Today, I fell asleep while at an outside birthday party in the sun for a five-year-old. That five-year-old put an animal cracker on my forehead. I now have a rhino-shaped tan line. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friend thought it would be funny to put a pretzel on my forehead while I was sleeping on the beach. I now have a pretzel-shaped tan line in the middle of my head. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
Today, I was at a sleepover for a friend's birthday. It was great, but after sleeping on their pull out couch, I woke up with six pimples on my face and a rash on my back. FML
Today, it was lovely outside so I decided to tan outside. I burn pretty easily, so I put on sunscreen. I fell asleep on my side, so when I woke up, I had a massive burn on only one side of my body, with sunglass lines. Tomorrow, I have a job interview. I'm going to go in looking like a racoon. FML
Today, my daughter and I went to the carnival and had our faces painted. When we returned home hours later, I realized I have a deep sunburn all around my face, except for the skin under the paint in the shape of a gecko. FML
Today, my family and I went on a picnic in the park 45 minutes drive away from our house. I fell asleep beneath a tree. They left me there. FML
Today, I decided to take a nap in the park. I found a nice shady spot and closed my eyes. When I woke up, I realized I had fallen asleep on an ant hill. My entire body was riddled with ants. FML
Today, a day after I went to the beach and fell asleep in the sun without applying sunscreen, I woke up to find myself looking like a lobster, with the worst tan lines possible. On top of that, I had to go to a wedding, and when I walked in, my cousin asked if I had “taken a bath in some tomato soup.” FML
Today, I fell asleep on the way to a pool party and woke up covered in sharpie swastikas and dicks. FML
Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML
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Top comments
coolmike699 26
How do you fall asleep at a birthday party for 5 year olds? Do you have a sleep superpower or something?
RichardPencil 32
Be glad they didn't pass out penis-shaped cookies?
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Comments (8)
coolmike699 26
How do you fall asleep at a birthday party for 5 year olds? Do you have a sleep superpower or something?
RichardPencil 32
Be glad they didn't pass out penis-shaped cookies?
Surewhatever 36
Ha, that was my first thought too!
Mungolikecandy 19
I have been to a party for five-year-olds. It would take a lot of happy juice to be able to fall asleep during one,
mfranks19891989 10
Could be worse you could have a penis on your far head.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Silly kid. That's not how you give someone a rhinoplasty. ...The penis cookie jokes have been done already...
E2dav 5
Time to get the fake tan & cover it up