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The all-time greatest FMLs

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

By Whoishe? - 02/06/2021 06:00

Today, I realized my husband is a completely different person than when we married. It’s only been three and a half years since we eloped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 176

Chuds

By Anonymous - 08/12/2020 13:58

Today, at my retail job, I was trying to get a large amount of cardboard to the trash and had a short path to maneuver through displays and customers. As I'm coming down the aisle, a customer sees me and stops to look at a coffee cup display, directly in my path. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 124

Recession

By Anonymous - 08/06/2022 04:00

Today, I made my last mortgage payment and can finally save more money from my pay each month. I’m retiring next week and my pension isn’t even close to my wage. I was better off when I was working to pay the mortgage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 177

My dad, the goober

By Anonymous - 16/06/2022 04:00

Today, my dad continues to make jokes about the rude things he does to avoid dealing with people who try to point out that he's seriously a massive douchebag, and is overall just unpleasant to be around. I have no idea why my mom married this man and had three children with him, let alone why they're still together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 126

It is the way

By Anonymous - 26/10/2022 18:00

Today, after I broke up yet another fight between my sons, I demanded to know why they hate each other and fight all the time. After some blank looks they said, almost in unison, “It is the way” and wouldn’t explain what they meant. Even the internet isn’t being helpful here. Help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 206

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 179

Symptomatic

By Anonymous - 27/02/2022 13:59 - Germany

Today, I discovered that a high enough stress level can cause the same symptoms as the flu. So whenever things are quite awful at work, I get the added bonus of feeling like I’m coming down with something really nasty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 102

Fortress of solitude

By Anonymous - 29/08/2022 18:00

Today, my son hates people so much he's working three jobs to be able move out and pay for his own place. He got the keys today and when I asked if he was having a housewarming party, he told me he’s not giving his address out to anyone, and no one is invited, ever, not even me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 661

Babysitters for hire

By Middle Age Divorced Dad - 24/01/2023 17:00 - Canada - Kanata

Today, my girlfriend and I went out to neighbour's just down the street and left my 12 and 14 year-old daughters at home. The 12 year-old found the fire extinguisher and thought it was whipped cream, put it in her mouth, and tried to eat it. The 14 year-old didn't even bother to call us. Luckily, the 12 year-old is fine, the stuff was safe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 358

Getting on

By Kelly - 05/07/2022 22:00

Today, I learned the hard way that age is not just a number when I completely threw out my back while sitting on the ground, gently tossing a ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 118

Red pill bozos

By Anonymous - 06/07/2023 03:00

Today, I asked my son about girls and stuff and he told me he’s probably never going to date. I asked him why, and it turns out he’s afraid of being sent to jail if she makes any sort of false allegation against him. I told him not all women are like that, he told me I’m either naive or lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 283

Lockdown blues

By Sed4life - 12/03/2021 05:01

Today, I realized just how small and boring my life has become when the highlight of my week was an "epic quest" to the edge of the lockdown limit, to visit the only store with my favorite toothpaste. They didn't even have any in stock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 169

Leave me alone!

By Jack Slate - 12/12/2020 11:02

Today, my anxious, obsessive, overbearing mother called me four times. That's significantly less than usual. When I complained to my dad, he said, "She just worries about you because she loves you." I don't feel loved, I feel smothered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 151

Stop slacking

By Anonymous - 02/08/2023 15:00

Today, after working for 7 hours straight, I sat down for a second to wait for an elevator. My manager told me I wasn't allowed to sit and that I had to get back to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 108

I'm outta here

By Anonymous - 04/04/2023 10:00 - Australia

Today, I was dating someone who completely believed cyborgs killed his family, although they are very much alive. He also faked having relationships a couple of times, and last but not least he pretended to be someone else he was stalking in real life for 3 years. I only found this out after I broke up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 141

Poor good girl

By mary07 - 15/07/2022 14:00

Today, I woke up, got out of bed, but I didn’t notice the dog right next to my bed and accidentally kicked her. All the treats, apologies, and attempted pets in the world won’t help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 221

Major red flag

By Anonymous - 13/01/2023 10:00 - United States - Ewa Beach

Today, I asked the guy I’m seeing if he thought I was pretty. He replied that "all women on Earth" don’t compare to "the women in heaven", therefore all “earthly women” look like monkeys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 203

Happy together

By Anonymous - 05/07/2023 03:00

Today, I finally reached the age where me just being alive annoys my wife. She asked me during a movie if I “have to breathe like that because it’s so damn annoying.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 179

Oblivious

By Anonymous - 03/09/2023 06:00

Today, a couple convinced me I should ask out their daughter I went to school with, because it’s "obvious" we like each other. I do have a crush on her, so I decided to bravely go for it. She didn’t just say no, it was, “Ew, no, weirdo.” All her parents could say was, “Wow, we misjudged that, our bad.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 121

Falling down

By Ouch - 26/06/2021 11:01 - Serbia

Today, I learned how it feels like when you fall off a second floor balcony with mom's flower pot, landing on your back. My mom got pissed because of her beloved flowers, and gave me a lecture while I rolled on the ground in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 129

Respect is dead

By Anonymous - 17/07/2023 12:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my mom and I went to visit my Dad to wish him happy birthday. I was at a red light, waiting to make a left-hand turn into the only driveway, and once the light turned green, I was unable to go, because another car was coming out. Cars behind me were beeping. I was turning into the cemetery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 110

Inflation woes

By DevoutOccamist - 31/10/2022 00:00

Today, after I got a great job at my asking salary, my boss then quit without telling me my salary was maxed out. I learned this when, two years in a row, I got a 1% raise because I'm redlined. With inflation, my take-home pay has dropped by 15% in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 157

On the down-low

By IrialNiall - 08/02/2021 07:42

Today, I tried to quit my job of almost 6 years so I can date the man of my dreams, one of my bosses. When I gave my 3 weeks notice so they can try to replace me, they refused to accept it. My potential boyfriend won't see me anymore until I quit and can't tell my other managers why I need to quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 1 328

IrialNiall tells us more.

IrialNiall 12

Monday 8 February 2021 2:55

I have another job lined up, no problem, and am already hired in. It made more sense for me to be the one to leave since I'm hourly and he's salary. I love my job, but I hate it at the same time, so it's a bit of both. He never asked me to leave though, I offered to be the one to go somewhere else. He's never struck me as controlling or anything like that before, and still doesn't now. But neither of us wants to be fired. I don't think you're cynical at all, by the way, and actually appreciate you're honesty and POV

Great family you've got there

By Anonymous - 31/01/2021 14:01

Today, my wife, who recently had cancer, made an offhand comment that my 30-year-old sister took offense to. Instead of saying something, she went and called our parents. My dad then called and yelled at me for 5 minutes about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 180

Slot machine addicts

By Hospoh8r - 24/03/2021 23:01 - New Zealand

Today, I'm working in hospitality. I was serving a customer when another customer came up to cash in from the pokies. I told them I'd be there in a minute, and they said OK. By the time I got to them, they were complaining to my boss. Guess whose side was taken? FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 85

Go deep

By Anonymous - 27/06/2021 11:01

Today, it's been one week since I went to get my birth control renewed. It also marks 16 days until I get the half that broke off in my uterus removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 118

Truth

By Anonymous - 24/01/2021 14:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I recently started seeing a girl and I slept over at her house for the first time. Apparently, I still talk in my sleep. This morning she told me I whispered, "I love you so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 167

Leftovers

By Anonymous - 20/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, my daughter brought home her class hamster for the weekend. It escaped and we spent hours searching for it. We later found it in the fridge, eating our leftover pizza. I never knew hamsters had such a refined palate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 183

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 16:01

Today, I experienced the fright of a lifetime when I woke up and heard my bedroom door opening. Fearing that there was an intruder, I picked up a bat and opened the door, ready to whack the mystery intruder. There was no one there. No one, except my cat, who apparently knows how to open doors now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 148

Dark humor

By Anonymous - 14/07/2021 04:01

Today, whilst I was setting up a room for a paediatric first aid course, some of the students arrived. At that precise moment I dropped one of the dolls, and for whatever reason, the first words out of my mouth were, "Oops, I killed the baby." Death glares ensued very quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 292

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The Top

The Top

Today, I found out that the loud noise outside my bedroom a few weeks ago was neighborhood kids throwing eggs at my window, landing on the AC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 531

You deserved it 747

Today, in the middle of explaining over the phone to my crush how I felt about him, I got a text from his best friend, who was apparently with him at the time. It said, "He doesn't like you, get over it. Stop rambling." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 138

You deserved it 6 135

Today, I had to take a test that's required to pass the class. The test administor told us that those of us who were wearing hoodies would have to take them off. I would have taken mine off, but I was only wearing a bra underneath. There's no other days I can reschedule the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 030

You deserved it 14 470

Today, I went skiing for the very first time and spent more time falling down than actually skiing. Despite the fact that I'm up here in the mountains for another week with my family, I'm never trying that again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 553

You deserved it 379

Today, my wife asked me to smack her ass as a sign of affection, so I did, she liked it, and we had sex. This afternoon I walked past and smacked her ass again. I now have a bruised eye, ringing in my left ear, and a severe warning to never do that again. Why? FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 209

Today, it was my best friend's wedding. The night ended with her in tears outside her hotel suite, where she confessed that she has a serious crush on me. I have a serious crush on her too. We're both straight women. I'm really confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 183