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By seth7_ - 18/01/2014 07:14 - United States - Dunedin

Today, after arriving home from work I found that my dog took a dump down the air conditioning vents on the floor. Now the whole house smells so good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 486

You deserved it 5 283

seth7_ tells us more.

seth7_ 22

Wednesday 22 January 2014 4:28

In the process of training, he's a puppy though. My wife was supposed to be watching him but something came up.

Canvassing

By Anonymous - 29/09/2022 22:30 - Czech Republic - Mesice

Today, I was alone at home. It was a boring day, so I just masturbated. Then someone rang the bell. Police and reporters were waiting for me at the door. There was a triple homicide and a suicide next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 517

You deserved it 215

By maybe dead in a day - 20/01/2013 19:28 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 912

You deserved it 4 254

By acincollege - 21/02/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 506

You deserved it 53 082

Cathartic

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 15:59

Today, I was bored and horny. I figured, what the hell, and downloaded an adult visual novel. Five hours later, I was heartbroken and couldn't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 384

By Noname - 19/02/2009 21:47 - United States

Today, I went bowling with my mom and she paid for 2 games. By the 6th frame of game 1 she was bored and to get her money back for both games she told the employees I shit my pants. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 400

You deserved it 3 763

By ReallyMom - 09/01/2014 21:48 - United States - Shawano

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 732

You deserved it 5 213

Gullible

By BoringFucker - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend openly mocked me, calling me an idiot for thinking seahorses are real. She insists that they're like unicorns, and only exist in fiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 369

You deserved it 4 849

By Anonymous - 04/01/2014 06:06 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my daughter started speaking with hashtags. I told her to knock it off, to which she replied, "You don't get it, mom - hashtag white girl probs." Hashtag FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 547

You deserved it 6 393

By Grant - 11/01/2013 00:51 - United States

Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 788

You deserved it 3 115

By WayTooMuchFacebook - 04/02/2012 05:07 - United States

Today, I read some funny scribblings on a wall in the bathroom stall. My first instinct was to "Like" it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 140

You deserved it 33 550

By dantko - 01/01/2014 05:04 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 134

You deserved it 5 327

By Bailey - 05/04/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 492

You deserved it 6 732

Good boy

By Ugh - 16/02/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I submitted my picture to a rating website. It was rejected because I didn't clarify which person I was. The picture was of my dog and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 486

You deserved it 7 081

Honk if you Love Me!

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 16:01 - Switzerland

Today, I'm so lonely that I get happy when I get attention from car drivers when they honk at me for driving too slowly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 260

More context please !

By Anonymous - 23/10/2022 02:00

Today, my girlfriend tried to distract me from an argument I was winning by taking off her clothes for sex. Then she got mad when I told her to grow up and get dressed. By the way, the fight was over how she threw my mom's ashes in the trash, I don’t care if we never have sex again, I’m gonna win this argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 232

You deserved it 260

By MR - 10/03/2010 18:37 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum decided to teach me a lesson about carelessly leaving my wallet about. She left it on the floor so our puppy could use it and its contents as a chew toy. I was almost impressed to discover that he can eat three £20 notes and still have room for debit cards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 075

You deserved it 9 138

By oldsoulyoungbody - 30/01/2012 15:07 - United States

Today, I realized that my husband and I are at that point in our marriage where "sleeping together" means scooting closer to each other in the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 349

You deserved it 4 202

By lonely otaku - 25/12/2013 07:46 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, Christmas changed my life. Last year I had a boyfriend to cuddle with on Christmas; this year I have a body pillow of an anime character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 453

You deserved it 7 411

By idiot - 04/01/2013 10:13 - Sweden

Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 207

You deserved it 12 978

By brokeandsingle - 29/01/2012 09:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally made the last payment on the beautiful engagement ring I bought and proposed with - two years ago. To my ex-girlfriend, who said no and promptly started sleeping with one of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 478

You deserved it 3 201

Or he's just becoming an old goober

By Anonymous - 15/04/2020 02:00

Today, my boyfriend, who went to college, is unable to write a two-line email without saying the text out loud at least five times in a row. He also keeps repeating newspaper lines and simple things I say, in a whisper, in order to understand them. I'm afraid he might be developing dementia. At 40 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 820

You deserved it 306

Do me

By noneofthesex - 10/02/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying, "Come over and do me." He never responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 575

You deserved it 12 170

Not much better

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 05:06 - Kazakhstan

Today, I received a text from my girlfriend in which she broke up with me. I was upset, but one minute later another text from her said, "Sorry, wrong person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 221

You deserved it 3 702

By Jenny - 09/02/2009 04:10 - United States

Today, for our 8 month anniversary, my boyfriend bought me a hideous necklace with ugly charms hanging off it. I wore it anyway and got a rash from it on the side of my neck. After seeing the rash my boyfriend accused me of having a hickey from another guy and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 405

You deserved it 4 853

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 10:06 - United States

Today, my mom walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. She was completely embarrassed (as was I) and she flew out of the room. My boyfriend, on the other hand, still wanted to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 456

You deserved it 20 788

By thank u usa - 13/12/2013 22:20 - Germany

Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 109

You deserved it 3 576

By Reliena - 21/01/2012 05:47 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were in the shower, we began to get a bit frisky. That was until I lifted my arms and he immediately made one of his "Chewbacca Calls." He was referring to my armpits that I had forgotten to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 584

You deserved it 29 210

By Alejandroc - 20/01/2012 01:46 - Honduras

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me with a message that I had to pay $1 to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 191

You deserved it 3 476

By Anonymous - 02/03/2010 21:16 - United States

Today, I found out my little sister is a pyromaniac. She set my bed on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 301

You deserved it 2 685

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Random

Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 366

You deserved it 1 055

Today, I went to the library to bring back some books, I walked up to the counter and the librarian turned to me and said "What can I do for you young man?" I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 807

You deserved it 339

Today, I discovered my deadbeat ex-husband will not have to pay child support anymore, because while he sat on CERB the entire pandemic, I was an essential worker, and will be punished for having had an actual income. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 178

Today, I've applied to 300 jobs in the past 4 months, gotten 7 interview, 2 of which have gone to a third round and I'm still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 96

Today, I got terminated from my job due to two coworkers accusing me of saying racial slurs four months ago. Four months ago I refused to support the same coworkers in trying to terminate another coworker on false allegations. I’m the least racist person you could ever met. I’m also 5 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 116

Today, I worked up the courage to ask a question in a packed lecture hall. The professor repeated my question, except he'd misheard me and rephrased it into something wildly incorrect. The class laughed. Instead of correcting him, I nodded. Now half the class thinks I don’t understand the difference between correlation and causation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 263