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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Stewtato - 12/07/2019 22:30

Today, a bat flew into my house. We locked it in my brother's room, complete with cats, and just barely got it back outside alive. We later found out it was an endangered species, so we also narrowly avoided arrest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 436

You deserved it 536

Caddy Shack

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 14:00

Today, I've had people calling the golf course just to ask what the weather's going to be like tomorrow. I’m a golf professional, not the weather man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 435

You deserved it 179

Who am I?

By explain please! - 05/08/2022 22:00

Today, my sister and I decided to do one of those online DNA tests just for fun. Our mom came in, saw all the stuff on the table, and lost her mind. She started bawling and apologizing. Apparently, neither one or neither of us actually belong to my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 435

You deserved it 125

Knowledge

By Anonymous - 03/09/2021 02:01

Today, my mom hit me in the face after an argument she didn't win. According to her, Mexican and American are languages, and not dialects or nationalities. She even argued with my teachers, and threatened to remove me "from a school full of uneducated people" after they told her I was correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 435

You deserved it 121

Honesty is the best policy

By Anonymous - 19/06/2020 02:00

Today, I finally went on a date with a girl I've been talking to for 2 years. She is my dream girl, picture perfect and I love her with all my heart. So I asked her, half jokingly, if I was her dream guy. Her reply? "Don't ask me something you don't want to hear the answer of." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 435

You deserved it 1 284

Oh, he's a "Nice Guy"

By undateable - 18/10/2020 02:01 - United States

Today, I tried to drown out the petulant whining of my idiot coworker as he droned on and on about how, “bitches don’t appreciate good men.” He’s 35, lives at home, still uses the term 'friendzone' and has the hygiene of a sewer-dwelling ogre. I was written up for for snapping and yelling at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 228

Gone to the dogs

By Anonymous - 02/06/2022 22:00

Today, my girlfriend started crying because I occasionally text a work friend, for whom I have zero interest in. My girlfriend's medication has completely killed her sex drive and she no longer wants to be touched at all. She acts like hanging out with anyone is a chore. My social interaction is down to just our dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 218

Management

By Anonymous - 14/11/2020 02:02

Today, I was fired because I spoke up about a supervisor mistreating me. The assistant VP spent the meeting demeaning me to “teach me a lesson” and then said she was firing me because I “stirred the pot." Man, I really loved that job but I won’t miss the toxic work culture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 133

Can't catch a break

By Anonymous - 16/09/2020 16:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I’ve been working 4 months to cover people isolating, so I was finally looking forward to a Saturday of fishing, a date night then a lazy Sunday watching TV. Only my wife who, as soon as she heard I had a whole weekend free, handed me a list of vital house jobs that need doing, “NOW NOW NOW.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 230

You sure you wanna do this?

By Anonymous - 08/10/2022 09:30

Today, my husband finally was ready to have sex, even though he feels it's a bit weird because I'm pregnant. Due to morning sickness, I threw up all over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 301

By geniusdrunk - 09/08/2019 02:00

Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 726

Friends theme music plays

By Anonymous - 24/06/2020 05:01

Today, I realized that having the apartment bathroom next to my bedroom space isn't so great and convenient when it's occupied by my evil roommate, Fartzilla. I hear every constipated grunt, despite having music turned up. Worse, it's like living next to a poop-pourri factory. Nose bleach, anyone? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 210

It's the new thing!

By Anonymous - 25/10/2019 06:02

Today, I fell asleep while at an outside birthday party in the sun for a five-year-old. That five-year-old put an animal cracker on my forehead. I now have a rhino-shaped tan line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 1 046

Architect

By RachelMc - 12/12/2022 21:00

Today, my husband of 4 years announced that he doesn’t love me anymore and that he’s leaving me for his coworker who he met 2 months ago. I helped him find that job. It’s like I aided in the destruction of my own marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 134

Run, run now

By SoakingWet - 23/01/2023 03:30

Today, my wife of one week changed locks of the house and put my stuff outside. A letter addressed to “Elizabeth” had arrived in the mail. She thinks it’s my “secret side wife” and that I’m cheating. She was actually the previous owner of the house. My wife told me to, “Tell that lie to someone else.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 175