By FML Approved Subway Surfer on a Mission You know he's got something important going on... 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jenny - United States Today, for our 8 month anniversary, my boyfriend bought me a hideous necklace with ugly charms hanging off it. I wore it anyway and got a rash from it on the side of my neck. After seeing the rash my boyfriend accused me of having a hickey from another guy and broke up with me. FML I agree, your life sucks 69223 You deserved it 4804 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Don't text and work - France Today, at work I got told off by my manager for texting while working. Enraged by this, I trash talked her to the new girl at work. The new girl, a.k.a. my manager's daughter. FML I agree, your life sucks 10121 You deserved it 68668 144 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By eagerbeaver - United States Today, I figured out that a $40 phone case does not protect your $500 phone from a five year old throwing it off a fourth story balcony. FML I agree, your life sucks 44057 You deserved it 8857 154 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, I was flirting with a really hot guy at a track meet and I gave him my number. When I asked him what school he went to he replied, "Oh, I don't go to school, We're from the juvenile corrections facility." FML I agree, your life sucks 67086 You deserved it 24464 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary Today, my husband of 3 years learned that he's going to be a father. No, I'm not pregnant. FML I agree, your life sucks 68433 You deserved it 4235 159 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Philippines - Quezon City Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML I agree, your life sucks 30742 You deserved it 3717 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FueledByFate - United States - Phoenix Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML I agree, your life sucks 21617 You deserved it 1764 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so i tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML I agree, your life sucks 21229 You deserved it 122746 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By erdot - Romania - Bucuresti Today, after 7 years of writing my PhD thesis, I found a book containing all the exact findings I've spent arduous hours, nay, years discovering. My tutoring professor somehow forgot to mention I was discovering sealing wax. FML I agree, your life sucks 1835 You deserved it 588 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By uncleaning - United States Today, after I cleaned out the fridge of things that expired months ago, my roommate got angry and insisted upon pulling all the moldy dairy products out of the garbage and putting them back because "they weren't mine and I shouldn't throw out other people's food." FML I agree, your life sucks 45388 You deserved it 4562 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By xRyu - United States - Denver Today, I found out via a voicemail from my boss that my hours are being cut. He said, "They said I can't fire you, so you'll only be getting 20 hours a week. Starting today." Who'd they give my other 20 hours to? The one person that calls off sick almost daily and is never on time. FML I agree, your life sucks 35134 You deserved it 2826 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while looking through a stack of possible pictures for Facebook, I found one I really liked, until I noticed that I have recently developed a bald patch. Problem? I am a 22 year old woman. FML I agree, your life sucks 32912 You deserved it 3039 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Watsausrname Today, I was using the restroom at a gas station when someone hurriedly knocked on the door. Thinking that it was my sister, I playfully said, "Hold up, hoe!" I opened the door to see a goth woman with an edgy haircut giving me a death stare. FML I agree, your life sucks 12739 You deserved it 5931 34 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By zuper_duper - United States Today, after six months of dating, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because my "obsession" of being on the computer and playing games all the time was cutting into "our time". She then told me to "get a life" and never wanted to see me again. She told me all of this on WoW. FML I agree, your life sucks 29063 You deserved it 52650 223 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LindseyS - United States FML: Uncensored Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids. I tried to be sexy by turning around and bending over. My friends took pictures and my bloody tampon string was hanging out the whole time. FML I agree, your life sucks 40981 You deserved it 106383 333 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my window got busted and won't shut properly. I live in a college dorm room and maintenance says they can't fix it for a couple of days. It's below freezing in my dorm and I can see my breath while trying sleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 30243 You deserved it 2604 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By klifestyle2012 Classy. Today, I came home to find my brother making out with my girlfriend while taking a selfie. FML I agree, your life sucks 4988 You deserved it 310 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML I agree, your life sucks 28755 You deserved it 11672 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Hungary - Szeged Today, while at church, I received a text from my girlfriend, saying, "It's not working. We're over." Not only was my phone not on silent mode, I was sitting directly beside my now ex-girlfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 37804 You deserved it 4467 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LonelySanta - Australia Today, I went home, where I live alone, from my dorm room at my university. The only Christmas cards I had received were addressed to the person that lived there before me. FML I agree, your life sucks 27559 You deserved it 2418 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I realized I have more dogs than I do friends. I have two dogs. FML I agree, your life sucks 40493 You deserved it 6714 162 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By imsorry - United States - Oakland SORRY! Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML I agree, your life sucks 33059 You deserved it 7751 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By unfortunate - Sweden Today, I was so lonely that I had a conversation with myself on my way home. It was only when I reached my apartment complex that I discovered that my neighbour had been walking behind me, laughing to himself the whole way. FML I agree, your life sucks 22991 You deserved it 10399 120 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, I put an anonymous note under my neighbour's door asking them to not have sex so loudly during the day. Since then, I haven't heard any sex. Unfortunately, I have heard a woman crying loudly because she just found out about her husband's affair. FML I agree, your life sucks 51342 You deserved it 10707 305 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML I agree, your life sucks 14943 You deserved it 50432 201 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bevo - Australia Today, my date and I went to the movies. After the date, we were both on an instant chat room at our homes. Her personal message displayed "I think I love my ex again." FML I agree, your life sucks 30524 You deserved it 3023 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Catcrap! - United States - Rialto Today, I'm moving from Arizona to Washington State with my 2 cats in my car. I've only just left and just learned that one cat gets carsick and the other stress farts. Only 956 more miles to go. FML I agree, your life sucks 47205 You deserved it 6345 166 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United Kingdom - London Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML I agree, your life sucks 27794 You deserved it 7414 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Alex - United States Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work for our relationship. Before we had sex I told my friend to call me in ten minutes so I can pretend its my boss and I would throw the phone away to impress her. He called me in ten minutes, but I only lasted five. FML I agree, your life sucks 27703 You deserved it 88831 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dr_Gip - United States Today, I was so engrossed in a phone call that I drove off without pumping gas after I'd prepaid $50. FML I agree, your life sucks 8899 You deserved it 43671 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By badbowel - United States - Utica Today, I was sick from both ends at work. My boss wouldn't let me go home, and told me to borrow a pair of spare pants to change into. I suffered another bout of gastroenteritis and shit someone else's pants. FML I agree, your life sucks 4721 You deserved it 283 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By samaram - United States Today, during a series of violent sneezes due to a cold, I bit my tongue. My tongue is now so swollen I cannot close my mouth and am drooling profusely. I have to get ready to go to my job as a cashier. FML I agree, your life sucks 46878 You deserved it 3920 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By keeks_25 - Canada Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML I agree, your life sucks 84672 You deserved it 25853 203 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By overseasbummer - Ireland - Dublin Today, my wife and I had an argument serious enough to end our marriage, while overseas on vacation, with my whole family present. Three more days of awkward tension until we get to fly home and it all ends. FML I agree, your life sucks 36152 You deserved it 3892 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notmansbestfriend - United States - Williamsburg Today, I was stuck on the toilet for hours after eating some questionable seafood. During this time, I watched through the open door as my dog destroyed the nice shoes I just bought, as well as the tux I rented for my sister's wedding. The wedding is in 12 hours. FML I agree, your life sucks 47132 You deserved it 7776 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By immaturity all around - United States Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 39684 You deserved it 6946 180 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I got a call from the Hollister manager yelling at me for not showing up for work that night. I was never informed I got the job. I missed my first day of work. FML I agree, your life sucks 68622 You deserved it 5566 119 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed a watermelon seed, I would get pregnant. Tonight, she dropped one in my mouth while I was asleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 5203 You deserved it 596 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I went to my gyn to see what a painful lump is under my armpit. Turns out it's breast tissue, and yes, it will fill up with milk when I'm pregnant. I essentially have three boobs. FML I agree, your life sucks 40305 You deserved it 2819 247 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ishowet - United States - Hialeah Today, my five-year-old son told me that I smell bad and asked me to take a shower so I wouldn't attract bugs into the house. I had just showered. FML I agree, your life sucks 2878 You deserved it 440 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, when thinking about an Star Wars meme that said, "Quote Star Wars to describe your sex life", I realized that I had to stop at the title screen:... I agree, your life sucks 198 You deserved it 28 1 Comments
Today, whilst getting ready, I decided to have a strong coffee. Followed by the runs. My hook up arrives in half an hour. FML I agree, your life sucks 391 You deserved it 181 2 Comments
