Kids: Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger...

By Bailey - 05/04/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 471

You deserved it 6 724

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Same thing different taste

By ManchotDesAndes - 26/02/2015 07:35 - France - Bezons

Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 303

You deserved it 11 166

By bodhimae - 03/05/2009 07:15 - France

Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 096

You deserved it 2 376

By lovedbyallthewrongppl - 28/11/2010 01:03 - United States

Today, I was teaching my two year old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 144

You deserved it 13 633

By suppressinggags - 18/03/2016 19:45 - United States - Kennett

Today, I found out that my stepsister loves sticking random household objects in her ear in an attempt to collect ear wax. I found out when I walked in on her trying to pick all the wax out of the bristles of my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 531

You deserved it 1 243

By Username - 17/03/2011 04:04

Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 873

You deserved it 5 243

Highly inappropriate

By Anonymous - 27/05/2013 22:15 - United States - Lehi

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 050

You deserved it 3 752

By FoodyFood - 19/03/2012 04:59 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 063

You deserved it 14 731

By shh - 09/10/2015 07:06 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 573

You deserved it 2 779

Tasty snack ideas

By Stellarum - 18/08/2014 15:13 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I listened to a little girl explain how her scabs taste great with lemon juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 632

You deserved it 4 228

By screwedwoman27 - 19/06/2011 18:03 - United States

Today, I told my five year old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 033

You deserved it 7 526

enonymous 8

Tuesday 5 April 2011 12:11

You're lucky she didn't charge you for that meal. sautéed baby earwax is usually served with a hot caramelized snot ball and a side of full half baked diaper.

denvan 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 12:06

Get those earwax cooking lessons started

Comments

denvan 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 12:06

Get those earwax cooking lessons started

khaya 9

Tuesday 5 April 2011 12:22

It is a subtle hint, meaning your food taste like shit.

neo9421 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 13:19

obviously..

just_lol 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 14:47

No, it means that you can't understand sarcasm, which means that you must have a shitty humour...

dre_bro11 12

Tuesday 5 April 2011 14:51

Einstein, I find it rude that you should stick your tongue out at me.

just_lol 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 14:54

damn, where is that edit button?? Sorry, I thought you were talking to #1

ballwiz23 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 18:51

this isn't fml worthy

just_lol 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 19:56

Well it's not personnal, I've discovered that it is the only universal langage....

ballwiz23 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 22:51

not sure why my comment got moded. I just said this isn't really fml worthy. it's really not that bad

atthegates 0

Wednesday 6 April 2011 5:00

0/2 wiz....not doin too good are we champ

ballwiz24 0

Wednesday 6 April 2011 5:45

Still not fml worthy

Angi95 3

Sunday 26 June 2011 3:02

well it's not really that big of a secret if they've eaten dinner.

T9FTW 20

Thursday 8 November 2012 4:45

LOL, Wizards fail... again.

TomFeltonFan 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 12:09

mmmm, sounds like some delicious earwax.

enonymous 8

Tuesday 5 April 2011 12:11

You're lucky she didn't charge you for that meal. sautéed baby earwax is usually served with a hot caramelized snot ball and a side of full half baked diaper.