Money: Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to... - FML

By speechless - United Kingdom - Wallasey

Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML

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There's no helping some people

Great boyfriend

Near the knuckle

By cinderella - Netherlands

Today, I found my beloved hamster dead in her cage. Later that day, my boyfriend told me he already noticed that she was dead last night, but did not feel like telling me because he was afraid I wouldn't feel like doing it anymore that night. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was meeting my husband's old friends at his 20 year high school reunion. He introduced me as his 'friend from work' to his ex girlfriend. FML

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By wormsmeat - Canada - Kingston

Today, my dog vomited a writhing mass of maggots. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever smelled, and I was baffled as to where she found a maggot infested dead thing to eat. Baffled, until my mom reminded me that my cat has been missing, presumed dead, for over a week. FML

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By Appelflap - Belgium - Sint-niklaas

Today, I was feeling down following a recent breakup. My dad tried to comfort me by patting me on the back and saying everyone goes through ups and downs, "Like when I found out your mum and I were having a boy." I'm their only son. FML

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By Florida - United States - Winchester

Today, when I went to work, my nice coworker gave me a gift basket. And cookies. I had to tell him that I caught his kid keying my car last night. FML

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By noname - United States - Middletown

Today, after being in the hospital for 2 weeks after emergency abdominal surgery, my girlfriend, who didn't even bother to ask how I was, made me hobble to her house just to dump me and send me straight back home. FML

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By sofakingweetodit - United States

Today, in preparation for a presentation at work, I decided to take a handful of vitamins to fight my cold. As I was putting the bottles away, I noticed one of them was a laxative. FML

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By Anonymous - Thailand

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

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By motherfucked - United States - Baltimore

Today, I tried to send my friend a link to a really weird porno. Unfortunately, Google Hangouts popped up with a message from my mom. I didn't realize the keyboard focus had switched until I hit Ctrl+V and Enter real quick. Now I'm grounded. FML

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By sexyhobbit - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I confided to my boyfriend that I have a condition that causes me to grow thick toe hair. He now won't stop calling me "the sexy Hobbit." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Downey

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

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By alikat - United States

Today, I found out that the noise I thought was a mouse in my room was a water bottle shaking when my refrigerator turned on. I stayed up till 4am looking for a mouse that didn't exist. FML

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By Anonymous - Belgium - Ieper

No kinkshaming on FML

Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while I was doing my job as a groundskeeper, a couple of kids wearing MAGA hats threw garbage and rocks at me, then told me to "go back where you came from". I'm American, but I guess my beard makes me look like an immigrant or something, as this isn't the first time this has happened. FML

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By lilou - France

Stuck

Today, at 7 a.m., I ended up outside in a nightdress, barefoot and in the rain. I've just found out that my two-year-old son now knows how to close the patio door, which of course, has no outside door handle. FML

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By justsingle - Philippines

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me through Skype, with the message "my penis wants more, but my heart and mind don't want to hurt you." FML

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By Fuckup - United States - Naples

Today, I returned to work after a much-needed vacation. I got a lot of weird stares from my co-workers, and my boss eventually came over and told me to go home. Why? My work week starts tomorrow, not today. FML

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By heathenhaha - Singapore - Singapore

Done for

Today, I became the center of attraction of my office floor after sending my resumé to my work Whatsapp group, asking them to share with their friends for job openings. My VP is owner of the group. FML

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By ManderDander - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend was putting baby powder on my bare ass, when his dad walked into the room, casually set a laundry basket next to the bed, and walked out like nothing happened. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm having a nice evening out on the town. After my complimentary round of drinks for my birthday, my friend walks in with a big pink gift-box. It was an inflatable... erm... 'friend.' Which then got unwrapped in front of several of my other friends. And several members of my family. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a homeless man. As we left the train he shook my hand and was seemingly on his way. That was until he caught me greeting my boyfriend, to which he decided to tell the romantic story of how he murdered a man for "getting too close to his woman." FML

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By krabby patty

Today, my husband and I mutually discovered that we are both infected with pubic lice. How? I found his and he found mine while we were in the middle of 69-ing each other. So, so gross. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Boronia

Today, after supporting my girlfriend for over a year in her endeavour to lose weight, exercise more, and eat better, my now-slender girlfriend dumped me. Because now she find someone better than me. FML

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By toto13660

Today, at the beach, a seagull conveyed its opinion of my cigarette by taking a dump on it, putting it out. Seems they have anti-tobacco sniper seagulls now. FML

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By

Today, I found out my friends replaced the water in my bottle with vodka when all my fish died. Any water I don't finish the night before, I pour into my tank the next morning. Thousands of dollars and years hard work, gone. FML

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By JessBaby - United States

Today, I found out my grandmother passed away. When I told my boyfriend I began to cry. Instead of caring, he said "you're getting my bed wet," rolled over, and fell asleep. FML

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By e11ie - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch, he looked down at my chest and said "I can't wait for the day that these produce milk." We've only been dating a few months and I have no intention of lactating anytime soon. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my sister, who has "borrowed" almost nine hundred dollars from me over the last few months, told me I was pathetic for not having my driver's license yet and that I "wasn't normal". I was saving that money for my driving lessons. FML

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By fack - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML

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By MadWorld

Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana Grace. My sister just revealed she is having a girl and naming her Hana Grace since "the name is up for grabs now". FML

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By Anonymous - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

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By ahdeadcats - United States

Today, I got to go back into my house after it had been tented. Suddenly, a foul stench filled my house. My husband checked all around the house and finally checked under the house. There were more than 12 dead stray cats under our house, and guess who was in charge of pulling them out? FML

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By metalmeow

Today, after taking care not to hurt myself during my workout, I injured my shoulder extricating myself from my sports bra. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking around town with the girl I have loved for four years and have been 100% faithful to. A girl thought it would be funny to approach me and pretend she was the girl I was seeing, and that I was cheating on her. My girlfriend believed her and broke up with me. FML

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By neryc - United States - Hummelstown

Today, my little sister started freaking out, because she was playing with some white-out eraser and got some on her finger. She started crying inconsolably because she thought her entire finger was going to disappear. FML

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By PangolinScholar - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I found that I conduct so much static electricity that I'm periodically given a shock by my headphones as I walk with them on. 5ML

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By ouch - United States

Today, our electric horse fence broke. I turned it off so I could fix it. As I was grabbing the fence, my brother thought it would be hilarious to turn the fence back on. FML

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By Bridget - Canada - Orangeville

Today, I found out I have something in common with three other girls. We all have the same boyfriend. FML

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By sadphonegirl - Canada - Brampton

Today, I remember that I changed my phone lock password when I was still half asleep this morning, but I don't remember what I changed it to. FML

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Top comments

By pistachiopanda | 19

#5515940 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:33

That's horrible... Society really is going downhill.

By untouchable763 | 10

#5515933 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:32

Granny got moves.

COMMENTS

By untouchable763 | 10

#5515933 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:32

Granny got moves.

Reply

MichellinMan | 20

#5516776 - Saturday 1 June 2013 20:57

So next time, you will know to kick an old bitch in the kneecap and flee.

Reply

crystalxa | 35

#5844787 - Friday 31 January 2014 14:38

Reminds me of the movie Dirty Dancing. There are some sneaky old people out there!!

By pistachiopanda | 19

#5515940 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:33

That's horrible... Society really is going downhill.

Reply

ChaoticBacon | 6

#5516042 - Saturday 1 June 2013 6:41

In this case, in a wheelchair...

Reply

Pordexel | 5

#5516392 - Saturday 1 June 2013 15:19

Please stop. I can't stand these wheelchair jokes.

Reply

ilikepie22313 | 5

#5516402 - Saturday 1 June 2013 15:39

I see what you did there.

Reply

BradTheBrony | 19

#5520893 - Tuesday 4 June 2013 21:46

Oh wheel you stop being such a pansy? Chair just jokes!

By Gvfell | 9

#5515941 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:33

Do you even lift, granny?

Reply

mmaflake | 19

#5516074 - Saturday 1 June 2013 7:14

Boo

By a7x_rever1 | 7

#5515944 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:33

Look on the brightside you're still alive! Things could have turned out worse!

Reply

saad2605 | 16

#5515954 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:35

Yeah. She could have been a violent crazy serial killer.

On a positive note, the elders are getting really messed up. Report her OP.

By Tigerblossom | 19

#5515947 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:34

You were warned and you still got trolled by troll grandma. Fml is supposed to keep you from making the same mistakes as other people

Reply

TorturedXeno | 27

#5515994 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:55

You shoulda listened, OP!

Reply

Jjimen1654 | 9

#5516027 - Saturday 1 June 2013 6:27

Sometimes you have to make the mistake yourself to really learn from it.

Reply

dancinwookie | 21

#5517342 - Sunday 2 June 2013 9:17

Passing down life lessons, one shitty mishap at a time!

By Supahnova | 14

#5515949 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:34

Grandma's sneak skill increased to 99.

Reply

ceremonials | 6

#5515970 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:40

Sneak skill increases with age. Or matches age haha

Reply

IscoreOnU | 19

#5516035 - Saturday 1 June 2013 6:34

Her thieving level is 99.
Someone will get it

Reply

lolfood | 24

#5516086 - Saturday 1 June 2013 7:25

Runescape.

Reply

CTMPandemonium | 16

#5516133 - Saturday 1 June 2013 8:15

I believe it's Grandma's Pickpocket Skills Increased to Level 99 lol

Reply

IscoreOnU | 19

#5516149 - Saturday 1 June 2013 8:29

Who ever thumbed 43 down he is actually correct. And pick pocketing is part of the thriving skill.

Reply

A7XCamaro | 19

#5516230 - Saturday 1 June 2013 11:08

I guess the question is how many cakes has she stolen to get to a point of being able to pickpocket so smoothly?

Reply

kingdomgirl94 | 28

#5516401 - Saturday 1 June 2013 15:33

pickpocketing is a skill in Skyrim and CAN be leveled up.

Reply

BradTheBrony | 19

#5520897 - Tuesday 4 June 2013 21:49

ACTUALLY, you guys crashed the aborted fetus of what was coming to be an Elder Scrolls nerding-party, what with the "Sneak skill increased to 99."

By samreimer | 7

#5515951 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:35

The lesson here: always believe everything the media tells you.

Reply

Welshite | 39

#5515982 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:47

Forget the media; movies is where I get my information, especially when there are superheroes involved. I'm certain those are true.

Reply

cosmosis | 12

#5516556 - Saturday 1 June 2013 17:56

Agreed 15- and i also like wearing my undies on the outside... Makes me feel super!

By mandacleary | 14

#5515953 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:35

you can't feel grandmas shakey hands go into your butt pocket?

Reply

Shrike | 22

#5516166 - Saturday 1 June 2013 9:01

Shaky or not, you're probably gonna feel them. That's why most pickpocketers rely on bumping into their victims or making other physical contact so they don't even realize what's going on in their pockets or elsewhere. The more you know, right?

By ColbyGB | 13

#5515955 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:35

What's up with them elderly nowadays?

By laya_fml | 26

#5515971 - Saturday 1 June 2013 5:41

You should have gone with the instincts you learned from FML!