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Today, I went down a water slide. Halfway through, I got stuck behind some kids who were blocking the tube. Seconds later, a big-boned lady crashed into my back. Her solution to break the blockade was to start kicking my back repeatedly as hard as she could. The kids still wouldn't move. FML

#21441433
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27704) - you deserved it (1562)

On 07/14/2015 at 6:33am - misc - by ow my kidneys (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Yazoo77's comment : Should have turned back and threw her off the slide

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Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 weeks showed up at my house at 7 AM. I was about to give him a kiss when he said, "Good morning, is Sarah here?" I was confused until I realized he didn't recognize me because I had no make up on. FML

DemHaxBro's comment : Sounds like somebody uses WAY too much makeup, YDI

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Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

#21441357
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23890) - you deserved it (19623)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:03am - intimacy - by EternalBlossom (woman) - United States

Adeptus_Astartes's comment : At least he didn't say, "Who's your daddy?" in return.

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Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured his leg, I tripped and sprained my ankle. At least he was amused. FML

#21441279
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22478) - you deserved it (2031)

On 07/13/2015 at 10:36pm - health - by wintersoldier - Austria

Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML

#21441236
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23777) - you deserved it (2967)

On 07/13/2015 at 9:07pm - work - by Lukey1028 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while walking alone through a sketchy neighbourhood after a party, I learned that I look too broke to even rob and "not worth the bother". Overhead from a guy waiting for me in a bush with a flashlight and his equally charming friend. FML

Today, most of my family was out of the house, so I took the opportunity to go to the bathroom and browse some porn. Five minutes later my sister comes and asks me to disconnect from bluetooth and that my "dinosaur noises" were blocking her and her friend's music. I'm currently hiding in shame. FML

#21441140
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22560) - you deserved it (10781)

On 07/13/2015 at 5:15pm - intimacy - by Nigel - United States

Today, I was on a roller coaster behind a boy who vomited in front of me as the cart shot down. It splattered all over my arm, and a little on my cheek. FML

#21440980
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26181) - you deserved it (1919)

On 07/13/2015 at 11:10am - misc - by carl_carl_ - United States (Kansas)

Today, I woke up early and took my medication to help me focus while catching up on lectures. I ended up spending the whole day focused on fixing my drawer for no apparent reason. FML

#21440955
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22965) - you deserved it (3595)

On 07/13/2015 at 9:56am - misc - by distracted - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was yelled at by a bunch of angry people because I couldn't physically move out of the way while 10 more tried to force their way onto a subway in Shanghai. Then one old lady started hitting me with her purse to get me to move even more. FML

#21440904
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22308) - you deserved it (1756)

On 07/13/2015 at 5:45am - misc - by anonymous - China (Shanghai)

Today, I finally got up the courage to quit my first job. I spent hours determining the most professional way; the method, and the wording I would use. In the middle of the phone call, my manager hung up on me. FML

Today, my bosses were boasting about their work-funded retreat, including the $1,800 bottle of wine the company paid for. This would be fine if they hadn't just told me there are no funds to pay me for the work they've got me doing. We are also the biggest company in our industry. FML

#21440819
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25067) - you deserved it (1600)

On 07/13/2015 at 1:06am - work - by Wolfrunner87 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4am; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML

#21440806
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22460) - you deserved it (2059)

On 07/13/2015 at 12:39am - animals - by 4am blues - United States (Florida)



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