By Doritos - 17/06/2010 08:06 - United States

Spicy
Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML
I agree, your life sucks 536
You deserved it 33

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Top comments

Get revenge. Jizz in his milk.

that deserves an ass whoopin!!

Comments

ewww lol hope you don't eat those doritos!

haha there should be no 'ydi' for this one!!

kick him out

why screw up good doritoes

Ewwwww that is just down right disgusting! I would switch roommates

that's fucking hilarious ^^ you should get revenge - one day he'll 'lose' his playboy, and never see it again :)

hahaha that's nasty . I wouldnt eat those now ! :)

who chokes it with a condom on anyways, he must of ran out of your socks

who uses socks?!

that's funny lol his socks

woulda been buddy beatup time. that's gross and shows a total lack of respect for you and your things.

I would have ripped up his Playboy. Kicked him in the balls. Made him eat the used condom. Washed his whole head in the toilet. Then made him buy me new Doritos. In that order. Just sayin'

i would've broke his legs thats just weird

Now there's a lovely thought for the afternoon ...

ok so your doritos are ruined? how is this an fml

well if yur roomates cute and I was there, he wouldn't have needed a condom, cuz I woulda caught it all in my throat lmfaooo. jkjkjkjk it was a joke guys.

because his roommate is an inconsiderate jerk. that's why this is an fml.

you should jizz in his shampoo

ydi for having doritos. I think. actually that doesn't work. but he ate doritos with his jizz-covered hands?

OP should take his playboy hostage until he buys you new doritos!

NOOOO!!!!!!! Soiled doritos, burn the poor things before they explode

so........how's his dick taste?

well at least he didn't dump the condom in ur doritos:)

lol I love your answer the most :D

next time he has chowder, jizz in it

WTF 5! That's disgusting!!!

5 - haha it's funny u say that when you look at ur picture

Dorita's new line of chips, a torrent of cum flavor!?

not like he ha his semen on his hands. He used the condom. Have you not seen I Love You Man?

84, I'm guessing that's part of the late night flavours.

The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were 'protecting'. Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deaf person for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing. Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $50,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can't communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter. The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where the money is. "" The interpreter signs, ""Where's the money? "" r The deaf replies, ""I don't know what you're talking about. "" The interpreter tells the hood, ""He says he doesn't know what you're talking about. "" The hood pulls out a large gun and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. ""NOW ask him where the money is. "" The interpreter signs, ""Where is the money? "" The deaf man replies, ""The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump on the left from the West 78th Street gate. "" The interpreter says to the hood, ""He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger. """

OMG! #2 is smokin' hot !!!!

don't touch mah doritos!!!

To #43: FML is for small anecdotes of funny, sad, or gross things, not just "my life us ruined". stop complaining...do you want jizz in ur chips???

lmfao funny how no one says anything about 46 lol youd think these people would be saying stuff lol =P

93- Lmao, random. But hilarious.

112, i laughed for 10 minutes. your sense of humour is truly appreciated. :D 46... i'm also glad you clarified exactly why the guy wouldn't need a condom if you'd been there, we would all be clueless if you hadn't explained it. thank you ever so much.

5 I think you eat to many doritos

why would he need a condom lol

who loathes you? :O with your dazzling sarcasm.. :P

yeah im with number one,you watched hem doing it so you wont eat those,be happy you didnt ate them

no no you look like you have seen more than a few up close

10-Eintein watch " I love you man" and that that tells you why thru would use a condom for jerking off lol.

well on the plus side at least you can't get a STD from it.

I just puked taco bell eeeeeeeeew that's nasty

wow. a girl up there is basically dumb as fuck

Whats the problem? surely the whole point of his using the condom was that he doesnt need to wash his hands, sounds a bit gross i know but if you think about it...

That was both Hilarious and mean... Great!

Why would he use a condom to jerk of?

cody1992 might eat them

Xanax say ahhhh open wide ;)

46 - your sluttyness excites me. I'm sure it was a joke ;)

54 I <3 your picture lol. cartman rocks!

keep yo hands off my mama, keep yo hands off my doritos

81 .. that was funny as fuck !!!

#84 and 90 LMAOOOOOO!!!

Think about it, cum flavoured Doritos!! Mm.. :p

aahhahahahahaahahahahahhahahahaahaha thats just hilarious xD douche bag roommate tho crap in his face while hes sleeping to get back at him make sure you have a bat ready tho

u jus gave me a boner

wow talk about safe sex! he's one of the only guys I know who uses a condom even when he jerks off. I'm just saying......

not 'lose' his 'playboy'? *evil laughter*...

Easy clean up.

that deserves an ass whoopin!!

Maybe he was trying to avoid a messy clean up by jerking it with a condom on idk still that's just wrong on so many levels

ydi for eating doritos. gross

Get revenge. Jizz in his milk.

Cody1992, That Icon Is Fucking Nasty. Why Wouldd You Even Have That.? And Lmfao @11

JeffGoesRawr: Your Capitalization Is Fucking Awful. Why Would You Even Capitalize Every Word?

oh I know I hate that irishjanedoe. I feel like we would be good friends haha. There's another girl on here that capitalizes every word too.

*hate that, Irishjanedoe Not "hate that irishjanedoe". whatever I'm tired. I was trying to say I hate the capitalizing not Jane

Ha! It's ok, I got what you were saying :)

Hahaha that was good. :D I agree with you on that, I think people try to overcompensate on their lack of intelligence by Highlighting Every Word. Pahh.

I Love Capitilising Every Word I Type Itz Sow Koo!

(I hope you know I was joking) Gah, Anti-Flood strikes again!

136 as funny as he'll what?

If OP ate the chips, now he knows what it feels like for girls who are pressured to swallow. >.< lol FYL, OP.

I would jizz on his bar of soap in the shower so when he washes his face you can start calling him cum beard.

bwahahaha! creative revenge I feel sorry for anyone who pisses you off.

If I were a guy, I'd make a bar of soap with jizz. But since I'm a chick, I'd make one with a used tampon in the middle.

lol so gross! and really sad...

Why did he have a condom on if he was masturbating :S

who ever said that he was masturbating?

Have you ever seen 'I Love You Man'? lol

25, what else could he possibly have been doing with a condom and a payboy in the bathroom?

*playboy although I don't know why anyone would masterbate with a condom on, but that is clearly what he was doing

Maybe he lasts longer that way, so he gives himself a more pleasurable experience. >.<

It's already lubricated and it catches all of your jizz. I can understand why a man would do that. Although, depending on how often you masturbate, it could get expensive. And what if you need one for sex and you're out because you used them all on yourself. Wait, what am I saying, he's not going to have that problem.

so he wouldnt jizz everywhere!!

haha i love yout roommate. He should be with me.

Ahaha sucks to be you. Revenge is the best thing for you right now...

and he had a condom why?