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By drunkluv - 12/04/2011 02:58 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 072

You deserved it 4 192

Read the room

By Anonymous - 11/10/2022 22:00

Today, I was teaching and a boy sitting in front kept laughing and smiling, even after I asked him to cut it out. I got so annoyed that I jokingly said I'd knock his teeth out, and asked him to leave the class. The kid went to the principal and told him I intended to hurt him. I'm a college professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 1 538

My king (is a dick)

By Anonyme - 11/08/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, my husband is so strict that even on the rare occasion I get to leave the house alone, I’m not allowed to speak to men in any capacity. I can’t even go through a line with a male cashier or male bank teller and I have pay at the pump in case a guy is working at the gas station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 307

No fun

By Nofun - 29/08/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, I was helping my mom pack for our family vacation. We were both talking about how excited we were, when she turned to me and said, "Would you be offended if I asked you not to come? It's just… I want to have fun." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 112

You deserved it 5 580

Besties

By Anonymous - 21/07/2021 08:01 - South Africa - Nottingham Road

Today, my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend just moved in with his mom. They've been in my face knitting and baking bread together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 103

I don't dare look

By TerribleAim - 12/10/2022 00:01

Today, I was trying to scare a squirrel away from my bird feeder. It was on my privacy fence, so I picked up a rock just to throw at the fence to startle it. I hit the squirrel in the head and he fell off on the other side. I don't know if he's okay or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 1 127

Why indeed

By Anonymous - 11/02/2024 09:00 - United States - Davison

Today, I went through my boyfriend’s phone. He'd told his brothers, mom, and mutual friends that I was at a psych ward, after I went crazy. We have been back together for four months now after that situation, so no wonder I got the vibe they hate me. Why lie about something so stupid? FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 243

Do my eyes deceive me?

By Anonymous - 14/08/2025 12:00 - Australia

Today, I received the ticket for my upcoming flight. The booking reference code is “CR4SH”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 84

Can't be late!

By courtneynaked - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Arab Emirates

Today, my jeans got caught in the airport escalators. Seeing as how we couldn't get them unstuck, my mother made me take them off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 639

You deserved it 3 349

By allennn - 14/03/2010 14:56 - France

Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 934

You deserved it 38 581

Mud butt

By Anonymous - 15/02/2024 15:00 - Canada - Sherkston

Today, while driving the 45 minutes to work, I let out some gas, only to arrive at work and realize I'd sharted. I couldn’t tell because my seat heater was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 510

Romance is dead

By Anonymous - 15/02/2024 09:00 - United States - Ontario

Today, my boyfriend still doesn't "believe" in Valentine's Day. Every year I feel stupid for caring about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 592

By Jodie - 03/02/2012 12:48 - Australia

Today, I had to change my mobile number because I was getting abuse from a guy, so I sent my new number to all of the people on my contact list. Including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 914

You deserved it 50 296

By Anonymous - 05/04/2011 16:48 - United States

Today, my 3 year old daughter decided to put black nail polish over the webcam lens on my laptop because "It wasn't all black, so I decided to fix it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 931

You deserved it 6 022

Seems unlikely

By Anonymous - 31/07/2021 04:01 - United States - Brookville

Today, I teasingly asked my crush why he never came to visit me in my dorm. He said that all his friends there had moved out and gotten apartments, so he had no reason to go to my dorm. Oh. I thought we were friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 182

Dahmer in the making

By Anonymous - 19/10/2022 14:00

Today, my son asked me, "If it’s so easy to tear meats like raw chicken breast and beef steak apart with your hands, doesn’t that mean it’s just as easy to tear human flesh apart, even if they’re still alive?" This right here is why I send him to therapy twice a week, but it’s not working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 162

Been there, can't do that

By Anonymous - 20/02/2024 22:00 - United Arab Emirates - Sharjah

Today, I feel like I made the worst choice of my life and I have to pay the consequences, and I seriously feel like shit. I need help. Moving abroad to study at 30 was the worst mistake and I hate my life here. I want to go back but I lost everything back home and I don't have anything here. I'm stuck; I just want to be happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 231

Cynophobia

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 04:01

Today, my new boyfriend is so scared of dogs that he won’t even go in the room where my new puppy's bed is, so even on the days when he’s at home not working, I still have to pay the lad next door to come round and let it into the garden for a pee, because he’s too scared to open the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 924

Panic!

By Only an orange cat... - 22/02/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I found out two things about my new cat: One, he is afraid of thunder. Two, his reaction to hearing a loud thunderclap is to jump very high in the air with his claws extended, then run like hell. I discovered this when he jumped and landed right on my face. My face now looks like I smashed it into a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 122

By Anonymous - 03/04/2011 09:35 - Australia

Today, I was in the shower 'grooming' myself for my second anniversary with my boyfriend. Halfway through the hot water ran out. I now have the choice of going with the low 'half-fro' or risking hypothermia. My boyfriend thinks hypothermia would be the better option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 596

You deserved it 28 458

Hammerhead

By I tried - 23/10/2022 14:00 - United States

Today, I had to listen to my classmate loudly argue a question she got wrong on a test for half an hour, repeating the same incorrect argument ad nauseam. She screamed at the rightfully exasperated teacher for being "biased" when he gave up, and started screaming again when I tried to explain it in a different way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 132

By Anonymous - 28/01/2012 21:52 - United States

Today, I changed my relationship status on Facebook from "in a relationship" to "single." I forgot to take my phone to work, and when I got back, I saw someone had replied, "What happened?" Someone else commented, "He broke his hand." My ex and a bunch of other "friends" liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 778

You deserved it 4 937

By Anonymous - 22/12/2013 19:10 - Israel

Today, I asked my lazy daughter to go make her bed. She responded by lighting our garbage bin on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 611

You deserved it 10 204

By burntloyalty - 26/03/2011 20:54 - United States

Today, I had such a violent coughing fit that my stomach emptied itself all over the floor while at my sales job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 231

You deserved it 3 231

By Noname - 11/02/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I got on Facebook and realized the only two friend requests I've had in 2 months are both from my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 364

You deserved it 5 505

By radicaloser - 25/03/2011 08:50 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I like. All of a sudden, he pulls out a small vial of his blood to give to me, proving his undying love. Curious, I asked where he had gotten the blood. His answer? A razor blade. In his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 447

You deserved it 5 578

By ShadowReaper101 - 29/12/2012 07:41 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, I was walking in the park, when a kid ran up and hit me in the stomach. He said, "Don't get mad, get glad!" and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 125

You deserved it 3 974

ShadowReaper101 tells us more.

ShadowReaper101 14

Monday 31 December 2012 21:07

Hi, OP here. First, I can't just hit a kid, even if he punched me. And second, his Dad wasn't in sight. So I couldn't have really done anything.

Almost there

By Anonymous - 22/04/2020 14:03

Today, I discovered that my contract start date is exactly 2 days outside of the furlough date. Meaning instead of taking 80% of my salary, I'm only getting 40% (thanks to the company). This would be fine if I hadn't just moved countries to get this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 194

By olivia_stealth - 08/02/2009 23:50 - United States

Today, I changed the C on my report card into a B so that I wouldn't get in trouble with my parents. I spent the entire day perfecting the B's positioning and cut exactly around the edges of the size 10 font and sliced my finger in the process. Turns out, I'm still grounded for getting a B. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 377

You deserved it 40 372

olivia_stealth_fml tells us more.

olivia_stealth_fml 0

Thursday 19 February 2009 3:17

thanks for all your imput. for the record i am in GT and AP classes and my parents expect at least a 3.75 GPA ususally. i am still currently grounded, and won't be ungrounded until i recieve a 4.0 on my report card. WHICH is technically a 5.0 with AP credit. so do not criticize my "ambition or self respect", vm2012, because I guarentee I have a better transcript than you. kthanks to everyone else for your comments! <333

Bitter

By jon - 12/03/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend, who disliked the music I listened to and made, is now dating some womanizing party promoter who promotes music of the same genre of music I make. Now she’s all about it, including rocking the image. Who knew ghosting cheaters wanted everything about you, except for you… FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 143

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Today, my attention-seeking, insanely thick co-worker explained that due to her new diet she can't eat bread. She "can eat pizza" though. When we pointed out that they’re pretty much made of the same ingredients, she wouldn’t believe us. I sit right behind this idiot every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 337

You deserved it 2 772

Today, my dog tore up a single book from the dozens within his reach. That book was titled "How to Train Your Dog". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 074

You deserved it 5 720

Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 852

You deserved it 9 837

Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 850

You deserved it 12 105

Today, I found out that a few years ago, when I lost my kids to my ex-wife, it was because my current wife secretly hated having to be their stepmom, so she conspired with my ex to ruin the custody hearing in my ex's favour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 954

You deserved it 198

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me. His excuse was that I never had time for his needs anymore. He’s unemployed but I guess me working and studying to get my degree so we could move out of his parents’ house was too much. Now I have no place to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 113