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Treat yourself

By Terri - 08/11/2024 22:00 - Australia

Today, in order to have a nice relaxing bubble bath, I lit candles, played soothing music, and poured myself a glass of wine. Just as I was about to get in, I slipped on a patch of wet floor, dumped the wine on myself, and fell backward into the tub… that didn't have any water in it. Now I’m soaked in wine and bruised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 146

By theuglyfriend - 17/07/2012 06:09 - United States - Riverbank

Today, I went to a coffee shop with my friend. The guy rang her up and said it was only a dollar as he winked at her $10 purchase. Then he rang me up at completely full price. She got his number and I got to be the ugly friend once again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 808

You deserved it 3 796

Nope

By frenchpie - 17/05/2009 12:05 - Korea Republic of

Today, the guy I liked came over for dinner with some friends. One of them asked him if we were dating, he became so distraught he started to choke on the food I had made, in his haste to tell them that in no uncertain terms, were we together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 531

You deserved it 4 180

By uglyguy252 - 16/05/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, in class the guy next to me was talking to a girl across the room using gestures to help get across his message. Apparently, pointing at me is the best way to say "ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 472

You deserved it 3 645

Bad start

By Shamu - 20/04/2022 00:00

Today, after 4 years of being single, I decided to go back to the dating scene. I downloaded Tinder. My matches run for the hills as soon as I show them a full body pic of myself. One guy even told me to delete the app from my phone, because if “guys wanted to go whaling, they’d go out to sea.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 413

Thin spread

By Capitalism - 15/06/2023 06:00

Today, it's a long weekend and our restaurant is severely understaffed, with a record number of customers and 6 staff doing the work of the 10 who would usually be there. Other restaurants would have 14 staff on with those numbers. There is no chance in hell that will be reflected in our wages, however. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 124

Wandering soul

By Anonymous - 13/11/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I went on a scenic hike to clear my head and ended up lost for two hours. When I finally found my way back, I noticed the trail signs had big, bright arrows. How did I miss those? FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 402

By journeytotheend - 14/07/2012 06:55 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I went to city hall to pay for a parking ticket. After returning to my truck, I found a parking ticket on my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 249

You deserved it 28 100

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 10:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I was accused of shop-lifting by an old lady in a supermarket. Having proven myself innocent, I tried to storm off to show my displeasure at the situation. In my haste to make a dramatic exit, I tried to go out of the entrance and walked straight into the automatic door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 933

You deserved it 13 451

By James - 26/08/2011 18:29 - Canada

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom, because apparently I'm an idiot for not sharing her belief that chickens are mammals. She has a university degree in this stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 656

You deserved it 3 715

Memento

By Anonymous - 20/06/2023 03:00

Today, my quite squeamish girlfriend came with me to get my latest tattoo. She saw a few drops of blood, screamed in the tattooist's ear, and completely fucked up part of the outline. She had to alter the tattoo drastically to cover up the mess and now it just looks bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 543

No words

By Jaccqui - 20/11/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I got a call from a lady who said my husband died in a car accident in Miami. My husband is supposed to be at a business trip in North Carolina, so I told her it must be a mistake. Turns out it was all true. He lied about a business trip and went to Miami with his lover, who was the woman who had called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 86

Empty nest

By AllieG33 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Albuquerque

Today, after returning from taking my sister off to college, my parents told me that our house would be a lot quieter with my sister gone. Not because she's loud, but because she has friends and I apparently don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 017

You deserved it 3 816

What's the point?

By Anonymous - 15/01/2021 19:58

Today, my university required us to set learning goals for each semester and then evaluate them later. And no, the answer, "I want to learn whatever they teach me in the classes I’m taking" isn't permitted. Neither is picking your own classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 176

Double trouble

By Trinity - 03/05/2022 00:01

Today, not only did I shit myself on my way to work, I left my house keys in the bathroom after I cleaned up. It's $90 to replace them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 177

Avoidance

By Anonymous - 25/06/2023 00:02

Today, we got back from vacation. In the lead up to our vacation, my girlfriend talked excitedly about all the sex we could have. When we got to the hotel, I heard, "I can't be comfortable, what if they hear us in the hall?" After we got home, first thing was, "I want to deep clean the bedroom, sex can wait." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 297

Controlling

By Anonymous - 21/11/2024 03:00 - United States - Holden

Today, I was finishing a conversation with my husband. His phone rang, but he didn't take it. He said, "No, the guy said he was going to call me at 11:30 and it's 11:36. I'll call him in 3 minutes." It was then I realized that I have been the subject of this type of petty control for over 30 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 129

I'm not that old!

By Anonymous - 26/01/2021 02:01

Today, I was showing my hair-do from my high school prom from 10 years ago to a drunk neighbor. He turned to my mom and said, "Wow, she was a beautiful girl back in the day." Right in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 196

By Anonymous - 01/09/2014 14:08 - United States

Today, I wrecked my car because my mom texted me, telling me not to text and drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 635

You deserved it 45 045

Carpool karaoke

By Anonymous - 27/11/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, I was singing loudly in my car at a red light, completely oblivious. When I finished the song, I turned to see a bus full of passengers watching (and also some of them filming) my performance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 436

Date night

By Mal - 29/10/2010 20:02 - United States

Today, I finally mustered up the guts to ask this girl I like to dinner and a movie. She agreed on the terms that she could bring someone, and I'd said it wouldn't be a problem. When I met up with her a few hours later, I found out she'd brought her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 648

You deserved it 6 751

By Cup_of___ - 26/11/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I walked into a liquor store and thought about inquiring for a job application. After seeing the cashier, I thought about inquiring if she was single. After accidentally breaking three bottles of liquor, I didn't do either. I left the store, still single and unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 947

You deserved it 30 168

No time to lose

By Atma - 02/07/2023 03:00

Today, I spoke to my girlfriend about how we don't spend enough time talking to each other, but she went on to tell me that we'll talk about it tomorrow because she wanted to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 236

Mystery turd

By Oddity_C - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while at work, I was picking up paper in the bathroom. In one stall I saw what I thought was a wadded piece of the brown paper to dry your hands. It wasn't until I realized it was sticking to my bare hand that I realized it was feces. Human feces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 650

You deserved it 15 713

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 943

You deserved it 3 576

Send nudes

By Anonymous - 29/01/2021 23:01 - Panama - Cuba

Today, my boyfriend said he regrets loving or even meeting me because of the distance between us, and because I won't send nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 349

Touching grass

By 11 months of waiting, and now THIS!? - 05/12/2024 09:00 - Philippines - Imus

Today, it's only day three of my annual vacation. Rest and relaxation? Afraid not! For the past days, I've been haunted by the constant thought of how much work will be piled up when I get back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 156

By xxccruzxx - 29/06/2012 13:30 - United States

Today, at work, my phone kept crashing. Without thinking, I announced that it was having a seizure. Who did I announce this to? My boss. Who also happens to have epilepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 169

You deserved it 29 890

Equality

By Anonymous - 10/07/2023 10:00 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend keeps mentioning how well his new job pays, while I don’t have any income. He then got upset when I expected him to pay for the groceries I got on my way to his new place. What I bought was stuff I needed so I could cook for him, and for me to eat while I’m there, cleaning and fixing stuff for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 318

They say romance is dead…

By Anonymous - 12/12/2024 03:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I finally went on a date with a guy who’s been begging to take me out for weeks. I’m terrified of dating but, after consulting with my friends, I decided to give it a shot as he seemed nice. He told me during the date that he has a girlfriend, but he just fantasizes about hooking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 97

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The Top

Today, a rumor was spread around that I was dating somebody. I confronted the person who everyone thought I was dating, and asked him about it. He also thought we were dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 703

You deserved it 6 117

Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 285

You deserved it 14 350

Today, I got back to my apartment from being away for the past week on Spring break. I found the locks on my apartment changed and all my things on the curb, many of them broken or stolen. I ran to the leasing office to see what had happened. Turns out it was an accounting error on their part. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 160

You deserved it 3 534

Today, it's the 6th day that we have been snowed in. We haven't left the house, because we can't. I've done at least 30 hours of Legos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 048

You deserved it 664

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in his car and we got caught. He’s being detained because I’m underage. My parents were called and are on their way. I had told them I was studying for final exams with a classmate. I feel like I’m next in line on death row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 1 455

Today, I was in an elevator with a coworker I barely know. My stomach thought that it was time to remind me I hadn’t eaten breakfast. It growled like a dying whale, and my coworker gave me a concerned look. To make it worse, the elevator got stuck for five minutes. We stood in awkward silence, with my stomach making noises the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 121