Miscellaneous: Today, just another casual morning. I went to go drop a deuce...

By ohn0es - 23/01/2009 10:45 - United States

Today, just another casual morning. I went to go drop a deuce in the bathroom. Barely being awake I didn't notice my roommates had put glad wrap between the seat and toilet, so i got piss and shit all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 212

You deserved it 5 193

Miscellaneous

Dysfunctional

Another great day to be alive

Divorce impending

By terdberglerforlyfe - 07/12/2014 20:54 - Brazil - Mogi Das Cruzes

Today, my sister turned the volume on my phone way up and changed the ringtone to a woman's blood-curdling scream. I found this out when she called my phone at 2am as I slept next to it. I pissed my pants and fell out of bed screaming in terror. I'll never hear the end of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 743

You deserved it 4 366

By Anonymous - 01/10/2010 09:45 - Canada

Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 061

You deserved it 5 124

By Ouch - 28/02/2015 02:25 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I broke my leg. My mom told me I still have to go to tennis class tomorrow because the course isn't refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 694

You deserved it 2 416

Covid-19 vs. Sex life

By CoronaDating - 23/03/2020 23:10

Today, I've been single for a couple of months. The last time I was single, Tinder and dating apps didn't exist. After figuring out how to be successful with those and setting up several dates, I've already had 3 date cancellations for this week because of the coronavirus. It's going to be a long couple of months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 428

By lk07 - 23/04/2019 12:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 989

You deserved it 353

Kids…

By Satan'sChildren - 28/04/2013 02:30 - United States - Oak Creek

Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 522

You deserved it 3 245

By silentbutdeadly - 27/04/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 980

You deserved it 77 487

By Kristache - 02/07/2009 08:31 - Canada

Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 155

You deserved it 16 334

By Chaznuts - 08/09/2009 06:22 - Australia

Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 452

You deserved it 5 193

By please knock - 13/09/2016 23:26 - United States - Needham

Today, I went in the one-person bathroom at work to pee. Next thing I know, a woman forced the locked door open and walked in on me, because she didn't believe another person who said, "I think someone is in there." I'm reluctant to use that bathroom in the future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 406

You deserved it 1 208

True Love Waits

By anonomus - 01/06/2010 01:35 - United States

Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 576

You deserved it 70 145

Who am I?

By Anonymous - 25/07/2020 08:01

Today, while having hot passionate sex with my boyfriend, while I was moaning his name, he was coming to release and yelled out, "NO, THIS IS PATRICK!" His name isn't Patrick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 486

You deserved it 438

By Anonymous - 01/08/2019 09:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I caught my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been as mortifying if they weren't doing it in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 330

You deserved it 201

By nosexlife - 12/09/2009 15:31 - United States

Today, I was with my seven year old daughter purchasing my husband a present for his birthday in a few weeks. At the register, in the very long line, I asked her where we could hide his present so he wouldn't find it, she responded loudly with "Hide it in your room! He never goes in there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 599

You deserved it 5 008

By Jioune - 05/07/2016 21:56 - France - Caluire

Today, I learned that my friends nicknamed me Snow White, not because I’ve got dark hair and very pale skin, but because I “only hook up with tiny dudes”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 469

You deserved it 2 524

By grenade - 17/07/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, I was at a club with my friends, when a group of guys approached us. It got quiet for a second, and I heard one of them say, "It's okay, I've got the fat one this time," then walk over and start talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 925

You deserved it 7 880

By me - 07/03/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, I apologized to my boyfriend for thinking he was cheating on me right before another girl posted pictures of them together on her myspace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 854

You deserved it 3 878

By ...thanks honey - 18/08/2010 06:23 - United States

Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 424

You deserved it 14 980

Lonesome Tonight

By Is_This_Real - 30/03/2016 20:46 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, the only constant person in my life is the guy that smokes outside my apartment building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 050

You deserved it 1 512

He protecc

By arianelagolden - 04/08/2016 07:27

Today, I saw our boss, visiting from the USA, press the button on the coffee machine, probably thinking a cup will drop automatically. I grab a cup in the cupboard and put it under the now pouring coffee. Next thing I knew, I'm lying on the floor, my boss's bodyguard on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 103

You deserved it 1 336

By -___- - 14/09/2013 00:37 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, while out jogging with my mom, we saw my boyfriend walking in our direction. When we reached him, he took one look at my makeup-less face, then made a huge show of screaming in disgust before calmly walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 553

You deserved it 5 615

By Sivvus - 20/04/2011 16:13 - Reserved

Today, I paid £140 for a train ticket. All the seats were full. When I sat in the corridor the guard yelled at me. I paid £140 to stand outside a stinking train toilet for 7 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 769

You deserved it 3 326

By tigerfiend - 17/02/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, I went to a plastic surgeon's office with a friend. The doctor walked in and before he could look at the consult papers, he started explaining the lipo suction procedure to me. I had to interrupt him and tell him that I was only there for support for my friend's nose job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 624

You deserved it 5 752

Mind-boggling logistics

By Anika - 23/06/2021 18:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. He married someone, and got another girl pregnant. We were together for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 98

By mrmidi - 21/05/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I learned two important facts: #1 A grown man can, in fact, get beaten up by a teenage girl, and #2 If someone is convinced you are someone else, there is no telling them otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 412

You deserved it 4 268

By hmb - 16/09/2010 18:50 - United States

Today, my dog used my stomach as a trampoline to jump onto the couch. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't still recovering from having my appendix removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 006

You deserved it 2 898

Great customer service, thanks!

By Eli Maldonado - 29/05/2021 17:01

Today, I called customer service for my phone. We talked for a while and the man was very nice to me. Too nice. Right before hanging up, he said, “Have a good day ma’am!” He was flirting the whole time and I didn’t realize it, and he didn’t that I’m a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 132

By Lesley - 17/02/2009 01:11 - United Kingdom

Today, while at work I was reading "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" to me class of 5 year olds. I got near the end of the book and said "Look at the big fat caterpillar" to which one of my pupils replied "Just like you, Miss!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 917

You deserved it 6 058

Technique

By onlyintx - 19/07/2021 11:01

Today, after 3 days of vigorously scrubbing primer on the walls with a painting roller, I finally realized that simply re-wetting the roller after each stroke is the correct and easier way. Dang, can I be slow to catch on sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 882

By Anonymous - 04/12/2015 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, after years of loneliness, I met the most amazing girl on Omegle. We spoke for ages and really clicked. But before either of us could exchange numbers, I lost my internet connection and her along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 883

You deserved it 3 323

By BadatDIY - 16/11/2009 14:04 - United Kingdom

Today, the maintenance workers finally came to my apartment to fix the shower-head that kept falling off the wall. I was annoyed because they had replaced it a few weeks ago and since then, it'd been a problem. They went into my bathroom, turned the shower head around, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 941

You deserved it 27 555

By FML - 05/10/2014 23:30 - United States - Houston

Today, I got robbed. I just moved so I didn't have much in my new house. They did decide that my cat was valuable enough to steal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 694

You deserved it 3 153

By poorman - 18/11/2013 22:14 - United States - Derwood

Today, I realized that my 5 year old son has more money saved up in his piggy bank than I have in my actual bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 899

You deserved it 10 302

Ruined art

By annie - 17/11/2020 00:08 - United States - Denver

Today, while sitting on a bench drawing, some guy went up to me, yelled, “YOUR ART SUCKS” and flipped my sketchpad out of my hands. I’d been working on that piece for hours and now there’s a big black pencil streak on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 61

By HeadTrauma - 20/01/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, I had a dream that I was 25, unemployed, living with my parents, and still completely in love with someone who no longer feels the same way about me. Oh wait... it wasn't a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 266

You deserved it 6 871

By Anonymouse - 07/11/2015 02:03

Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 826

You deserved it 2 147

Candid camera

By Anonymous - 08/05/2020 23:00

Today, I prominently touched my boobs and put my hand inside my shirt to adjust my bra… all while I had my camera on during a Zoom meeting with the whole department FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 1 582

By anonymous - 13/11/2015 00:00 - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend rather stupidly assumed that because my vagina is no longer in use after giving birth, we would automatically start having anal sex. After I loudly explained how that wasn't happening, he then had the nerve to ask for a blowjob before we'd even left the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 174

You deserved it 3 911

By gooddeedgonebad - 26/05/2013 09:19 - Australia - Upper Swan

Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight of stairs. When I got to the bottom, a man tackled me to the ground thinking I was stealing the woman's luggage. As I lay in pain, he ran up the stairs to return the suitcase and the poor woman had to carry it down on her own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 823

You deserved it 3 211

By jazzybell - 21/11/2011 00:29 - United States

Today, I found out that a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser will erase the paint right off your wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 203

You deserved it 6 710

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Superman8_fml 0

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Thursday 5 March 2009 2:58

go to the dollar store and buy some alarm clocks. set them for different times and hide them in their room, always a good prank. :)

Lizo_fml 0

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Wednesday 4 March 2009 7:21

that is toooooo fucking funny. not really life fukkery tho. Just a prank. Think of some wicked way to get back at em!

Lizo_fml 0

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Wednesday 4 March 2009 7:21

that is toooooo fucking funny. not really life fukkery tho. Just a prank. Think of some wicked way to get back at em!

YourAFailmod 4

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Sunday 13 May 2012 4:09

Don't get mad get glad!

Superman8_fml 0

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Thursday 5 March 2009 2:58

go to the dollar store and buy some alarm clocks. set them for different times and hide them in their room, always a good prank. :)

Victor_90 0

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Thursday 5 March 2009 17:42

@5 meaning of #3 if the poster isnt a chick its a dude with a small penis

Imthatgirlthere 0

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 4:45

I was about to ask why she would do that. Go put green hair dye in her conditioner and ask a guy friend to jizz in her lotion.

jimmypham1025 0

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Saturday 14 March 2009 1:47

Ummm.... Who the hell puts glad wrap on the toilet?

eehizle 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 4:54

pranksters.

oulala_fml 0

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Thursday 19 March 2009 9:30

hahahhaaaa thats soo funny! but i'm sure they got that idea from an episode of Friends :)

monkeys488 0

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Saturday 21 March 2009 17:15

wow thats a great idea!

cherrykitty86 0

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Friday 27 March 2009 17:01

haha dude that is so sick lol im going to do that to my bf

could_be_funny 0

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 3:33

hahaha #8 that may be taking it too far...

Etc80 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 3:32

Ick, I've heard about this joke, but never really though people actually DID it. It's just diGUSTING. I like the idea with the alarm clocks. Or if they're girls and use blow-driers: Put flour in them (the blow-driers). Or put toothpaste in their shampoo-bottle or something. Anything to get revenge.