Money: Today, I was helping my elderly landlady (75 years old) carry... - FML

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was helping my elderly landlady (75 years old) carry in her groceries. She said "Thanks" and then handed me a notice of eviction. FML

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BO Central

Unrequited

You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone

By weirdo - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to send him a pic of myself being happy for his phone's caller ID. So I picked out a picture where I'm grinning a big grin, clearly very happy like he asked. He replies back, "You look weird there. Send a pretty one." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that I'm immune to laughing gas and partially immune to novocaine while I was getting two teeth pulled. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I realised my dad speaks to me the same way he speaks to my dog when she's done something bad. FML

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By horrible daughter - United States - Santee

Today, I was feeling guilty about an argument I had with my mother right before she left to go shopping. When she got back, I ran to give her a hug and tell her I loved her. Unfortunately, in the process, I knocked over and broke her new $200 vase. FML

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By rugs - United States

Today, while moving, I asked my wife where she put the alcohol. She told me she threw it out, because it was old. It was Scotch. It's supposed to be old. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Peachtree City

Today, we had a surprise party for my boss. Someone turned out all the lights. I was so scared of the dark, the first thing my boss saw when he walked in was all my co-workers watching me scream, "TURN IT ON!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bellaire

Today, my boyfriend accidentally broke my nose the day he was meeting my parents for the first time. FML

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By Highschoolsucks - Australia - Brisbane

Unexpected item

Today, I was hit in the head with a football during class. Spanish class. FML

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By desigirl - United States - Johnson City

Today, my boyfriend told me I should stop talking about his major gambling problem because he still loves me even though I gained weight. Apparently that evens things out. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Wageningen

Today, I got written up with a final warning because I ''drink alcoholic beverages'' at work. I was drinking Root Beer. FML

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By Freezing

It's frostbite time!

Today, the whole upstairs was so cold that I had to wear mittens inside. When I asked my parents why it was so cold, they replied that to save money, they had decided not to heat the upstairs, since "nobody is ever up there, anyway." My bedroom is upstairs. FML

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By Tweety - United States

Today, I found out via a Twitter post that my girlfriend is pregnant. FML

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By pasha - Canada - Beamsville

Today, my overly-clean mum decided to drop by and surprise me by cleaning my house while I was out jogging. She used half a bottle of bleach, and now it hurts to blink, let alone breathe. FML

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By jerrid - United States

Today, a drunk man opened the unlocked door to my house thinking it was his house. He tried to attack me because he thought I was a burglar. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I’m almost six weeks pregnant. From exactly ten seconds of penetration. FML

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By hopelesscollegestudent - Canada

Today, I asked my college chemistry teacher for some much-needed help. Instead of explaining anything to me, she scoffed that if I don't understand something, I should "just Google it." FML

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By Helpless

Today I had to tell my girlfriend that we can't keep taking care of her drug addicted dad because it is ruining out lives. We have a 90 day notice to move and I said I won't move to a new place if she is going to have him live there. Guess who is looking for a new roommate. FML

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By Confused

Today, I woke up 2 hours early to go to the physical therapist my doctor referred me to. She did confirm physical therapy will help, but she doesn't treat my issue. She’s also the only person in my city who takes my insurance. FML

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By leah_kascar - United States - Hialeah

Today, in the class I'm teaching, I assigned my students an essay to complete for homework. One student asked me if I was deducting points for bad spelling. I teach English. FML

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By Anonymous - Barbados - Bridgetown

Today, my husband and I arrived in Barbados on vacation. We visited a club, and they had a selection of drinks with weird names. My husband ordered one called the Raging Bitch, flicked his finger towards me, and said to the barkeeper, "Might as well get something I'm used to." FML

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By jazzyfizzle - United States

Acting 101

Today, I was partnered with this really sexy guy for an audition. He says, "Am I really stuck with you? I can't even stand being seen with you in public!" I start cursing him out really loud, but then I realize that he's only reading the script. Everyone was staring, and he called me a crazy bitch. FML

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By sdd - Switzerland - Lotzwil

Today, I was chatting with my choir leader. I told him that I have been thinking about taking singing lessons. His immediate reaction was, "Thank god, finally!" FML

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By married - United States

Today, my sister and I were both on Facebook, updating our statuses. I set mine to "just got released from hospital with Baby Lily", as I'd had a baby earlier this week. My sister set hers to "menstrual blood smells like shrimp". Her status got 37 likes. Mine got none. FML

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By mskawaiibat - United States - Laguna Hills

Today, my step mom and her kids moved in. This is my first night sharing a room with her daughter. She snores, sleep talks, and sleep scratches the side of the bed creating a sound like nails on a chalkboard. FML

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By laptitesouris - France - Pertuis

Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML

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By Mark - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to approach a girl. I've never done anything like this before. She stared me down, not saying a word, until I felt so little that I just walked away. FML

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By hickhick

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a regular check up. They found "odd red marks" on the inside of my thighs. They started to think it might be a skin disease, so I had to explain to my mother and the doctor that it was hickeys from my boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy who lives on the same floor as me in my apartment complex. I got stood up. Instead I got to listen to him doing the girl who lives next door to me. FML

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By ahhhhhhh

Today, my daughter was acting strange. When she wasn’t muttering in some strange language, she was talking about invisible people coming to get me. Terrified, I called my boyfriend. Turns out he taught her that as a prank. He knows I’m afraid of anything supernatural. FML

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By Littlebigben

Today, I found a cellphone. I went through the contacts and called the one listed as 'dad' to inform them I could leave it at a cash register of the store I found it in or take it to the police station so they could pick it up. They then called the police, insisting I stole it. FML

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By arace15336 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is only staying with me for the present I promised him for his birthday. FML

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By Munch - Australia - Mordialloc

Today, my short-tempered, alcoholic boyfriend proudly showed me the rifle he bought. This guy regularly swears at his own sneezes and often flies into fits of rage because it's hard to get his shoe on. Time to move out. FML

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By Chad - United States

Today, my wife bought $80 worth of Glee songs on iTunes. FML

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By NextTimeMom'sDriving - Canada - Kelowna

Today, my family and I were on a road trip. Everything was fine until we discovered that my dad, the driver, was not only fast asleep, he was also snoring. We were in the middle of the highway. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2021 21:27 - India - Bangalore

Jack of all trades…

Today, I'm a generalist with moderate knowledge of multiple domains, but since I'm not a specialist in any, I'm not getting a job. FML

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By Demotivation - Germany

Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML

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By gretel - Australia

Today, I'd finally reached my goal weight. I went into the office where my husband was, to show him the new size 8 jeans I'd bought. He responded with "I wouldn't buy any more clothes, you'll be putting the weight back on again soon." FML

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By minustoenail - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I entered a stairwell, the fire alarm went off, triggering the automatic fire doors to close. The one I was walking through ran over my foot, ripping my toenail, and then smacked me in the face. FML

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Top comments

By PhillyFox | 0

#610411 - Thursday 8 October 2009 16:09

There's something that you convieniently left out here. Why are you getting evicted? YDI if there's a valid reason. Sorry but "I helped her with her groceries" won't work if you haven't paid your rent in three months.

By Poke_my_mon | 0

#610332 - Thursday 8 October 2009 14:47

You should have slept with her.

COMMENTS

By silkee_shiny | 0

#610191 - Thursday 8 October 2009 12:14

hahahaha pwned!!

Reply

GreenHacker | 0

#613233 - Saturday 10 October 2009 10:00

This totally made my night

Reply

cookiepenguin | 0

#887945 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 7:47

so? u helped someone

By xxmollyxx | 25

#610197 - Thursday 8 October 2009 12:17

Well that'll teach ya to pay your rent on time!

Reply

tinkerbell1357 | 0

#919141 - Saturday 6 March 2010 17:37

YDI for being a suck up!!!!!!!!!

Reply

linyah | 11

#4932107 - Friday 14 September 2012 16:36

how the hell do you know op wasn't paying the rent on time? Where in this fml does it state that?

By brinky09 | 0

#610213 - Thursday 8 October 2009 12:23

YDI for not knowing all landlords/ladies are EVIL

By SaintJimmy | 0

#610222 - Thursday 8 October 2009 12:29

I agree with #11.

Reply

waterynuggets | 0

#610224 - Thursday 8 October 2009 12:31

I agree with #5.

By dncroy | 0

#610245 - Thursday 8 October 2009 12:56

ydi for not paying ur rent..
fly looks like ur 16yo!. gonna get better - or worse - dont worry, just dont worry
lolll hard

By pwnrzero | 0

#610248 - Thursday 8 October 2009 12:59

now this is more of a fml since the person may not be able to find a proper aprtment in time, and be forced to spend time in a motel.

it almost happened to my entire familu

D=

Reply

TheTruth1428 | 0

#610537 - Thursday 8 October 2009 17:20

That doesn't make it a FML, it's the OP's fault in the first place that they're getting evicted. Just because he got the eviction notice after doing something polite doesn't make it a FML.

Reply

banana527 | 12

#5309194 - Saturday 5 January 2013 4:35

EXACTLY carrying groceries for the elderly, although it is very nice, doesn't make up for not paying the rent on time! YDI

By noelmccartney | 3

#610281 - Thursday 8 October 2009 13:48

what a (elderly) bitch

By visage | 0

#610296 - Thursday 8 October 2009 14:05

Keep your junk paid and that won't happen!

By xOpheliacx | 0

#610317 - Thursday 8 October 2009 14:24

Well, what'd you do to get evicted and why did you think helping her carry in groceries would change her mind?

By wazdog | 4

#610323 - Thursday 8 October 2009 14:34

YDI for not paying rent and expecting her to let you stay. She'd definitely prefer the rent than a one-off helping hand.