Transportation: Today, two really hot guys pulled up in a car next to mine. They...

By flattire - 30/03/2009 01:14 - Canada

Today, two really hot guys pulled up in a car next to mine. They were waving at me and pointing down, I figured they were being pigs so I flipped them off. Turns out they were trying to warn me of the flat tire I had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 407

You deserved it 84 061

Transportation

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Mother of the year

Backstabbing

By JWhite - 24/11/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and thought it would be a great idea to clean up the yard by dumping gasoline all over the leaves and lighting our entire front yard on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 051

You deserved it 2 649

By wetqueefa - 03/02/2013 09:58 - United States - Union City

Today, I walked in on my mom drenched in tears, barely able to speak. I ran to get her some tissues and a nice cup of tea to calm her down. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, I asked her if she wanted to talk about what happened. She watched an episode of Gossip Girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 788

You deserved it 3 162

By Noname - 05/03/2009 19:44 - Canada

Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536 064

You deserved it 52 941

Help!

By technicallywroteabook - 21/08/2015 05:15 - United States - Grapevine

Today, I turned in an essay about a book I'd read over the summer. My teacher later called me to her desk and began to gush about how interesting the book sounded and asked to borrow my copy. The book I wrote about is not real, and the main characters are named after my childhood pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 013

You deserved it 17 261

By Anonymous - 17/08/2009 08:21 - United States

Today, I went into my Moms room to look for a t-shirt. I went into her drawer and behind all of her clothes was a cell phone. Not only did I not find the t-shirt, I also found out my Mom is cheating on my Dad with someone from work and now I have to pretend like I don't know. I work there too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 857

You deserved it 5 544

By Anonymous - 05/05/2014 21:03 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 122

You deserved it 18 310

By my_only_friend - 03/06/2013 04:45 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was invited to a party. Since I rarely get invited to any, I was super pumped. Both my parents work late, so I texted a couple of people to see if I could catch a ride. It turned out everyone's cars were full. I ended up missing one of the only parties I've ever been invited to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 613

You deserved it 7 256

By Traveler - 09/10/2015 02:06

Today, I learned that your crotch can just light up on the body scanner in the airport for no apparent reason; and when that happens, a thorough pat down of that area will be performed by a confused security officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 012

You deserved it 1 625

By duderboi99 - 25/05/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I was writing a huge paper for a class as our last grade. My dog starts scratching himself. He hit the power button on the computer. Nothing was saved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 198

You deserved it 40 087

Backwards ass logic

By Anonymous - 29/08/2019 06:00 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, my boyfriend told me that it's "disgusting" to wash your "rear end" and that he has never, and will never, do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 206

By sex deprived - 16/06/2013 05:10 - United States

Today, I got more pleasure from scratching a bug bite than I've gotten from my boyfriend in 2 whole years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 119

You deserved it 11 606

By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 19:10 - Ireland

Today, I got hit in the mouth with a hockey stick and lost four teeth. Yesterday I got my braces of six years removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 808

You deserved it 5 602

By Madeline Lee - 09/04/2012 21:34 - France - Pessac

Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 544

You deserved it 2 990

By leela - 25/05/2013 22:13 - United States

Today, a group of guys came into my restaurant, dressed up in some kind of role-playing game clothing. Apparently I pronounced one of their fake elf names wrong, because the guy complained to my manager, who then bitched me out in front of everyone for upsetting the customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 558

You deserved it 4 833

By xX-SaD-FaCe-Xx - 24/11/2009 10:04 - Singapore

Today, the woman I love told me she cared about me and didn't like me hurting myself. She then posted a picture of herself making-out with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 832

You deserved it 5 781

By ryan and Zack - 25/02/2010 22:30 - United States

Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Fearing that something had happened, I violently broke down the door to find my grandma and her new 80 year old boyfriend having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 162

You deserved it 7 895

By Cottagecheeseha - 20/08/2012 04:03 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, I pulled out a book and my bookmark fell out. My crush picked it up and a weird look came across his face. I then realized I had used toilet paper. Now I'm the girl who reads while taking dumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 596

You deserved it 6 746

By Starving Ultimatum - 02/09/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 862

You deserved it 3 115

By Mark - 27/03/2017 09:00 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I asked out a coworker I really like. She gave me a weird look and said, "You're not gay?" I said no, to which she said, "Well, I am". As it turns out, I was the only one who thought she was straight, and the only one who thought I was straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 689

You deserved it 340

By screwed - 30/10/2009 21:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called and asked me why I love him. I told him because he's always there for me and continues to put up with my bipolar disorder. He promptly said "not anymore" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 954

You deserved it 5 417

By UnluckyGroom - 09/06/2012 23:04 - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, after a long night of partying, I fell asleep, while my bride was delivering her vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 120

You deserved it 59 514

By vadoodoo22 - 15/01/2010 05:02 - France

Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend and I asked her to give me her phone to make a call since mine was dead. A text came in from someone and the name sounded familiar. My bestfriend has been dating my girlfriend longer than I have, and she gave him head. I kissed her earlier that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 860

You deserved it 3 226

By blargh - 03/10/2013 17:39 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, at work, I was taking a woman's measurements while she held her screaming baby. To silence the infant, she whipped out her breast right there and started feeding him. Moments later, he puked breast milk all over my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 991

You deserved it 4 026

By dunicha - 17/11/2011 00:37 - United States

Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 355

You deserved it 38 243

By Brandon Butler - 04/03/2011 09:22

Today, I was riding my motorcycle on the highway and wearing all of my gear - boots, gloves, jacket, and full-face helmet. Somehow a bee found the only spot not covered on my body and stung my neck. I'm allergic to bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 559

You deserved it 2 984

By DomesticPatrol - 07/01/2017 02:07 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I just patrolled my entire house with a fucking hammer and flashlight because my cat stepped on a fucking creaky floorboard. It's 2 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 601

You deserved it 1 746

By Anonymous - 10/06/2019 02:30

Today, after 2 years of paying off the insurance fees after an accident, I got rear-ended. It was the same driver who crashed into me the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 393

You deserved it 122

By Anonymous - 03/02/2016 15:06 - United States - Ventura

Today, after a badly misjudged hand signal, I accidentally hit my boss in the face instead of high-fiving her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 174

You deserved it 3 137

By Anonymous - 22/03/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, I went to withdraw 200 dollars. At the ATM, I noticed a suspicious man standing really close to me. I was nervous about entering my pin number, and worrying he was looking at my account information. In my panic, I got all the way home before realizing that I left the cash in the machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 547

You deserved it 83 247

By Kerrilyn - 17/05/2009 14:39 - United States

Today, I was waiting in the car while my mom went into a store to get beer. A few minutes later, some guy was knocking on my window telling me to open the door. I started cursing him out, thinking I was getting attacked. Turns out he worked there and was putting the beer in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 974

You deserved it 54 856

By teejayrn - 18/12/2012 10:03

Today, I saw my daughter dusting her furniture with the white handkerchief I gave her as a wedding present. It's been in our family for 4 generations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 903

You deserved it 5 728

Smooth talker

By pixie - 17/02/2009 08:10 - United States

Today, I had sex for the first time with a guy. After he passionately made love to me, I turned to him and said, "You smell really good." He turned to me and said, "You don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 720

You deserved it 13 721

By Kanata - 31/08/2019 02:05

Today, my phone cut out during a call for a job interview. I tried calling them back, but there was no answer. Later, I got an email from the interviewer, saying I was no longer being considered for the position due to my being "rude and unprofessional." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

You deserved it 139

By skreweduP - 15/06/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I went on a date with this guy and he was on his phone the whole night. When I got home I checked his facebook since he barely paid attention to me. His status was, "So-and-so is taking out the trash" from mobile posted an hour ago. I got home from my date 30 mins ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 200

You deserved it 3 767

Isn't that illegal?

By Ryan Engle - 29/07/2021 02:01

Today, my neighbor, who has 4 video cameras pointed at the front of my house, got a drone that’s now hovering over my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 55

By Anonymous - 29/06/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 786

You deserved it 7 341

By Anonymous - 04/10/2018 15:30

Today, my 6'8" Russian friend picked me up, a 5'0" petite girl. This would be fine if he hadn't been startled by a moth and dropped me down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 038

You deserved it 219

By DaggerHole - 06/03/2014 14:54 - Australia

Today, I learned the worst part about being dared to shave your ass hair: Stubble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 059

You deserved it 16 427

By Vero - 17/05/2012 15:02 - Austria - Timelkam

Today, in an attempt to be romantic, my boyfriend threw little stones against my window. Unfortunately, the window wasn't closed, and I was standing in front of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 279

You deserved it 3 509

By Sara1990 - 23/08/2010 11:40 - Australia

Today, I went on a double date with my bestfriend. At the end of the night, her boyfriend gave her a long kiss, and texted her 5 minutes after we left to say he missed her already. My boyfriend picked his nose, then gave me a fist bump as a goodbye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 134

You deserved it 6 953

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Top comments

Templemind47 0

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Monday 30 March 2009 9:55

Not everyone are pigs. Lesson learned.

McLaughlane 0

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Monday 30 March 2009 10:10

Uh...yeah, YDI. :/ Don't always assume the worst, the cliche "makes an ass of u and me" exists for a reason.

f__kY_urLif__ 0

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Monday 30 March 2009 9:50

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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agentibe 0

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Thursday 11 March 2010 6:43

Maybe you shouldn't be such a stuck up bitch?

amen14 0

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Monday 22 March 2010 23:27

maybe you should chill.

amen14 0

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Wednesday 14 April 2010 6:56

yeah i hate bitches but im hot so ican be one (:

Zx_MaSsAcRe_xZ 13

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Monday 24 November 2014 20:32

@86, Your probably a physically appealing person, but according to your comment your a stuck up fucking cunt. No, beauty doesn't give you the right to be a bitch. Nothing gives you the right to be a bitch.

Templemind47 0

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Monday 30 March 2009 9:55

Not everyone are pigs. Lesson learned.

schrodingersdog 4

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Sunday 6 November 2011 2:39

Unfortunately there are pigs. I've had guys hold balls in a sack outside their car window and shout at me to look at their balls. I've had guys whistle at me and say, "damn girl." It can be kind of scary.

MrPlopper 9

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Saturday 17 November 2012 4:26

*is a

Zx_MaSsAcRe_xZ 13

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Monday 24 November 2014 20:30

@99, although I appreciate your name, your comment makes me want to shit in your fucking cereal, because you are an overdramatic ass.

KPACOTKA 0

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Monday 30 March 2009 10:08

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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lpaul49 0

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Monday 30 March 2009 10:09

This is what you get for being a cunt.

McLaughlane 0

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Monday 30 March 2009 10:10

Uh...yeah, YDI. :/ Don't always assume the worst, the cliche "makes an ass of u and me" exists for a reason.

JD134 24

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Monday 29 June 2015 3:01

In this case she's just making an ass out of herself.

lololol_fml 0

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Monday 30 March 2009 10:14

YDI

lpaul49 0

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Monday 30 March 2009 10:17

Honestly, if one more person mentions the fucking 'assume' cliche I'm going to flip a shit. It happens to people because they're morons and don't fucking think shit through. Enough said.

ThatFunnyDude 3

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Saturday 6 August 2011 15:50

flip a shit?

Scarshadow101 6

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Saturday 20 October 2012 19:50

You seem very passionate about what you're saying. Whether you're right or not, I'm sure there's a less profane way of stating what you feel.

genius_man16 0

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Monday 30 March 2009 10:18

wouldn't you be able to feel your tire going flat? I mean, it's pretty easy to feel when a tire is going down... unless i'm just a freak of nature or something... >.>