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The all-time greatest FMLs

Dad of the day

By Anonymous - 04/07/2023 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad is disappointed in me because I came to him for advice on how I should tell my girlfriend I don’t feel ready for sex yet. He just looked at me, shook his head, and walked away. Later he sent my mom to ask me if I’m gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 455

Deadbeat

By stepdaddydoesitbetteranyway - 13/10/2020 20:05

Today, I found out that my ex is expecting another kid. Not only is this a man who tried to hook up with me last month, he's also the one who, when I asked him to pay child support for our two, told me that he could just "make some more". Guess he was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 207

It's called fashion Dave, look it up

By Bogrbon - 21/04/2020 14:00

Today, since we can’t go out due to the quarantine, my wife decided she wanted to shave my back with a razor. Two hours later, I have a sore back and I look like I'm wearing the front half of the worlds ugliest sweater vest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 337

Stormy weather

By Waterboy - 23/04/2022 02:00

Today, I was working at a water park when a storm broke out began. We don’t issue refunds due to bad weather, which made a gentleman very upset. As I explained the policy, explainging it was an “Act of God,” he said, “I’m an Athiest, asshole!” then spat in my face and stormed off. I don’t get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 245

Dumbass

By Ihatepol - 16/10/2021 08:03

Today, a lady asked for a refund for a taco kit because inside the box was just tortillas, seasoning and sauce. When I pointed out the text in small letters that she had to provide her own ingredients, she told my manager I disrespected her by making her feel stupid. I was written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 83

Healthcare is broken

By Anonymous - 01/11/2020 17:01

Today, after driving 3 and a half hours to the nearest major emergency room, waiting 7+ hours to see my grandfather's bowel cancer specialist, we were told to go back to our hotel. Why? The triage nurse never logged my grandfather into the system, so his doctor went home at 9.00 p.m. when he'd finished theatre. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 82

Big Muff Fuzz

By Fartagirl - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, I was using the restroom at school. What I thought was going to be just peeing turned into a humongous fart that echoed in the toilet bowl. Already embarrassed, I opened the door to leave. Two girls, who obviously heard, were giggling and saying, “It’s always the fat bitches.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 207

Drumming up business

By Anonymous - 13/09/2022 21:00 - Australia

Today, it's the fourth day since my partner and I opened our store. Opening day was great, but since then we have had a grand total of two customers. We spent our entire life savings on this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 236

Stop being selfish

By Steph - 27/11/2021 16:59

Today, I live in a country where a new variant of COVID has been found and we have to go through all this garbage again, all because some people believe that vaccines are in violation of their rights and that it's their right to risk all of our lives and livelihoods. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 622

So happy together…

By Anonymous - 30/06/2022 22:00

Today, at a bar, a drunk girl kissed me, so I went home and confessed what happened to my girlfriend. She forgave me but took it as permission to admit she’s cheated sexually at least once a month for over a year, then got mad I didn’t immediately forgive her like she forgave me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 155

Ambien conversations are the worst

By Anonymous - 24/09/2020 23:02

Today, my close friend messaged me, asking if she could still move in. I don't remember the conversation we had saying that she could move in in the first place. I live in a one bedroom apartment. I have no idea what to say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 222

You don't say...

By Sonofaquiche - 27/10/2017 05:00 - Germany - Schweinfurt

Today, I realised that it is, in fact, not a great idea to put aftershave on your freshly shaven balls. Whenever I move it feels like Satan himself puts my genitals into a fiery pit of needles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 3 506

Teamwork

By Anonymous - 24/11/2021 05:01

Today, my newborn daughter has kept me up all day and all night for the past few days. Usually my husband sleeps. I finally cracked and yelled for his help, only for him to scream at me that he needs sleep and gives her to me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 222

Landlords gonna landlord

By Anonymous - 28/12/2022 15:00 - Germany

Today, our landlord came over to chop down our cherished apple tree. While doing so, he ate one of the apples, concurring that they really did taste excellent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 131

This is not a choice

By Anonymous - 20/07/2022 14:00

Today, I came out to my parents. Now my dad only refers to me as "Nancy Boy", and not in a nice way, that’s if he even bothers to speak to me at all. Mostly he just pretends I don’t exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 354

Opportunist

By Tmo - 12/08/2023 08:00

Today, I saw a toddler bolt in a parking lot. Since he was running towards the road behind me, I scooped him up to hand off to his mother. She shrieked, snatched him from my hands, and sprayed me with mace. While I was writhing in pain, some punk kid lifted my wallet and phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 131

The Birmingham School of Business School

By overundereducated - 13/03/2020 18:00

Today, I found out that my stick figure drawing passed as homework during my doctoral level seminar. I'm paying over two thousand dollars for this course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 238

Overly cautious

By Anonymous - 10/02/2022 22:00

Today, my husband refuses to have sex with me until I get my tubes tied. We both agree that we don't want children, but this seems to be an exaggerated reaction since he learned that most birth controls are not 100% effective. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 286

Marriage doesn't solve anything

By Anonymous - 12/03/2021 17:00

Today, my wife told me how she really felt about me, and said she didn't love me anymore. We got married last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 143

Fancy seeing you here

By Anonymous - 26/06/2022 04:00

Today, I finally made it to my hotel in Florida, only to discover my boss was holidaying in the same hotel with her wife. So far I’ve run into them three times, at the pool, in the bar, and in the gym, and every time she ends up asking me work related questions. It's like I never left the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 107