Intimacy: Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor....

By acincollege - 21/02/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 488

You deserved it 53 035

Back to school: Courses and confusion
When the campus comes back to life, anecdotes abound between the lecture halls and student parties! More…

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Same thing different taste

By TomPom - 25/11/2008 06:54 - France

Today, in one of the corridors at university, I was pretending to have passionate sex with one of my lecturers to make my mates laugh. She happened to walk by just at that moment. She reminded me when my next exam is; she will be marking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 310

You deserved it 37 580

By ToothHurtyAM - 18/10/2018 05:00

Today, the principal of my school asked me if I had practice. Knowing he's gullible, I said yes. I came home to find him and my mom having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 275

You deserved it 878

Zaps you dead

By FirstWeekFail - 04/09/2018 18:30

Today, I was bitching to my mom on the phone about the long, boring paper assignment my Lit professor gave us. Right after saying, "That woman needs to get laid" I heard laughter behind me. I turned around. Hello professor, just on my way to drop the course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 3 220

Keep it down!

By LonelyStudent - 02/09/2019 19:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, while at a grocery store, I told my mom I had some good news. She exclaimed, "You finally got a boyfriend?!" No mom, just an A on my math test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 629

You deserved it 166

By Acu7519 - 16/04/2018 15:00

Today, at my job as a 2nd grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 198

You deserved it 849

By lalararara - 04/03/2010 15:48 - United States

Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 992

You deserved it 6 781

Sex work is work

By Anonymous - 15/11/2023 04:00

Today, I was joking to mom that at the rate I’m going I’ll have to start an OnlyFans to afford college next year. She shrugged like it was nothing because apparently prostitution got her through college and bought her her first house before she accidentally got pregnant with me. Um, WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 255

By Anonymous - 24/12/2018 12:00

Today, my Mom found out that I've been intimate with one of my best friends in the past. We used protection, it never went anywhere, and we ended it amicably, but she still gave me a huge lecture. Later, she high-fived and congratulated him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 695

You deserved it 493

By Nails - 22/02/2009 03:16 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 117

You deserved it 7 239

Excuses

By sucks - 12/03/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 295 521

You deserved it 54 136

mariasaur 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 14:23

I have a feeling she was responding with a joke.

bumverb 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 13:18

sorry, that's hilarious

Comments

bumverb 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 13:18

sorry, that's hilarious

mariasaur 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 14:23

I have a feeling she was responding with a joke.

imthedude 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 14:32

I would guess she thinks you are a ****.

jonathanbirriel 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 17:29

Your mom is totally awesome.

cheerbabe3254 4

Saturday 4 February 2012 21:10

Ikr!!!! Best mother ever award goes to OPs mother!!!

Spinach 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 17:50

I see no reason why this is an FML.

tzar06 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 20:10

I love it! Whatever gets you through the class...

xolotl 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 20:15

totally sounds like a joke. no big deal.

Cloudy_fml 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 20:54

Sounds like something my mother would say. She was more than likely joking.

beautifiers 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 21:27

How is this a FML? It's not even serious.

Link5794 18

Monday 5 November 2012 21:50

This is definitely not an FML. It's just hilarious conversation.

blah_blah_shity 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 23:26

LOL you're mom rocks.

Keywords

Anger issues Kids Mental health Annoying Parents Dad jokes Intimacy Cops Sex Love Sports Proposal Awkward Management Work Bosses Cute Miscellaneous Embarrassing Relatable Family Facebook Halloween Animals Dogs Poopoo peepee Neighbours Health Weird Alcohol

The Top

Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 056

You deserved it 9 899

Today, my crush, who has turned me down in the past, actually gave me the “Why can’t I find a decent guy like you?” speech. That’s it, I’m officially THAT guy, I’m just that pathetic. I’d happily never see her again after this, except we live on the same street and work in the same building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 146

The Top

Today, my roommate told me that unscented deodorant prevents ingrown hairs on the bikini line. She shared this beauty tip with me when I caught her using my Lady Speed Stick on her snatch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 607

You deserved it 3 043

Today, I arranged a date with a girl online I really get along with, because frankly we both have a filthy sense of humour and love sexting. At the date, it turns out she’s deaf, which is not a problem, but she brought her sister as an interpreter. Without our usual conversation, it was just painfully awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 140

Today, just a day prior to my vacation starting, I learned that my five-day "seasonal fever" is actually due to a blood infection from a bacteria. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 767

You deserved it 117

Today, I woke up again to a warm trickling sensation on my neck. It would seem my rabbit has a thing for doing his business on me to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 186

You deserved it 7 595

Today, as a bartender was carding my friends, I excitedly asked if he was going to card me. The guy gave me a blank stare before finally replying, "Look, lady, I don't have time to stroke some middle-aged woman's ego." I asked because it was my birthday. I just turned twenty-one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 376

You deserved it 7 169

Today, I went to a tattoo artist to get what I thought would be really cute, elegant finger tattoos. I left with wobbly, blobby messes all over my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 2 735