Love: Today, Christmas changed my life. Last year I had a boyfriend... - FML

25/12/2013 07:46 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, Christmas changed my life. Last year I had a boyfriend to cuddle with on Christmas; this year I have a body pillow of an anime character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 367

You deserved it 7 374

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Best teeth in the game

The smell detective is on the case

McGastric

By Mc'xplosive - 09/10/2019 04:00

Today, after months of avoiding fast food, I decided to eat some McDonald's french fries. Though the fries were delicious, they were not worth the agonizing 15 minutes I spent on the toilet afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 245

You deserved it 437

16/08/2019 00:01

Today, I saw my boyfriend cutting the crusts off his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He’s 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 1 789

27/03/2012 15:54 - Australia - Perth

Today, I realised being the only female engineering student sucks. I have exactly one friend, because everyone else is too busy staring at my boobs to have a conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 685

You deserved it 4 818

04/08/2016 14:42 - United States - Urbana

Today, I got mugged. I almost felt sorry for him: he got a $15 cell phone, a frozen debit card, a credit card with only $50 of credit left on it, and no cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 291

You deserved it 1 586

01/12/2016 18:22

Today, after boiling eggs my whole life, I wanted to try a packaged hard-boiled egg for the first time. I'd never had a cold egg before, so I thought it would be a good idea to warm it up. Now, I'm cleaning out a billion pieces of egg shrapnel in the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 436

You deserved it 9 717

03/11/2009 02:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had it off. He sounds like Chewbacca when he comes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 801

You deserved it 4 230

Christmas Chaos

By shaggyberaddy - 05/01/2018 05:00

Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 455

You deserved it 849

Nice to see you too

By mcfatty - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - India - Bangalore

Today, despite having a bunch of work and school related things to do, I made time to go visit family I hadn't seen in a while. The main topic of discussion was how fat I've gotten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 067

You deserved it 1 627

03/12/2013 17:33 - United States - New York

Today, my 4-year-old daughter stood up to a bully in the mall. I was the one who was getting bullied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 575

You deserved it 8 802

15/06/2017 16:00

Today, my boss selected me to be the company representative at an important meeting in Portland with one of our biggest clients. I was thrilled, until I realized he hadn't said anything about my plane ticket or hotel reservation. He later told me that I'll need to acquire those things myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 883

You deserved it 237

08/09/2012 22:39 - United States

Today, I discovered a large and somewhat disturbing whitehead inside my ear crevice. Apparently it's been there for a while, because everyone at work has nicknamed it Hugo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 921

You deserved it 3 050

No kinkshaming here

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 04:37 - United States - Northridge

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 978

You deserved it 5 741

29/06/2011 16:44 - Canada

Today, I was told that I may die by the time I'm 30, and that I should Google the disorder because he doesn't know what it is for sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 067

You deserved it 3 443

Tinder surprise

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 21:30

Today, I was hitting it off pretty well with a girl I met through a dating app. However, she's never going to speak to me again because I also happened to "match" with her friend. How was I supposed to know they knew each other? FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 213

24/02/2014 19:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned that I'm the only person in my family that our new cat likes. She sleeps on my bed and always sits in my lap and despises everyone else. I'm allergic to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 626

You deserved it 4 497

16/03/2010 13:31 - United States

Today, I dropped my car keys down the elevator shaft at my dorm. I had parked my car at a parking meter, and now had no way to get change out of my car. It took six hours for someone to get my keys, and I now have a $75 parking ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 365

You deserved it 4 867

04/01/2009 10:15 - France

Today, at a rehearsal, a friend poked me: "My mother is in the orchestra, guess who she is!" I jokingly answer: "Erm…The fat singer?". It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 171

You deserved it 27 145

28/07/2012 18:29 - Canada - York

Today, I asked my best friend if he would do me the honour of becoming my son's godfather. He replied, "Um, that's just rude. You know I'm an atheist." Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 152

You deserved it 8 437

06/04/2011 19:31 - United States

Today, I discovered that an unmentioned side effect of my new medication is body zits. I now have zits on my neck, my ear, and inside my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 293

You deserved it 3 390

06/02/2012 21:43 - United States

Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 855

You deserved it 2 176

24/10/2009 21:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a nice moment with my granddaughter as she was being affectionate by stroking my face. We were both quite content, until she said, "Aw, Grandma, your skin feels just like a crocodile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 889

You deserved it 3 451

07/02/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 693

You deserved it 2 877

04/03/2015 02:35 - United States - Richardson

Today, I got pulled over during my driving test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 197

You deserved it 7 662

20/03/2013 23:53 - United States - Wilmette

Today, I tossed half a sausage to a dog sitting beside a park bench. It wasn't until he lunged for it and dragged the man beside him off of the bench that I realized it was a seeing eye dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 099

You deserved it 26 815

03/09/2011 23:49 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 089

You deserved it 42 592

03/06/2011 20:22 - United States

Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won't be hiring me. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 666

You deserved it 2 843

12/03/2010 16:55 - United Kingdom

Today, while celebrating at my friend's birthday party, I fell down a flight of stairs, got into a fight with my flatmate, and ruined my friend's outfit after drinking too much. I'm expecting I'll need to find a new place to live tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 656

You deserved it 32 054

03/03/2010 01:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband admitted to me that he has a mental block about touching my boobs, because he's afraid that breast milk is going to spurt out at him. I had my son 5 months ago and I don't breast feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 494

You deserved it 4 083

26/11/2015 20:24 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, my dad went to a hardware store to replace the broken shower head in my bathroom. He got the cheapest shower head he could find, and so when I took a shower, the shower head burst out and hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 349

You deserved it 2 117

15/09/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, while fingering my girlfriend in the dark, I tried to be sexy and licked my fingers. After we turned the lights back on, we realized that her period had come early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 465

You deserved it 2 086

20/12/2011 00:56 - United States

Today, while working at the zoo, I noticed a boy throwing candy into the warthog's exhibit. The fastest way to get there was to go through the exhibit, and speak to the kid from inside. I must have said three words when a lollipop hit me in the eye. Then the warthog peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 256

You deserved it 4 171

04/02/2011 02:14 - United States

Today, I learned that my house's fly infestation is worse than I thought. I now have maggots crawling and dropping from my ceiling. I have to sleep under them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 168

You deserved it 10 722

24/07/2010 17:47 - Taiwan

Today, while I was driving my 27 year old boyfriend 8 hours to a Pokémon event, he realized he didn't bring his DS with him. He cried about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 166

You deserved it 20 920

06/08/2009 13:14 - Australia

Today, I found a wallet on the train. I called the owner, who said he would come around and pick it up. When he finally did, he looked inside and screamed that his money was missing, and that I was a dirty thief. I never took a cent. He's filing theft charges against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 298

You deserved it 4 417

12/06/2012 10:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, it was my first time meeting my fiancé's parents. My future mother-in-law had cooked steak, hearing it was my favourite food. I somehow managed to bite my tongue, and then blurt out "F*ck!" just after she asked me how it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 213

You deserved it 8 335

29/09/2018 14:00

Today, I met my daughter's first serious boyfriend, only she forgot to mention he has hypermobility. All I did was shaking his hand normally, but it still dislocated three of his knuckles. My daughter made me call his mother to explain what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 564

You deserved it 255

17/05/2009 12:05 - Korea Republic of

Today, the guy I liked came over for dinner with some friends. One of them asked him if we were dating, he became so distraught he started to choke on the food I had made, in his haste to tell them that in no uncertain terms, were we together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 410

You deserved it 4 145

22/03/2017 18:00

Today, and every day since I got her, I leaned down to pour food and water into my cat's bowls. And today, like every single day, I forgot that my granite countertop sticks out a bit. I think part of my head is flat now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 056

You deserved it 3 639

Cling Alert

By miabun - 14/02/2017 06:02 - United States - Breinigsville

Today, my boyfriend has helicopter parents. He offered to take me out on a date for Valentine's Day, but there's one condition: his mother has to be there the whole time. He's 17 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 778

You deserved it 879

14/04/2012 11:10 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, my parents invited my Muslim boyfriend over for dinner for the first time. My mother made sure that everything including the salad had pork in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 454

You deserved it 7 451

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 16:25

The pillow's better. It won't snore, drool, hump your leg at 3 a.m., or hog the covers. Merry Christmas, OP, and look on the bright side!

AbstraktThoughts 13

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 16:25

You're not alone! You have the FML community :) *hug* Merry Christmas and brighten up!

Comments

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 16:25

The pillow's better. It won't snore, drool, hump your leg at 3 a.m., or hog the covers. Merry Christmas, OP, and look on the bright side!

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 16:41

If you want to tell yourself that....

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 16:55

Well, Noor, at least the pillow won't gripe about it!

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 17:05

It also won't come in his hand, shove it in op's face and shout SHAZAM!

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 17:13

Are you implying her ex-boyfriend was literally a dog?

quirkyotakugirl4 6

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 20:26

anime characters are better anyway. they r hotter and the pillow can't complain

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 22:29

44, my ex was a real son of a bitch! He honestly did hump my leg in the middle of the night sometimes.

You_Screwed_Up 7

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Thursday 26 December 2013 13:04

Don't have to feed it either!

AbstraktThoughts 13

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 16:25

You're not alone! You have the FML community :) *hug* Merry Christmas and brighten up!

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 17:24

Merry Christmas to OP and to the FML staff as well :)

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 18:53

Can't have Christmas without thanking your favorite online community.

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Saturday 28 December 2013 19:30

Im a little jelly of OP

Topasofmagic 17

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Sunday 29 December 2013 3:02

:)Dear Didi, I'm curious. What do you actually do on the FML Team? Do you read the comments/FML's to check if they're appropriate or what? :/ I know these questions is put in a way that seems rude, but I am to tired to find a better wording for them... "-_-

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 16:25

I'm in the same boat with you. Ex broke up with me on Christmas eve too. Go be with family and friends. It helps. Merry Christmas though! It will get better.

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 18:43

aww I'm sorry for you

abhi95 31

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 19:42

That's terrible! You hate him... With a passion! Unless of course you made some huge blunder which forced the break up

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Thursday 26 December 2013 4:39

73 - I do not hate him. I am hurt but it is life.

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 16:25

What anime character?

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 16:27

These are the important questions! I need to know now!

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 16:30

I have no idea why I want to know so badly or why it was my first thought. What is wrong with me?!

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 17:09

10 - I want to know, too!! I have one of Mami Tomoe... I don't do anything dirty with it, but it's nice to sleep and cuddle with~

moimoimoi125_fml 11

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 18:52

Does she still have her head ?

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 19:04

58 - I think I got a Mami from a different timeline, because she does.

moimoimoi125_fml 11

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 19:06

Well that wood be kinda creepy otherwise

\ 28

Wednesday 25 December 2013 23:07

Fuck that shit! TENCHI MUYO!

Freethaawave 19

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Thursday 26 December 2013 5:02

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Waredo_Dyrge 11

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Thursday 26 December 2013 7:37

#105: You're a special kind of stupid, aren't you?

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Thursday 26 December 2013 19:29

If I were to guess based on anime I assume to be trending atm, I'd have to guess Sebastian from Black Butler.

Mynameislinh 24

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Thursday 26 December 2013 21:29

#110: I'd consider an otaku to be more on the English 'geek' side, than a 'nerd'.

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Friday 27 December 2013 22:03

#122 or Levi Rivaille from SNK

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Monday 31 March 2014 4:50

Otaku is a kind of person, look it up. I'm otaku as well

over9000skittles 15

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Monday 19 May 2014 5:27

Perhaps one of the boys from Free!. Or L Lawliet or Mello or Matt from Death Note.

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Sunday 13 July 2014 15:48

Dude if it was Sebastian...Well it wouldn't be an FML then. He's one hell of a body pillow

sterling1113 15

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 16:25

Atleast the body pillow is reliable and comfy. :) Don't let the holiday season getcha down, OP. :D

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 16:26

Christmas is just another day of the year, you'll be fine :)

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 16:26

Hey! Anime is great, being the anime addict that I am, I don't see anything wrong with that. You could have what otaku's call "waifu." Anyways hope you have a happy Christmas. There are more fish in the sea ( I think that's how it goes)

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 16:39

Well considering that OP is female it's more likely than not a Hasubando, but other than that I agree 100%.

warriorkitty_ 10

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 17:21

Hey, at least OP ain't as bad as the guy who legally married his body pillow wife and went for a honeymoon with it! (saw it in the news online) Forever alone level: unbeatable

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 19:26

Holy crap that actually happened? That is so amazingly funny. XD

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Thursday 26 December 2013 19:31

#46 A man in Japan legally married a character in a 3DS dating simulator game.

ahippienamedrae 10

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 16:28

I'm sorry, but I laughed really hard at this. but it's okay, at least it won't fart in the middle of the night.

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 16:57

I forgot about the noxious emissions in the middle of the night. Seriously, why is OP upset over this?

cryssycakesx3 22

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 20:35

because not all men are like that. I got a good cuddly boyfriend and wonderful being able to wake up with him every day

leonchen7498 12

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Thursday 26 December 2013 12:45

he must be holding in his farts

worldclassrager 39

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 16:30

Do you still have that boyfriend?

warriorkitty_ 10

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 16:32

Yeap he changed into a body pillow of an Anime guy.:D What do you think?

worldclassrager 39

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 17:26

Sounds good to me...

EverestMelting 23

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Wednesday 25 December 2013 16:35

Something special for everyone

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 43

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 109