Today, my mom always forgets to close the cupboards in the kitchen. She's not tall enough to hit her head on them, but I am. I have done so at least a dozen times in the past week. I swear, I'm gonna knock myself out on those cupboards one of these days. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was in the kitchen with my mother putting up the dishes. I went to stand up from putting a pot in a lower cabinet and hit my head on the upper cabinet she left open by accident. Hello concussion number nine. FML
Today, as always, my mom slams every door she closes. I faint when I hear loud sounds. FML
Today, my kitchen is trying to kill me. So far, I've hit my head three times on cupboards that opened themselves, cut open my hand on the microwave door when it slammed shut, and burned my cheek with the "heat-proof" oven mitt when I pushed the hair off my face. FML
Today, I opened a cupboard and a brick fell on my head. The same brick my mum put up there to "keep it out of the way". FML
Today, after sweeping up a spill, I managed to break the cupboard door. With my head. FML
Today, I opened the cabinet to take a pill for my headache. After taking the pill, I turned around and smashed my head on the open cabinet door. FML
Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML
Today, at work, I managed to hit myself in the face with a large sheet pan. The force made me back into a shelf, which knocked a box off the top, which hit me in the head and knocked me out-cold. I now have a fat lip, a sore head, and bruises all over from the fall. FML
Today, I was rummaging about in the pantry. When I turned to walk away, the heavy pantry door fell off, struck me in the back of the head, and the wood surrounding the doorknob cracked. When my mom came home, she accused me of "property damage." FML
Today, I tried to get a cup from the designated cabinet. As soon as I opened it, a glass cup fell down, which I narrowly saved from breaking by having it bounce off my foot. Obviously, that didn't feel good. But you know what also didn't feel good? The travel mug falling on my head immediately afterward. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Short people are always looking to kill off tall folks. Your mom is not doing it by accident -- she's jealous of your height. Wear a helmet or install spring-loaded self-closing hinges.
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Comments (1)
RichardPencil 32
Short people are always looking to kill off tall folks. Your mom is not doing it by accident -- she's jealous of your height. Wear a helmet or install spring-loaded self-closing hinges.