Today, I arrived at my internship at 7 am after three hours of sleep with a massive hangover. When I got there, my boss told me he had made a mistake and I was meant to come in next week. He then said, "Well, now that you're here, you might as well get some work done. Come in next week as well." FML

by idontevengetpaid / 09/05/2016 at 12:35am / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Work

jentrynicole's comment : You probably shouldn't have been drinking heavily the night before you were supposed to go in. Even if your boss told you the wrong week, clearly you thought you were supposed to work.

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Today, I discovered that in the three days I left my 18-year-old son in charge, my dog had gotten pregnant. When I confronted my son about it, he stated, "I don't want the reputation of being a cock-blocker." FML

by anonymous / 09/04/2016 at 6:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

mikkyNZ's comment : If you don't want the dog pregnant why not get it fixed ?

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Today, my roommate gave us an hour's notice that she'd be babysitting her 4 youngest siblings in our apartment for an unspecified time. After hours of them running around, intruding, breaking things and one severely injuring himself on our furniture, it turns out they are staying the night. FML

by colibricorolla / 09/04/2016 at 2:16am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boss told me that our old manager didn't do my promotion paperwork, so everyone in the department is getting a chance to interview for a job I've been doing for a month. They also expect me to keep doing it at my normal pay rate until they hire someone. FML

by TheHarvardian / 09/04/2016 at 1:34am / United States (Indiana) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after not hanging out with anyone the whole year, a guy finally asked me to go the movies with him. When I asked what time, he said, "Never mind, I found another girl." FML

by Just Lonely / 09/04/2016 at 1:04am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was feeling a little bored so I decided to go outside for once. Living in Florida is nice and all except for the fact that right now I'm putting ice over two snake bites. FML

by ElaborateScheme / 08/14/2016 at 4:52pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I asked out this girl at work who I've had a crush on for a while. She looked oddly familiar, aside from the fact that we worked together. It was almost like we'd met outside of work. Two hours and one Snapchat story later, I realized I'd asked out my best friend's girlfriend. FML

by okaythen / 08/14/2016 at 3:21pm / United States (Texas) / Love

PBplusJ's comment : Today, my best friend asked out my girlfriend at work, FML

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Today, a cute guy came up to me and asked for my phone number. I was super excited and began to write it down when he said, "It doesn't have to be your real number, I'm not gonna call anyway." I still gave him my real number. FML

by Anon / 08/14/2016 at 6:58am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my bitchy manager got back from vacation. To be nice, I asked her how it was. She said "not long enough". I mumbled "I agree". She definitely heard. FML.

Today, I was looking for a moustache comb, couldn't find it anywhere. Then I noticed it in a basket by the toilet with scissors. My wife's been using it to trim her pubes. FML

by CJ / 08/11/2016 at 9:02pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, after work, I was saying goodbye to my last remaining friend I worked with because she was going to be leaving for college. My manager saw me talking and made me clock back in and work because "If you have time to talk, you have time to work." FML.

by skipperpop / 08/11/2016 at 6:24pm / United States (Iowa) / Work

Today, it was my first day at my new job as a receptionist at a small doctor's office. When the doctor's wife called and asked if he'd stepped out, I forgot the word "Doctor" and instead replaced it with, "medicine man". FML

by professionalmedicineman / 08/11/2016 at 3:25pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I have been training a co-worker in a new position. After two months he still doesn't know how to do any of the work, and I'm stuck trying to do two jobs. FML

by Tatteredgirl / 08/11/2016 at 9:31am / United States (Indiana) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.