Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to... - FML

By speechless - 1/6/2013 00:50 - United Kingdom - Wallasey

Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52975

You deserved it

6070

Tweet

Share

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Abuse

Peaky Bladders

By Anonymous - 11/5/2020 14:00

Splat!

Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1402

You deserved it

178

Tweet

Share

By maza - 9/8/2019 22:00

Today, I made a nice meal for myself and sat down to eat. Suddenly, my dad burst into my room saying, “We have to go.” This isn’t the first time it’s happened, nor was it an emergency. My family just doesn’t tell me when we have plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1656

You deserved it

150

Tweet

Share

By radiantum13 - 9/6/2016 02:33

Today, I got yelled at by my supervisor for getting an hour of overtime yesterday. The reason I had an hour of overtime was because that same supervisor made me stay late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14949

You deserved it

1042

Tweet

Share

By bananayellowteeth - 3/5/2009 08:37 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist. After drilling my teeth for what seemed like hours, he gave me a long speech about how if I continue to smoke, the yellowing of my teeth won't be the only problem. I don't smoke. I never have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52721

You deserved it

9038

Tweet

Share

By shifala - 22/1/2015 09:02 - Philippines - Caloocan

Today, I was riding my bike to work in a hurry and hit a pothole. I flew off and hit the ground hard. I was badly shaken, but an old lady came over, checked me out and helped me to my feet. After she left the scene, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet while "helping" me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35918

You deserved it

3082

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/5/2020 23:00

British Broadcasting Corporation

Today, working from home due to the quarantine, things were going slow so I typed "Lola Fox BBC DP porn" into my team chat, thinking I was typing it into my browser. My supervisor took it down as soon as it happened, but people definitely saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

463

You deserved it

2700

Tweet

Share

By Black Cat 13 - 4/9/2010 06:52 - United States

Today, at work, a little girl was misbehaving. Her dad told her that she would look like me when she grows up. The little girl look horrified while Daddy laughed and kept reassuring her he was "just kidding." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36005

You deserved it

3491

Tweet

Share

By dumass - 27/9/2014 02:23 - United States - Columbus

Today, the day before my wife and I leave for our 1 year anniversary trip, I realized my passport expires in 2014, not 2015. Instead of a week's stay at an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic, we'll be spending three days in Louisville. Three angry days in Louisville. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34504

You deserved it

21058

Tweet

Share

By Rob - 7/11/2018 03:00

Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4611

You deserved it

346

Tweet

Share

By davifilo - 26/10/2012 09:40 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went bowling. I noticed a 10-year-old holding an iPod Touch which had the exact same customized case with my name on it as my iPod that was stolen a year ago at the same bowling centre. Even better, the parents yelled at me for accusing him. I got kicked out the bowling centre. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31875

You deserved it

2599

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/11/2014 18:03 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I told my boss I'm going to quit, after months of being abused, doing meaningless work, and working late every day. I was soon given so many new projects that I didn't even have time to write my resignation letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32529

You deserved it

5806

Tweet

Share

By Hairy_Potter - 23/1/2014 17:13 - Brazil - S?o Paulo

Today, I had to accept the fact that I'm going bald, after I noticed the hair on my chest is longer than the hair on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41392

You deserved it

3915

Tweet

Share

By Yo mom - 27/12/2011 07:12 - United States

Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8657

You deserved it

54826

Tweet

Share

By ekoblick - 17/6/2011 04:34 - United States

Today, I got food poisoning from my wedding food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41226

You deserved it

3896

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/8/2015 05:49 - United States - San Jose

Today, my mom kissed me goodbye before I went to a big job interview. I got weird looks on the way there, but I figured it was just because I look like a massive douche in formal wear. Turns out my mom had smeared lipstick all over my chin. The person who finally let me know was my interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24849

You deserved it

2706

Tweet

Share

By Rajin - 23/3/2009 20:38 - Canada

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

125564

You deserved it

16821

Tweet

Share

By Karate Kid - 25/5/2012 06:29 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6935

You deserved it

35146

Tweet

Share

By Satan's Mum - 6/5/2014 18:38 - United Kingdom - London

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48460

You deserved it

9078

Tweet

Share

By fatty punani - 5/6/2020 08:00

Sexy is in the eye of the beholder

Today, my husband thinks I stopped wearing underwear to be sexy. Truth is, I’ve gained so much weight during quarantine that even my granny panties no longer fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1242

You deserved it

589

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/3/2010 17:13 - United States

Today, I learned it's not a good idea to answer your phone with "F*** off!" just because you're having a bad day. It could just be your pastor on the other end. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7535

You deserved it

49652

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/4/2009 06:27 - United States

Today, I used the bathroom on a bus from New York to Boston, and carefully covered the seat with twenty of the single-square toilet paper rations. As I was peeing, the bus flew over a bump and swerved sharply, and my entire naked bottom was splashed with urine and poop. It wasn't my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks

82475

You deserved it

7926

Tweet

Share

By Tallulah - 29/7/2011 06:56 - United Kingdom

Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36317

You deserved it

6515

Tweet

Share

By The greatest Illusion ever - 28/10/2013 20:31 - United States

Today, I went to school without any makeup on. The guys who usually compliment me for being pretty are now calling me "The Greatest Illusion Ever". FML

I agree, your life sucks

48065

You deserved it

21316

Tweet

Share

By mommabuser - 1/7/2012 15:59

Today, my daughter's hamster pulled the water bottle off the glass, so I decided to super-glue the bottle back on. We came back an hour later to see if it had stuck, only to find both the bottle and rodent glued to the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9474

You deserved it

28800

Tweet

Share

By greaaaatt. - 25/7/2010 05:45 - United States

Today, I found out that I get to spend the next two weeks at my grandparents house, which smells like cat litter, while the rest of my family takes a cruise through the Carribean. They can't afford to take a ninth person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41849

You deserved it

2910

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 12:44 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey mask and I call him Jason. He just confessed it isn't really a fetish for him and that was just fucking with me. He's already told all his friends. I'm humiliated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33943

You deserved it

4625

Tweet

Share

By thismakesmesad - 7/9/2011 16:16 - United States

Today, I received an email from my boyfriend. It contained a link to a site that was titled "How to Give Head". It also said "Have a nice day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30265

You deserved it

7533

Tweet

Share

By mooned - 3/2/2018 01:30

Today, I went to a yoga class for the first time in a few years. When I went to change afterwards, I realized I'd split my pants at some point during the class. I think I understand why the girls behind me were laughing so hard now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4005

You deserved it

356

Tweet

Share

By Annoyed - 28/10/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she bought the same perfume that my boyfriend got me for Christmas last year. He loves that perfume. Now, whenever he smells me, he's going to think of his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28286

You deserved it

2811

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/4/2014 04:03 - United States - Meridian

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57133

You deserved it

4957

Tweet

Share

By latenightbite - 16/3/2010 23:17 - United States

Today, I found out why my roommate and best friend comes home late three nights a week. She goes to get drunk with some guy, then goes back to his house to hook up. Who is this guy? The guy I've been dating for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38026

You deserved it

3072

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/10/2011 10:07 - United States

Today, I finally gathered up the guts to say hi to the girl I like. As I was walking down the hallway, I saw her and waved hello, only to walk into a bathroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31135

You deserved it

6008

Tweet

Share

By AnonThoughts - 24/10/2019 06:00

Fighting fit

Today, my body is so messed up that I pulled a muscle in my side while farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1344

You deserved it

288

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/5/2018 02:33

Today, I got rear-ended on my way home from the pet store, causing my pet food to open up and go flying all over the floor of my car. My pet is a snake, and his food is live mice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4386

You deserved it

957

Tweet

Share

By fml - 10/8/2013 10:48 - United States - Perry

Today, my new husband and I were called up to have our first dance at our wedding. While I rested my head on his shoulder, he whispered the most romantic thing to me: "Your breath stinks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51507

You deserved it

12225

Tweet

Share

By lorahayes - 5/1/2012 18:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38668

You deserved it

10192

Tweet

Share

By nerdlette - 15/3/2014 19:34 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was feeling really down and insecure after a friend joked about how small my boobs are. When my grandma got me to tell her what happened, she reassured me that all the girls in our family were late bloomers. I said "Really?" and she replied, "Oh no dear. Quite the opposite." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39014

You deserved it

3996

Tweet

Share

By angry girlfriend - 22/5/2012 14:32 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I found out via Facebook status that my boyfriend is going to Hawaii with a group of friends, including his ex-girlfriend for a few weeks. When I confronted him about it, he said he didn't think I needed to know, and to mind my own business. I think I'm about to be single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35548

You deserved it

3580

Tweet

Share

By Shinobi_3 - 26/2/2010 17:43 - United States

Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7793

You deserved it

29190

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/5/2019 02:33

Today, I was complaining to my friend how I was doing all the work in my group, and that they were getting all the credit. Her response? "It's OK, you're doing a shitty job anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1543

You deserved it

231

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By pistachiopanda | 19

#5515940 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:33

That's horrible... Society really is going downhill.

By untouchable763 | 10

#5515933 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:32

Granny got moves.

COMMENTS

By untouchable763 | 10

#5515933 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:32

Granny got moves.

Reply

MichellinMan | 20

#5516776 - Saturday 1 June 2013 20:57

So next time, you will know to kick an old bitch in the kneecap and flee.

Reply

crystalxa | 35

#5844787 - Friday 31 January 2014 14:38

Reminds me of the movie Dirty Dancing. There are some sneaky old people out there!!

By pistachiopanda | 19

#5515940 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:33

That's horrible... Society really is going downhill.

Reply

ChaoticBacon | 6

#5516042 - Saturday 1 June 2013 6:41

In this case, in a wheelchair...

Reply

Pordexel | 5

#5516392 - Saturday 1 June 2013 15:19

Please stop. I can't stand these wheelchair jokes.

Reply

ilikepie22313 | 5

#5516402 - Saturday 1 June 2013 15:39

I see what you did there.

Reply

BradTheBrony | 19

#5520893 - Tuesday 4 June 2013 21:46

Oh wheel you stop being such a pansy? Chair just jokes!

By Gvfell | 9

#5515941 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:33

Do you even lift, granny?

Reply

mmaflake | 19

#5516074 - Saturday 1 June 2013 7:14

Boo

By a7x_rever1 | 7

#5515944 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:33

Look on the brightside you're still alive! Things could have turned out worse!

Reply

saad2605 | 16

#5515954 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:35

Yeah. She could have been a violent crazy serial killer.

On a positive note, the elders are getting really messed up. Report her OP.

By Tigerblossom | 19

#5515947 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:34

You were warned and you still got trolled by troll grandma. Fml is supposed to keep you from making the same mistakes as other people

Reply

TorturedXeno | 27

#5515994 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:55

You shoulda listened, OP!

Reply

Jjimen1654 | 9

#5516027 - Saturday 1 June 2013 6:27

Sometimes you have to make the mistake yourself to really learn from it.

Reply

dancinwookie | 21

#5517342 - Sunday 2 June 2013 9:17

Passing down life lessons, one shitty mishap at a time!

By Supahnova | 14

#5515949 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:34

Grandma's sneak skill increased to 99.

Reply

ceremonials | 6

#5515970 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:40

Sneak skill increases with age. Or matches age haha

Reply

IscoreOnU | 19

#5516035 - Saturday 1 June 2013 6:34

Her thieving level is 99.
Someone will get it

Reply

lolfood | 24

#5516086 - Saturday 1 June 2013 7:25

Runescape.

Reply

CTMPandemonium | 16

#5516133 - Saturday 1 June 2013 8:15

I believe it's Grandma's Pickpocket Skills Increased to Level 99 lol

Reply

IscoreOnU | 19

#5516149 - Saturday 1 June 2013 8:29

Who ever thumbed 43 down he is actually correct. And pick pocketing is part of the thriving skill.

Reply

A7XCamaro | 19

#5516230 - Saturday 1 June 2013 11:08

I guess the question is how many cakes has she stolen to get to a point of being able to pickpocket so smoothly?

Reply

kingdomgirl94 | 28

#5516401 - Saturday 1 June 2013 15:33

pickpocketing is a skill in Skyrim and CAN be leveled up.

Reply

BradTheBrony | 19

#5520897 - Tuesday 4 June 2013 21:49

ACTUALLY, you guys crashed the aborted fetus of what was coming to be an Elder Scrolls nerding-party, what with the "Sneak skill increased to 99."

By samreimer | 7

#5515951 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:35

The lesson here: always believe everything the media tells you.

Reply

Welshite | 39

#5515982 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:47

Forget the media; movies is where I get my information, especially when there are superheroes involved. I'm certain those are true.

Reply

cosmosis | 12

#5516556 - Saturday 1 June 2013 17:56

Agreed 15- and i also like wearing my undies on the outside... Makes me feel super!

By mandacleary | 14

#5515953 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:35

you can't feel grandmas shakey hands go into your butt pocket?

Reply

Shrike | 22

#5516166 - Saturday 1 June 2013 9:01

Shaky or not, you're probably gonna feel them. That's why most pickpocketers rely on bumping into their victims or making other physical contact so they don't even realize what's going on in their pockets or elsewhere. The more you know, right?

By ColbyGB | 13

#5515955 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:35

What's up with them elderly nowadays?

By laya_fml | 26

#5515971 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:41

You should have gone with the instincts you learned from FML!