Today, I thought my car had been stolen because I couldn’t for the life of me find it in the office car park. I panicked and called the cops, only to remember I had taken my bike to work. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I took the bus after work. When I got to the remote parking lot, I realized my car had been stolen so I called the police to report it. When they came to take a statement and asked me when was the last time I saw my car was, I replied, “This morning, when I drove it to wo… Oh.” FML
Today, I went to retrieve my stolen wallet from a train station. After I collected it, I returned to the place where I'd parked my bike, only to find that my bike had been stolen. FML
Today, I decided to bike to work. I normally forget the key to my lock, so I leave it out back and hope that nobody takes it, and nobody does. I finally remembered my lock key so I chained it up. After my 7 hour shift, I walk to the back only to find the lock had been cut, and my bike was gone. FML
Today, my bike was stolen. These things happen, so I went to work. On my walk to work, a girl pulls up on my bike and says I needed to fix the brakes, someone could kill themselves. She hands the bike to me and runs off. Not even 3 minutes pass before police surrounded me and accused me of stealing my own bike. FML
Today, I rode my bike to the store because I only had a few things to pick up. When I walked back out after five minutes, my bike was stolen. I had gone to the store to buy a new bike lock. FML
Today, my car was stolen from my driveway. I reported it to the police, the insurance company, and my neighbors, and begged for help via social media. As I walked to catch a bus, I saw my car parked outside my school. I forgot I left it there last night. FML
Today, I went through my purse to see where my keys were. I found my house keys, but not my car keys, so I freaked out. When I remembered that I was driving, I felt stupid. FML
Today, I realized that my bike was stolen. It was no big deal, my name and number was on it, but it was a crappy bike anyway. I live 3 miles away, and while I was on my walk home I noticed a bike had been thrown through my principal's window. Who's bike was it? Mine. FML
Today, I finished my shopping at Costco, and realized I'd forgotten where I had parked. After scouring the parking lot for 20 minutes, I called the police and filed a report for a stolen vehicle. I then remembered I had bought a new car yesterday and parked it right next to the entrance. FML
Today, I couldn't see my car in a crowded car park. I pressed unlock on my keys and saw the lights flash. As I walked over I also saw someone run from my car with an armful of my stuff. FML
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