By Anonymous - 8/2/2021 02:01 Receptacle Today, I felt sick at work and tried to run to the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth, but saw a garbage can and removed my hand to let it loose. I forgot to remove my mask. FML I agree, your life sucks 837 You deserved it 177 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BG1059 - United States - Irving Today, my best friend since first grade, who I've been in love with for years and finally hooked up with last week, asked me for advice. He wanted to know if he should start a long distance relationship with a girl he hooked up with last night. FML I agree, your life sucks 15241 You deserved it 2033 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cl3v3l4nd5t34m3r - United States - Geneva Today, I got into a fight with my mom over the chores, and stormed out. When I returned later, I found the house had been egged. My mom told my dad she saw me do it, and he won't believe my side of the story. He says I'll be lucky if I see sunlight this summer. FML I agree, your life sucks 29777 You deserved it 4466 200 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By klutz44 - United States - Winnetka Today, I took my 2 year old to the potty in a public restroom. I was just about to set her on the toilet when the automatic flush went off, scaring her and causing her to pee all over both of us. FML I agree, your life sucks 33609 You deserved it 2907 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ambushcat - United States Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML I agree, your life sucks 10478 You deserved it 28530 52 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By chopchop Bad choice Today, I went to a different hairdresser than usual to get 5 inches off my hair and bangs. He ended up charging me half price, saying, "Don't worry, we all make mistakes." FML I agree, your life sucks 1641 You deserved it 230 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML I agree, your life sucks 23189 You deserved it 45368 159 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Confession - Belgium Get the message Today, I've been begging my boyfriend to get us a dog for months now. This morning, I noticed he'd bought some toilet paper with dogs printed on it. I asked him if it was a sign. He replied, "Yeah, one you can stick up your ass." FML I agree, your life sucks 12269 You deserved it 3837 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ann - 13/2/2021 21:28 We're so happy for you, sorta! Today, my boyfriend, who is also a coworker, proposed to me in the parking of the store we work at when it was dark out. He came up behind me, and, thinking it was some creep, I stabbed him with my car keys. The scar will alway help him remember our engagement. FML I agree, your life sucks 893 You deserved it 131 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By blaise - United States Today, my girlfriend of 8 years dumped me. When I asked if there was another guy, she responded, "You were the other guy". FML I agree, your life sucks 168163 You deserved it 13316 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my husband was kind enough to hold my hair back while I was going down on him, but didn't have the thought to comfort me this morning while I suffered the effects of morning sickness. FML I agree, your life sucks 34311 You deserved it 5535 120 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By alejita - United States Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML I agree, your life sucks 56036 You deserved it 9805 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Seems fair Today, so far, 3 of my employees have requested tomorrow off because of "emotional damage" due to Toys 'R' Us closing. FML I agree, your life sucks 3481 You deserved it 329 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, I had to clean up after the kid that discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML I agree, your life sucks 36162 You deserved it 3155 139 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By imfucked Today, I found out the paycheck I deposited on Tuesday bounced. This means that the checks I sent to my landlord, the electric and gas company and my mom will also bounce. When I told my boss, we got into an argument over bank fees and he fired me. I had thumped him, though. FML I agree, your life sucks 1533 You deserved it 232 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Toothless_Lasagna Today, my boyfriend and roommate got into a fist fight over a magic trick. They ended up putting a huge hole in the wall that's going to be expensive to fix. We're renting my boss's house. FML I agree, your life sucks 3349 You deserved it 418 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By oohrahgal - United States - Clementon Today, my boyfriend graduated from boot camp. After the ceremony, I rushed over and tried to jump into his arms. This would have been romantic if he was expecting it. Instead, he fell over and we crashed onto the floor in front of everyone. FML I agree, your life sucks 10095 You deserved it 29885 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 0ros - United States Today, my wife and I were doing it when the phone rang. She answered it, and rode me while carrying on a more than a five minute conversation with her father. FML I agree, your life sucks 29611 You deserved it 4344 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By girlfromnowhere - United Arab Emirates Today, my boss asked me to work over the entire weekend. That would be fine if I didn't already work a 60 hour week. He also said the extra hours on the weekend wouldn't be paid. FML I agree, your life sucks 23633 You deserved it 2096 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Netherlands - Overveen Today, I dreamed a rat crawled up from the toilet and attacked me. Now I'm afraid to even enter the bathroom. FML I agree, your life sucks 18126 You deserved it 3758 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Schrewt - France Today, my friends and I went camping. In the middle of the night, they carried me deep into the forest and left me there. I stepped on a beehive as I walked back to the tent. FML I agree, your life sucks 30543 You deserved it 3147 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Marcus Whitfield Bear of a man Today, I came to the unsettling realisation that the 2XL jacket that was originally 3 sizes too big for me is now a perfect fit. FML I agree, your life sucks 1289 You deserved it 445 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By why? Unreasonable demands Today, my close friend who’s always been incredibly vocal about how much she hates children, never wants to be around them or have anything to do with them, stopped speaking to me. She’s incredibly "hurt" that I asked another friend to be my unborn child's godmother instead of her. FML I agree, your life sucks 1956 You deserved it 144 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML I agree, your life sucks 32180 You deserved it 3778 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kjirut - Norway Today, I realized that the only thing I learned from my first serious relationship was how to fake an orgasm. FML I agree, your life sucks 23467 You deserved it 5032 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, I realized that not only am I still an unpublished author, but I can't even get an FML posted after submitting several in the last year. FML I agree, your life sucks 39201 You deserved it 7631 166 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mustang - United States Today, some jerk super glued leaves and a note onto my car's front windshield. Not only is it directly in front of the driver's seat and makes it nearly impossible to drive, but it won't come off. What makes it worse? I was spending the night at a friend's house and the note was meant for her. FML I agree, your life sucks 32033 You deserved it 2590 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By megan228 - United States Today, my older brother and some of his cute friends came over. When we got inside my mom yells to me "I got you some bigger tampons because you leaked all over your new underwear." They all started laughing. FML I agree, your life sucks 143261 You deserved it 8983 160 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By meggasee - France Today, while having hot sex with my boyfriend, I was experiencing my very first orgasm. Right when my mother walked in. We had no blankets. FML I agree, your life sucks 24735 You deserved it 8249 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lala - United States Today, I used the Print Screen button to take a picture of a really cute bag that I want for my birthday. After emailing it to my mom, I noticed I'd forgotten to close another tab in the browser. The tab had a very suggestive title, for an even more suggestive website. FML I agree, your life sucks 7352 You deserved it 33911 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NewBride - United States - Lincoln Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML I agree, your life sucks 60722 You deserved it 5568 162 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By gettinghotinhere - United States - San Francisco Today, I climbed onto my boyfriend's lap and sexily told him "It's getting hot in here," and started unbuttoning my shirt. He said "Oh," pushed me off him, and went to turn the ceiling fan on. FML I agree, your life sucks 46677 You deserved it 6829 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wtf Get out Today, I came back to my boyfriend's house where I've been staying to find all my things thrown outside, ruined, including my entire CD collection, textbooks and clothes cut up. All because I had left my phone there and had got a text from a guy saying, "Hi, how have you been?" FML I agree, your life sucks 59413 You deserved it 8941 246 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By halfie - United States - Pigeon Forge Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML I agree, your life sucks 10501 You deserved it 33222 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By scumbag - United States Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML I agree, your life sucks 34041 You deserved it 6404 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kevin Today, while at an important meeting at work, I got to watch helplessly as a police officer gave me a parking meter ticket. Added to that my boss chewed me out for "never paying attention and staring out the window during meetings". FML I agree, your life sucks 25428 You deserved it 11289 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 29/10/2020 11:02 The sweet smell of success Today, my dad decided to make home-made popcorn. He accidentally used old fish oil instead of mazola oil. Now the house reeks of fish and we can't even throw the popcorn out for fear of attracting wild animals. FML I agree, your life sucks 833 You deserved it 91 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By underachiever - Australia Today, while on my graveyard shift at an inner-city backpackers lodge, a drunk pissed in a dorm at 4am. I had to clean up after him, wash all the luggage that got dowsed, clean up 2 separate piles of puke, and help 3 drunken Brits back to their room while they abused me. I have a science degree. FML I agree, your life sucks 29919 You deserved it 3908 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By privacy! - 2/5/2021 08:02 Privacy violation Today, I asked my mom to help my daughter with Zoom school while I handled an emergency. When I got back, I found out my mom went through my laptop containing all my documents, my emails and even the journal my therapist suggested I keep. She says she was looking for a Zoom link. Yeah right. FML I agree, your life sucks 1107 You deserved it 102 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ugh - United States - Philadelphia Today, after my parents left for the weekend, my "friends" decided to throw a party at my house despite my protests. In order to get them to leave, I called the police. I was the only one arrested, while they got warnings. FML I agree, your life sucks 52669 You deserved it 9113 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Frustrated - United States Today, I tried to work on my attitude at work. People say I'm mean, so I tried to be nice all day. Apparently I'm now condescending. FML I agree, your life sucks 27252 You deserved it 3938 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, my girlfriend had one of her seizures during foreplay. She’s fine, but I’m not, she had my penis in her hand and while seizing she squeezed it so... I agree, your life sucks 364 You deserved it 19 2 Comments
Today, I'm 3 months pregnant and have seemingly started having sex dreams about other men. Last night, I had a passionate affair with an older man. Who... I agree, your life sucks 255 You deserved it 63 3 Comments
