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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Rhyno - 05/05/2009 15:37 - United States

Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 97

Rhyno tells us more.

Rhyno 0

Tuesday 5 May 2009 23:53

To explain a bit more in detail, I pulled a U-Turn and the dog ran out of the yard and boom... It was a medium sized dog, I drive an SUV and didn't see it as I was making the turn. I didn't even know they had a dog... haha The following 20 minutes were probably the most uncomfortable of my life, after I knew the dog was fine I kinda laughed nervously and left. "Hi I'm the guy who is dating your daughter, sorry about the dog"... Live and you learn.

Boss man

By Anonymous - 13/04/2024 23:00

Today, my boss agreed to a 20% pay rise, in exchange for adding a list of new responsibilities to my job description that will effectively double my workload, which he expects to be carried out in the same 8 hour workday, and not on overtime either. My boss is my dad and I hate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 146

Welcome to the rest of your life

By jason - 24/04/2024 21:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my parents used to tell that me life gets way better after high school. Yeah, for everyone else at my school. They’re partying it up in college or travelling during gap years, meeting all sorts of people. I have to work more than full time because my parents kicked me out the week after I graduated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 98

The struggle is real

By Anonymous - 15/10/2023 08:30

Today, I was lectured by my mom who saw me trying to play on my Switch during a weekday. The thing is, she doesn't even give me any time to play in the week, and then calls me out whenever I try to get a few decent hours on my Meta Quest and Switch during the weekends. Stop dictating me; give me a goddamn break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 401

Doormat blues

By Anonymous - 11/05/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, my mom spent an hour lecturing me on how I'm a doormat who lets people walk all over me, and that I needed to be more assertive. So I stood up and told my dad, no, I am not going on that forestry camp he wants me to go to. Mom sat silently by as he screamed and grounded me for the entire summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 64

Talk to me

By Anonymous - 16/04/2024 10:00 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I called the suicide hotline, only to get lectured by a very condescending man. I hung up and called back, only for the other line to pick up and hang up on me immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 86

Never again

By Foool me once - 02/08/2023 00:02

Today, my long distance boyfriend left me for a local girl. My last relationship was also long distance and we were even engaged until he slept with someone in his hometown because his “horniness” was “becoming too much.” I think I get the hint now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 456

Good boy

By Anonymous - 06/10/2023 19:30 - Canada

Today, I took my dog to the park. It had recently rained, and he started rolling in something unidentifiable. When I got home, I discovered it was a mixture of mud and who knows what else. Now my house smells like a swamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 253

By Anonymous - 06/07/2010 06:11 - United States

Today, I held the door open for an old man in a motorized wheelchair. He missed the door, hit my foot, and called me an asshole for getting in his way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 37

Diagnosis results

By robbed of youth - 02/01/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I realized that a kid in my class is actually autistic and didn't have ADHD. The teachers went out of their way to lie that he has ADHD and not autism. No wonder people thought I was a "retard" (their words, not mine) when it came out that I had ADHD and started using classroom accommodations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 120

Be prepared!

By Anonymous - 09/03/2024 10:00 - United States - Washington

Today, we had to abandon a Winter Scout camping trip midway because of a blizzard. I was hauling my stuff out of the cabin. No one warned me about the icy steps. I slipped, landed on my tailbone, blacked out and saw stars. Everyone is now laughing at me and doing impressions of me rolling in the snow in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 105

Shoutout to all retail workers

By Anonymous - 15/03/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, it's my last week working at a gas station. A fat middle-aged man threw a hissy over the price of 2-liter Coke and demanded I change it. I asked him to leave; he wouldn't, and forced me to call the cops. He stormed out as I was on the phone, pointed at me, and called me a "weak piece of shit". Three more days… FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 85

This is wrong on so many levels

By Anonymous - 10/09/2023 18:30

Today, I noticed my new boyfriend barely touches me casually, unless I initiate, and even then he’ll pull away fairly quickly. Apparently his dad told him about "fake rape accusations", even from women you’re dating, so he’s scared to touch me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 134

Booty pic

By Anonymous - 01/11/2020 08:01 - United States - Brookhaven

Today, I went to CVS to print out some pictures. I accidentally printed out a booty pic, tried to go behind the counter and they yelled at me, "Ma’m you’re not supposed to be behind here." Then the lady held up the picture and said, "Was this one the accident?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 1 258

Loving this

By AguilaAzul - 16/11/2023 20:00

Today, after the worst year possible (3 herniated discs, my brother-in-law, who was my boss, replaced me at work during my disability, and my girlfriend dumped me during that disability). I had to go to my sister and brother-in-law's marriage renewal because my mom guilted me into it. My ex's dad and brother were also there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 88

Cheat day

By Hungry - 03/09/2019 06:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I conveniently "forgot" to write down a bunch of stuff, including a huge kebab, in my Weight Watchers food journal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 2 154

Libs stop being cringe challenge

By I'mmessedup - 31/03/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I can't go on the internet without seeing my stupid fuck of a president staring down a US serviceman while deep throating a slice of pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 1 236

By TBTC - 31/08/2012 07:16 - France - Le G?vre

Today, I was out apartment hunting with my boyfriend. We visited a marvelous place that ticked all the boxes on our requirement checklist, but my boyfriend was unenthused. There was just one small detail that I hadn’t factored in: it's very badly located if ever zombies attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 55

The classic switcheroo

By Anonymous - 16/07/2021 16:01

Today, I accidentally texted my very strict and judgemental mom instead of my boyfriend. The text said, "I wanna lick ice cream off your dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 1 459

AMAZON!

By Anonymous - 18/01/2024 06:00 - Germany

Today, I went to the pickup location where the email from Amazon said my package was, but they didn't have it. Through order tracking, I then found out that it has been delivered to the wrong location, on the other side of town. This has happened twice in a row now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 79

Between a rock and another rock

By Anonymous - 05/04/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I'm 26. With my learning disabilities and underlying physical disabilities, I cannot work high paying intellectual jobs. I have too many repetitive stress injuries from retail and fast food jobs that I cannot go back to them without being in pain. Will I ever become independent? FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 120

Dungeon Master rules

By Anonymous - 10/03/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I'd set aside a weekend to play Dungeons & Dragons. One of our players suddenly had trouble with his wife and brought his toddler over. The kid would not stop crying, getting into places he shouldn't be, and loudly shitting his diaper every 15 minutes. I had to eject the player from the game. This is why I don't want kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 184

The FML Showdown!

By Louis - 26/04/2017 21:30

Who's your fave this week! Check out these fine specimens.

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 161

Priorities

By Anonymous - 01/01/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I'm 23 and have never had a weekend or holiday off of working in my life. My requests are always denied. I've been through three jobs since high school. I understand that some workers have to look after family or kids, but he 19 year-olds, who have way more time than I do, always get it their way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 125

Make it stop

By hiccup - 28/02/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, as always, I get the hiccups ten times a day, sometimes more. They are very painful, and the only thing that makes them go away is water. The doctors have found no apparent cause. I hate my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 84

Rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 26/05/2022 04:00

Today, I asked my girlfriend why my new package of condoms was open. When she failed to change the subject, she responded with, “This is why you’re a depressive crybaby who’ll die alone!” The fight ended with me proposing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 3 148

Not sure it's the age difference…

By Anonymous - 10/05/2022 22:00

Today, I regret ever deciding to ask out a younger man. I’m 27 and he’s 21. I’m worried about my career, he’s worried about his Xbox; I love my parents, he’s still rebelling against his like an emo teenager; I want romance, he likes to wobble my breasts while giggling, saying, “Boobies.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 1 906

Bored but gossipy

By Skier Bi - 30/01/2023 22:30

Today, I'm stuck at my future brother-in-law’s Bachelor party. Ten guys I don’t know, who are all younger than me. It turns out two of them have been fucking since High School, and it’s an open secret in their group. I won’t out them, but only cause I don’t care enough to remember names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 811

Cheer up sleepy Jean

By SleepySleep - 09/06/2022 16:00

Today, I had a Zoom meeting with co-workers. I didn’t get enough sleep last night and it was early in the morning, so I was super tired. I dozed off and my head hit the keyboard’s space bar. Apparently, this feature allows the mic to unmute itself. The entire group heard my snoring. I woke up unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 1 051

Our Kansas

By Anonymous - 20/10/2022 15:00 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, my son waited until the night before he had a presentation on Arkansas due to tell me about it. We (meaning me, alone) stayed up until 3 am making a topographical map of the state out of plaster and drywall. At 8 a.m., a half hour after he got on the bus, I found it laying on his bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 1 607

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I found out I have syphilis. I only slept with one person in my entire life, my boyfriend of 2 years. When I told him about it, he burst into tears and said, "It was one time at a company party" and "Maybe if you put some Vagisil or something, it will go away." Seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 941

You deserved it 137

Today, I attended a family gathering where everyone was taking turns sharing exciting life updates. When it was my turn, I proudly announced that I'd finally mastered the art of adulting... only for my dad to pipe up with, "Makes a change from when you used to wank like a gibbon thinking we couldn't hear you up there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 186

The Top

Today, I was woken by the news that my car had been found, but was completely destroyed due to a fire. I didn't even know my car was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 178

You deserved it 2 915

Today, after having been off due to the holidays, I awoke to several missed calls and texts from my supervisor asking where I was. Fearing losing my job, I drove the entire 2-hour commute thinking I’d missed a day. I hadn't; he was just trying to get my weekly reports early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 878

You deserved it 1 358

Today, the button on my husband's pants popped for the 4th time. I already used the strongest thread and buttons. He's obviously put on some weight around the stomach, but he won't listen to reason and still blames me for my sewing, which is making his pants "turn against him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 143

You deserved it 1 745

Today, my train departed over 10 minutes early. It was the last train of the day. I missed my transatlantic flight and along with it the vacation and concert I'd spent over a year saving for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 563

You deserved it 2 718

Today, I had to make up a boyfriend to stop my lesbian roommate coming onto me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 266

You deserved it 6 641

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 299

You deserved it 5 472