Your everyday life stories

No, not them!

Anonymous - 16/01/2021 12:01 - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, after there was only one family that hated me enough to beat me up when we were kids, and we still don't get along as adults, my youngest brother is now dating into that family, and one of my older brothers is dating into that family too. It's like some kinda sick curse, or karma. FML

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Anonymous - 18/05/2019 20:00

Today, I realized cigarettes are my cure for boredom. I bore myself out of $2000-plus a year. FML

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I can't take it anymore

genn - 23/05/2023 18:00

Today, I called into work because I was too tired to keep my eyes open. My boss berated me over the phone, saying I should be more like that other employee who came in with a broken toe. That was me. FML

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Stop slacking

Anonymous - 02/08/2023 15:00

Today, after working for 7 hours straight, I sat down for a second to wait for an elevator. My manager told me I wasn't allowed to sit and that I had to get back to work. FML

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Tell us more about this trial business

Anonymous - 22/09/2022 20:30

Today, while reading up on my ex-brother-in-law’s trial, I tripped over my own two feet, and heard my wrists, hands and fingers crack on a stone table. I can’t afford any more hospital bills. FML

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Told you so

Anonymous - 02/02/2023 14:00

Today, I told my stepdad 3 times not to unload my new stove by himself, being worried about both the appliance and his bad back. When I came back to the car two minutes later, he'd taken the stove out and was wondering where that huge scratch on the side might have come from. FML

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Leftovers

Anonymous - 20/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, my daughter brought home her class hamster for the weekend. It escaped and we spent hours searching for it. We later found it in the fridge, eating our leftover pizza. I never knew hamsters had such a refined palate. FML

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Noise annoys

Anonymous - 21/06/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I’ve been at my new house for a week. My new neighbour’s dog barks non-stop all day, and their newborn baby cries non-stop all night. FML

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My dad, the goober

Anonymous - 16/06/2022 04:00

Today, my dad continues to make jokes about the rude things he does to avoid dealing with people who try to point out that he's seriously a massive douchebag, and is overall just unpleasant to be around. I have no idea why my mom married this man and had three children with him, let alone why they're still together. FML

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Happy birthday to me

lukey101 - 20/07/2023 02:00 - Australia

Today, it’s my birthday. My boss treated me to a day off work, except my mother called at 12:01am drunk as hell screaming, “Happy birthday” down the phone. When I finally fell back asleep, I awoke to my boss asking me to come in after all. FML

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Class struggle

Brokeasajoke - 30/04/2022 14:00

Today, my Food Stamp application was denied because my income is apparently “too high”. I pay $1800 in rent and water, $130 for the phone and internet bill, $400 on credit cards, $150 for electricity, and $120 on car insurance. Nice to know they expect me to eat with $50/month. FML

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Maybe next time

Anonymous - 11/06/2022 10:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I received a message saying that tomorrow's plans are cancelled. I spent the whole week preparing for it, and now because of ONE person who isn't able to make it, all my efforts are gone. FML

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Back to square one

Anonymous - 10/09/2022 19:00

Today, I found out I can't earn a bachelor’s degree towards my dream career because I have previously gone to undergrad. I only went to undergrad because my parents convinced me not to pursue my dream career the first time around. I quit a brutal job to pursue this… but at least I had a job. FML

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Practice makes perfect

Reb - 26/09/2022 21:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I posted a picture of a drawing that I was so proud of on Twitter. It was the best drawing I’ve ever done. A few minutes later, someone commented saying, “What is this?” Looks like it’s back to the drawing board for me. FML

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The sunk cost fallacy

Stephanie - 02/10/2022 20:00

Today, I finally got over my ex and his past of constant lying/cheating/manipulation in our relationship. Only… I'm still living in his house with all of my stuff and my cat, because I've already paid him my half of his mortgage for the next two months. FML

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Long term commitment

Jules - 27/11/2020 07:56 - Germany

Today, while tidying up my grandmother's fridge, I got to play expiration-date-bingo. The winner was some type of concentrated apple sauce supposed to be used for salad dressings. It expired in 1986. FML

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Queen's gambit

xinxiulin - 26/08/2022 18:00 - Australia

Today, my best friends became friends with my ex-girlfriend, saying she was really nice. I found this to be an awful lot of BS because my ex didn't even like me, and liked someone else while dating me. That was an arsehole move. My friends all became friendly with her, disregarding my presence, and saying she's "so nice." FML

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Happy together

Anonymous - 05/07/2023 02:00

Today, I finally reached the age where me just being alive annoys my wife. She asked me during a movie if I “have to breathe like that because it’s so damn annoying.” FML

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No thanks

Reality-Checked Wallflower - 20/10/2022 14:00

Today, I overheard my school counselor mentioning that community service is required to graduate. As a Senior who is a good, well-behaved student, but rarely leaves my house due to social anxiety and hearing problems, this is kind of a HUGE problem. And no, nobody else ever told me about this until now. FML

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Love hurts

wray16 - 26/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML

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Sometimes the truth is too weird to believe

fml9124 - 06/06/2021 14:01

Today, my mom grounded me for smoking cigarettes. I'm 13. I don't smoke. She said she smelled it on my clothes. I laughed and said I was in the basement, and used one of my dad's cig's to simulate a house on fire on my train layout. She didn't believe me. Honestly, I wouldn't believe that story either. FML

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Food ****

Anonymous - 11/06/2021 22:01

Today, I decided to start eating healthier, so I had fruit and yoghurt for breakfast and a chicken salad for lunch. My stomach violently rejected both meals in a fountain of vomit. I later ate a giant McDonald’s meal with no issue, and felt loads better. FML

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Go deep

Anonymous - 27/06/2021 11:01

Today, it's been one week since I went to get my birth control renewed. It also marks 16 days until I get the half that broke off in my uterus removed. FML

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Dark humor

Anonymous - 14/07/2021 04:01

Today, whilst I was setting up a room for a paediatric first aid course, some of the students arrived. At that precise moment I dropped one of the dolls, and for whatever reason, the first words out of my mouth were, "Oops, I killed the baby." Death glares ensued very quickly. FML

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Zombie

Night Owl No More - 13/08/2022 04:00

Today, I had to explain to my gaming friends that I can't be a night owl anymore because of a major health scare where I was suddenly unable to sleep at all. I now have to take sleeping pills every night and abide by a strict sleeping schedule. My friends are bummed out, and I feel bad for them. Fuck insomnia. FML

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World's #1 father

Anonymous - 27/08/2022 10:00

Today, my baby daddy texted me after months of me being alone and pregnant, asking if we could hang out. I'm on bed rest, and almost due. FML

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Wasting away

Anonymous - 13/09/2021 19:59 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I keep trying to use the Meetup app to meet people, but life keeps trolling me, and every event I even attempt to join (all virtual so far) has been met with no social interaction. It feels like life keeps hammering in the idea that I should just sit in my room and atrophy away. FML

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Great family you've got there

Anonymous - 31/01/2021 14:01

Today, my wife, who recently had cancer, made an offhand comment that my 30-year-old sister took offense to. Instead of saying something, she went and called our parents. My dad then called and yelled at me for 5 minutes about it. FML

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Dadbods for ever

Anonymous - 13/09/2022 14:30

Today, I was rejected by my crush at work, because I'm "too ripped." FML

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Slot machine addicts

Hospoh8r - 24/03/2021 18:01 - New Zealand

Today, I'm working in hospitality. I was serving a customer when another customer came up to cash in from the pokies. I told them I'd be there in a minute, and they said OK. By the time I got to them, they were complaining to my boss. Guess whose side was taken? FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my boyfriend and I were in my backyard goofing around when he tried to pick me up. He couldn't. I jokingly tried to lift him. I did so without much effort. FML

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Today, my boyfriend thought it was a good show of etiquette to answer a text message from his ex, while he was still inside me. FML

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Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML

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Today, my girlfriend and my parents staged an intervention, and have asked me to go to rehab. What they want me to go to rehab for? World of Warcraft. FML

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Today, I found out my husband wasn’t really “working from home” in the evenings. He locks himself in his office until the late hours of the night, having intimate Skype sessions with his coworker. That explains why our joint bank account hasn’t seen a direct deposit this past month. FML

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Today, I mowed our lawn without being asked. My sister wouldn't stop yelling at me for not checking with her, because she wanted the grass to get long enough to "play jungle" in. My mom sided with her. FML

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