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The all-time greatest FMLs

By ahhahaha - 12/08/2009 03:07 - United States

Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 52

ahhahaha tells us more.

ahhahaha 0

Wednesday 12 August 2009 17:25

Okay this is my FML and to address everyones comments- yes the name candyman was thaught of and is used. And I can't believe only one person figured out that it's simply a midlife crisis issue. And yeah, I put it under kids for a reason. It is FML because I can't use it against him cuz he's too much of an ass. And for another reason that will be posted as another FML. Thank you and goodnight

Social bumbling

By A massive racist, apparently - 09/06/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, I found out it's apparently racist to point out that a person has a unique spelling for a common name. I then found out it's even more racist to yell at the person who tells you in a very condescending tone that "it's a common spelling," even though I've literally never seen it before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 868

Nice try, Doris

By Anonymous - 17/05/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law called my boyfriend, who is four years younger than me, to try and persuade him to go to a funeral, because there would be cute girls there his age there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 128

Cool story

By Anonymous - 22/12/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, on our twelfth wedding anniversary, my wife fell asleep at a fine dining restaurant table within seconds of asking me about my exciting job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 103

Stinky

By PUE - 23/07/2022 04:00

Today, I found out I’m the “smelly girl” in the office. Now I understand all those passive-aggressive subtle comments about hygiene and showering made by my coworkers, and why a bottle of Dial body wash randomly appeared on my desk one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 1 574

Rude!

By Fred from NY - 22/07/2024 06:00 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was showing my grandma how to use emojis on her new smartphone. After she sent a cute smiley face, she went on to send a string of random emojis, including the eggplant and the peach, to her church group chat. When she found out the meaning those emojis usually have, she tried to ground me, even though I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 101

Company policy

By Anonymous - 15/09/2024 20:00 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I just wanted to let Spectrum Internet know that there's a wire down a block north of me, but all they wanted to do was schedule a fucking appointment for ME! Why are there so many fucking idiots in this goddamn world? FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 106

Take a chill pill

By Anonymous - 01/12/2023 09:00

Today, my smartwatch decided I needed a "stress level" alert during a perfectly calm meeting. It vibrated aggressively, and my boss suggested I take up yoga. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 167

When you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail

By Anonymous - 30/12/2025 12:00

Today, my dad insists he knows best when it comes to DIY, since he is a big mathematics professor, while I am a mere labourer with dozens of City and Guilds qualifications. He owns one hammer, an unopened screwdriver set, and a wood saw with a broken handle, but sure, he knows better than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 83

Neighborhood watch

By Anonymous - 12/04/2026 15:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, we have a man prowling the neighborhood, soliciting donations to a fake charity, all while he is casing the neighborhood and asking us about our valuables. The cops refuse to do anything about it, except tell us we will probably get robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 80

Bigmouth Strikes Again

By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 04:03

Today, I was involved in an intense argument with my dad. Just as I yelled, "You haven't done one thing for me", my phone rang. The same phone that, as of today, my dad no longer pays the bill for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 5 156

The plan

By Anonymous - 29/03/2024 06:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I'm facing the truth that the women I married, in large part to bring my long-lost family together, was too successful as she slept with one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 186

Weird romance

By Mike - 10/06/2021 08:01

Today, my coworker and I have been sharing the same girlfriend for over a year. She doesn’t know that we each know about the other, but now it’s all over. She blocked both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 971

Teenagers…

By Anonymous - 19/08/2025 22:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, my sister is being a complete jerk, hogging the TV (we listen to music on it) and is being bratty about it too. She smirks at me behind my parents' back, and says snarky comments too. When I tell my parents about it, then she acts all innocent and LIES, and then they don't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 140

Pity party cancelled

By Anonymous - 01/04/2023 22:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, and every single time someone I actually feel comfortable with comes into my life, I end up fucking everything up. Whenever they don't reply, I won't for a while too, just to see if they'll check on me but they never do. Am I really that shitty? Is it so bad that I want to feel wanted? FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 686

It's all too much

By Anonymous - 16/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I came home to my wife who was drunk and sobbing. I’d left her alone with my kids from my first marriage along with ours and I guess they acted up so bad they made her break her sobriety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 216

Karma?

By Pristine-Praline-977 - 02/09/2025 15:00

Today, it's been 5-ish years since I bought my condo. Last year, my washer became unbalanced and flooded my entire place and I had to do a total remodel. Everyone said, “What a freak accident, nothing like this will happen again!” Today the hot water supply line to the sink burst and flooded my condo. What did I do in a past life? FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 79

Double whammy

By Anonymous - 25/02/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I had to go to my parents' house and interrupt their "private time" to tell them that grandpa is in the emergency room. For those of you who are wondering if it gets any less traumatizing and/or awkward as an adult: it doesn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 109

Chloramine time

By Anonymous - 28/07/2025 00:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend offered to wash the bathroom while I was at work. I came back home to find her feeling unwell with a bad headache. She had mixed drain cleaner with bleach because she thought it would make the bathroom cleaner. Now my entire house is a mini gas chamber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 103

Late fee

By Anonymous - 22/11/2023 18:00 - Spain - Madrid

Today, I woke up earlier to food prep for lunch later. Just as I was preparing the ingredients, I dropped a thick glass saucer on the kitchen counter and it shattered like a hail storm - everywhere in the kitchen. I ended up spending more time cleaning it out and obviously logged in to work later than usual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 134

Cuckoo

By Fuck them both - 26/05/2026 15:00 - United States - Secaucus

Today, my mom gave me thirty days notice to find an apartment and move out. Why? She's dating my former best friend and wants to move him in, but he won't do it until I'm gone because it would be "awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 72

Hang in there, man

By Anonymous - 08/11/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, my best friend of five years left cause I “followed them” and that made me depressed, then I couldn’t go outside or to class anymore cause I was too depressed, then my girlfriend, whom I was going to marry, left me because, you guessed it, I was too depressed. Now I’m in a mental hospital for trying to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 217

Belly bounce!

By Karen - 24/05/2024 00:00 - United States - Solon

Today, a customer greeted me with, "So! When's the baby coming!?" I'm NOT pregnant. I just gain weight in my guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 192

Rejection Hurts

By FML Approved - 20/10/2017 04:00

Dating is so difficult these days...

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 134

Modern love

By Angang - 07/07/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend of three months only posts me on his Close Friends stories instead of his main stories, because he’s afraid of hurting his close female friend who he'd put in the friendzone. Apparently, she can’t stand him moving on with me. He values her opinion more than his relationship with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 119

Flies gonna fly

By Defeated - 10/10/2022 23:40 - United States

Today, I've become so accustomed to having flies in my house that I just gave up on getting rid of them. I only kill the ones that repeatedly land on my face or, worst of all, in my ears. Especially when they get stuck in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 780

Chancer

By Anonymous - 18/10/2025 22:00

Today, on day one of opening my first restaurant, a customer complained his chicken fried steak contained only steak and no chicken. I thought he was taking the piss but no, he was just that dumb, and he refused to leave until he got a refund despite having eaten it all. I had to call the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 73

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 18/12/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, my bank, being overly paranoid about fraud, declined my Christmas purchase on Amazon because I usually don't spend that much all at once. Instead of Amazon simply asking to try the card again, they instead switched to a different card in the wallet. Which would be fine, except it's a shared family account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 142

Hustle culture

By Anonymous - 02/07/2024 14:00 - Canada

Today, my brother has decided to hustle hate groups. Everyone, including the police, think he's some sort of Robin Hood. I wouldn't have a problem with this, except he's trying to recruit people. Any day now we're going to be attacked by Nazis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 139

Say it, don't spray it

By Anonymous - 05/05/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I was giving a presentation in front of my class. Mid-speech, I felt a sudden urge to sneeze and tried to hold it in. Instead, I let out the most obnoxious, window-rattling sneeze imaginable, complete with a spray of snot, which landed on my notes. I think I traumatized my classmates for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 123

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The Top

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to celebrate our 4-year anniversary with a shadow box I had made for her of our memories over the years. I left her house single, with a small bag of "breakup candy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 353

You deserved it 1 739

Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 674

You deserved it 3 382

Today, I was getting ready to go to a surprise party I'd planned for my best friend. All was going well on the discretion part until I logged onto Facebook. I saw that my sister had set her status to, "At Natalie's surprise party! BBL!" Natalie had liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 172

You deserved it 3 303

Today, in the shower, a dime fell on my foot. The only place it could have come from? One of my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 819

You deserved it 82 499

Today, after talking to the bank, I'd have to take a pay cut to qualify for a home loan. I'm still confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 680

You deserved it 148

Today, I was standing in line at a burger joint, facing my social anxiety and practicing my order in my head so I wouldn’t mess it up. When it was finally my turn, I panicked and said, “One large confidence, please.” The cashier just handed me a straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 143