently, breaking my arm is not a good enough excuse. FML

#21423323
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26419) - you deserved it (1714)

On 06/09/2015 at 12:12pm - work - by MoonStarShine3 - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

cozzyboy1234's comment : Your boss is a dick. Enough said.

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Today, someone finally told me that they couldn't live without me and that they love me more than anything. It was a student in my year 1 class. FML

#21423302
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23195) - you deserved it (1784)

On 06/09/2015 at 11:15am - kids - by foreveralone - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, the guy I made cookies for, spent hours getting ready for, and drove 3 hours in traffic to see never actually wanted me to come. When I knocked on his door, he opened it, but immediately closed it in my face. He then texted me saying, "I met someone else." FML

Today, I found out the reason my crush has been talking so openly to me. Not because she likes me back, but because she thinks I'm gay. FML

#21423092
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26564) - you deserved it (2181)

On 06/08/2015 at 11:04pm - love - by Not Gay - United States (South Carolina)

Today, at my place of work in a fast-food restaurant, a customer called in and bitched at me that her warm food was weirdly cold. That is, after she drove 45 minutes from the restaurant to her house. FML

#21423053
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24332) - you deserved it (1398)

On 06/08/2015 at 9:47pm - work - by frustratedandunderpaid - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I threw a bonfire for my birthday. My boyfriend managed to set my leg on fire by throwing his liquor bottle into the fire. Happy birthday to me. FML

#21422985
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24053) - you deserved it (2232)

On 06/08/2015 at 7:38pm - love - by firehurts - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the living room where my mother was so I could ask her about something. I found her lying pantsless on the couch trying to cut her pubic hair with a pair of scissors. FML

#21422975
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26075) - you deserved it (1862)

On 06/08/2015 at 7:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML

#21422896
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25641) - you deserved it (2615)

On 06/08/2015 at 3:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I received a package from Amazon. My mum smiled at me when I entered the living room, pointing to my package. She had already opened it and held back her smile. My penis pills for longer endurance just got delivered. FML

#21422808
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26579) - you deserved it (7795)

On 06/08/2015 at 12:00pm - intimacy - by Wrabel (man) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, I found the courage to tell my parents about my boyfriend. They reacted by simply lecturing me for an hour about how much he'll ruin my life and how much they don't like him. They haven't met him yet. FML

#21422783
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25491) - you deserved it (2210)

On 06/08/2015 at 11:08am - love - by howard1954 - United States (California)

Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML

#21422763
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22345) - you deserved it (1843)

On 06/08/2015 at 10:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom



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