By FML Approved Subway Surfer on a Mission You know he's got something important going on... 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By princev - United States Today, I thought it would be funny to jump in the pool while holding my cat. I am currently in the hospital due to the severe cuts on my face and throat. FML I agree, your life sucks 11572 You deserved it 112562 354 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Richmond Today, I witnessed my boyfriend taking a dump in the litter box. He said he wanted to know what it felt like for the cat. FML I agree, your life sucks 49398 You deserved it 5816 145 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Telford Today, while trying to open the packaging to my new headphones, I got startled by my cat suddenly meowing and cut through the headphone wire. FML I agree, your life sucks 13887 You deserved it 3218 30 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Meade Today, I felt cold while driving, so I blasted the heat. The one thing I didn't expect was a load of tiny spiders spilling out of the vents and writhing all over my dash. FML I agree, your life sucks 15020 You deserved it 946 41 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nofun - United States Today, I was helping my mom pack for our family vacation. We were both talking about how excited we were, when she turns to me and says, "Would you be offended if I asked you not to come? It's just... I want to have fun." FML I agree, your life sucks 58935 You deserved it 5549 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bucollegegirl - United States Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he said that I should go to the bathroom so we don't end up pregnant. When I asked why, he said that I need to "pee out the semen." I explained to him 5 times that I don't pee out of my vagina. He still doesn't get it. FML I agree, your life sucks 41625 You deserved it 6537 319 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jayne_dhoe - United Kingdom Today, my boyfriend came home drunk and thought it would be funny to spray himself in the face with pepper spray. I was in his drunken firing line too. After him vomiting and being blinded for a few hours, he was fine. I, on the other hand, had a terrible allergic reaction and got rushed to hospital. FML I agree, your life sucks 32621 You deserved it 5471 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Catfish Today, I met the "cute guy" I've been chatting with online for a few months. He never smiled in pics, but I didn't think anything of it until I got to his place and he started talking. He didn't have a single tooth in his mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 3738 You deserved it 564 31 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Walker Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML I agree, your life sucks 53067 You deserved it 3560 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wait..what - United States Today, I was in class just taking notes and minding my own business. The teacher has already called my parents twice complaining about me. As we are taking 3 pages of notes she grabs mine and rips them up, saying that she is sick and tired of me drawing. I was drawing the graphs on the board. FML I agree, your life sucks 51583 You deserved it 3414 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I got turned down from a job I really wanted. Six hours later, the guy called me again and delivered the same news, not realizing he had already called this morning. Thanks for rubbing it in. FML I agree, your life sucks 30370 You deserved it 2732 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By targetlove - Australia Today, I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I went in and sat on the seat. Then I felt a stinging pain on my left bum cheek. I jumped up quickly to see a wasp splashing around in the bowl. It stung me, and now have a bum cheek twice its normal size, and pee all over my pants. FML I agree, your life sucks 31210 You deserved it 3386 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Scaredafffff - 12/5/2021 14:03 Alexa, play "Charmless Man" by Blur Today, I accidentally changed the radio station in my boyfriend’s car. He threw a humongous fit and started driving recklessly, almost causing an accident on several occasions. He then dropped me off at a stop sign and told me to, "walk home, you need to lose weight anyway, fat bitch." FML I agree, your life sucks 937 You deserved it 104 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 30/5/2020 20:00 It never ends Today, I had a "nightmare" where I found out I had more homework than I originally realized, and spent the entire dream doing homework. There is no escape. FML I agree, your life sucks 1433 You deserved it 161 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thanks sis - United States - Reading Today, my sister asked me to grab her some toilet paper. I refused, so she grabbed my favorite shirt out of the laundry basket and used it to wipe. I was busy icing my sprained ankle. I couldn't walk. She knew this. FML I agree, your life sucks 27647 You deserved it 3939 73 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By medik - United States Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML I agree, your life sucks 29804 You deserved it 8145 120 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lonely - United States Today, the girl I have been dating for the past couple months broke it off with me. She said she's tired of waiting around for me and being ignored in the mean time. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so greedy as to finish my 2 degrees and work 2 jobs to pay for my school. How selfish of me. FML I agree, your life sucks 37422 You deserved it 18872 248 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I went on a date, and everything was going fine- until the ride home. On the way, I starting having progressively bad stomach pains. Once she left the car, I passed the worst gas that I had ever encountered. As I began to drive, she knocked on the window. She forgot her purse in the car. FML I agree, your life sucks 45431 You deserved it 5444 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notawizard - Spain Today, my daughter turned 11. Since she LOVES Harry Potter, I decided to write her an acceptance letter to Hogwarts. When she saw the letter, she screamed and showed me. When she found out I wrote it, she told me she hated me, started crying, and stepped on my foot. FML I agree, your life sucks 33260 You deserved it 94921 608 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By stoopidpoop - United States Today, I told my girlfriend's father that I wanted to talk about his daughter. I then went on to tell him I was thinking about 'popping the cherry', instead of 'popping the question'. FML I agree, your life sucks 24908 You deserved it 13711 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MarkTheShark - United States Good one, thanks Today, I left work to find a note on my windshield that read, "I think you're cute," with a phone number written down as well. I got super excited and immediately dialed. The phone was answered by a woman laughing hysterically. It was my Mom. FML I agree, your life sucks 40795 You deserved it 6828 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lola - France Today, as I was pressed for time, I opened some canned food for dinner. When my children were served, they said, "Mmm, this is best meal you've ever cooked for us!" I cook healthy, balanced meals every day. FML I agree, your life sucks 26477 You deserved it 8329 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was working a haunted house. I have a really good spot where I hide and scare people. This really hot guy was walking up, and I jumped out and screamed. He punched me in the face. FML I agree, your life sucks 36425 You deserved it 7349 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ChrisC - United States Today, my boss came to my cubicle to give me my annual performance bonus. I was asleep at my desk. FML I agree, your life sucks 11405 You deserved it 62062 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ryan - United States Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML I agree, your life sucks 60158 You deserved it 7440 228 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CanadianEH Today, my dog ate my underwear. This is the twenty-seventh pair that he has eaten. FML I agree, your life sucks 9580 You deserved it 3187 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hakuna_matata - United States - San Francisco Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I told her that I'd never watched The Lion King. FML I agree, your life sucks 21041 You deserved it 8895 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Huntsville Today, I'm at the unique point in my schooling that I'm either extremely overqualified or extremely underqualified for every job opportunity that appeals to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 27698 You deserved it 2414 52 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tdiz - Canada Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML I agree, your life sucks 27728 You deserved it 3540 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Notcheating Not a cheating! Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. FML I agree, your life sucks 4029 You deserved it 452 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whiskynexttimeplease - United Kingdom - Coventry Today, my husband kindly offered to take me on a brewery tour. Turned out the brewery is owned by his ex-girlfriend and there was no tour after all. Just me standing awkwardly for 25 minutes while he chatted to her about her family and stuff they used to do together. FML I agree, your life sucks 14710 You deserved it 1033 35 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I found out that, because I'm a student, the employees I train make more than me. FML I agree, your life sucks 33076 You deserved it 2361 29 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By "Brain_fart" - United States - Salt Lake City Today, I found out that both of my cats are afraid of mice. So far I've seen them run and hide from 3 different mice who've recently invaded my apartment. FML I agree, your life sucks 3136 You deserved it 339 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By branded - United States Today, I found out the tattoo signifying my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML I agree, your life sucks 24421 You deserved it 60494 177 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lifesmells - Canada Ouch Today, I learned that when blender jars aren't locked, they fly off the blender, into the air, hit you in the head and explode all over your kitchen. Today, I also learned that after I'm attacked by a flying blender, the first thing my boyfriend asks is if I'm still gonna make him a smoothie. FML I agree, your life sucks 49749 You deserved it 13068 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ToiletTroubles - United Kingdom Today, I was taking some clothes downstairs to wash, when my mum stopped me. She accused me of sleeping around and trying to hide something, since she did the washing yesterday. She made me admit in front of the whole family that I'd been "surprised" by a case of diarrhea. FML I agree, your life sucks 44997 You deserved it 3109 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By spinster - United States - Lubbock Today, as I was creeping on social media, I realized that literally everyone I've ever dated is either happily married, engaged, or in a relationship. My last date was at the beginning of the summer. FML I agree, your life sucks 22267 You deserved it 3878 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By foreveralone - United States - Sherman Today, I was talking to my best friend's brother after we drunkenly hooked up last night. I've had a crush on him for over a year. He ended up interrupting himself and said, "Please don't tell anyone about this. I don't want anyone to think we're dating or anything." FML I agree, your life sucks 34888 You deserved it 6304 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Rainydaze - United States - Hillsboro Today, the guy I hooked up with last summer who was "going through a divorce" welcomed his new baby with his loving wife. FML I agree, your life sucks 4093 You deserved it 1823 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rockefoe - United States Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't feel like he loved me. His response? "Why else would I be with you? Your looks?" He was serious. FML I agree, your life sucks 32432 You deserved it 8659 163 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I found out that my boyfriend lied about not only talking to one other girl, but 5 other girls, and it wasn't just talking, it was wanting to meet... I agree, your life sucks 173 You deserved it 29 1 Comments
Today, as my husband normally initiates sex and sometimes I want to but always chicken out, I was feeling brave and did so. After he came, he continued... I agree, your life sucks 583 You deserved it 107 5 Comments
