The Top

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Wait for me!

By Anonymous - 06/04/2024 13:00 - United States - Marshfield

Today, my husband has recently discovered prostate play. He is now using my sextoys to pleasure himself and not telling me until after. He doesn't see the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 188

BFF from hell

By Anonymous - 25/11/2022 16:00

Today, I found out my husband cheated on me with my "best friend" on our 6-year anniversary, the 11th of November. He'd left the next morning with no explanation, and she even picked me up to go get ice cream. Three days later we even went Christmas shopping together. How could they do this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 007

You deserved it 254

Accusations

By cosmonaut - 07/08/2009 09:18 - New Zealand

Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 898

You deserved it 71 477

Missed connections

By Anonymous - 05/09/2021 05:01 - United States - San Diego

Today, I found out the guy I had a huge crush on back in college, and still think of every day, actually did like me back. Except I’ve been married for nearly 8 years to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 1 170

By Oh really - 28/01/2009 00:17 - Australia

Today, my friend mentioned a book that reminded her of me. When I asked what it was called she said, "He's just not that into you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 848

You deserved it 2 341

Festive spirit

By Christmas'nt - 28/11/2022 22:00

Today, it's that time of year again: my mom has threatened to disown me if I celebrate Christmas in any way, shape, or form. Yes, she is an extreme bible thumper. No, she doesn't see what is wrong with her behavior, nor does she care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 107

Hair-raising

By Anonymous - 04/12/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I walked into school confident about the new hair color I'd had done over the weekend. My drama teacher apparently dyed her hair the same color; everyone noticed and thought I'd copied her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 742

You deserved it 2 362

By dlova - 27/01/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I was at a party and spent the whole night bragging to my friends about how I thought this girl was totally into me. As we were leaving, we saw the same girl making out with my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 215

You deserved it 24 757

This boils my piss

By Boil Man - 01/12/2022 02:00

Today, I found out it's not normal to constantly develop boils in the same general areas. Some of those areas include: My neck, my abdomen, my forearm, my forehead, right next to my eyes, right below my armpit, right next to my genitals, and even directly on my penis. I want to rip my skin off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 120

By tooearly - 01/01/2012 08:31 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going to a New Year's party. She told me to be back by midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 025

You deserved it 3 376

By CzechMeOut - 04/08/2009 13:19 - United Kingdom

Today, while visiting family in the Czech Republic, I was told on two separate occasions that I looked like a Czech TV star. Flattered, I asked what the TV show was called. Turns out there's a Czech version of 'Ugly Betty'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 432

You deserved it 3 664

By Anonymous - 24/02/2011 08:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend snuck into my house and hid in my closet. Knowing that I have a phobia of people jumping out of closets, he nonetheless thought it would be funny to see how I'd react. I had a panic attack and was taken to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 331

You deserved it 6 860

By prisonbitch - 18/02/2010 17:41 - United States

Today, after five different interviews, I got an offer for a great job. I was excited to fill out paperwork and get the ball rolling, until they called and said that I didn't pass the criminal background check. I get off probation in less than a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 243

You deserved it 38 679

By ohfantastic - 25/01/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 713

You deserved it 2 391

By ellie - 23/02/2011 07:10 - Australia

Today, I got a missed call from a lady at an employment agency asking why I hadn't turned up to an information session for a potential job. Yesterday, the same lady told me the job position was canceled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 168

You deserved it 2 491

So close, yet so far

By Anonymous - 08/12/2022 04:00

Today, while talking to my close female friend whose roommate I have a crush on, I learned that my crush shaves her bikini area into a heart shape. I also learned that my crush is apparently also asexual, so I have no chance with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 333

More reasons to stay at home

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my local pub has now closed so now the only bar within staggering distance of my house is an entertainment centre. So now, if I want to drink myself blotto, I can no longer do it in peace and quiet, I have to do it to the background noise of some cartoon monkey and 100 rotten kids screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 1 175

Wasting away

By Anonymous - 13/09/2021 19:59 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I keep trying to use the Meetup app to meet people, but life keeps trolling me, and every event I even attempt to join (all virtual so far) has been met with no social interaction. It feels like life keeps hammering in the idea that I should just sit in my room and atrophy away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 135

By Trash - 21/01/2009 14:23 - France

Today, a girl was coming on to me throughout an entire concert, giving me drinks. At the end of the evening, she gave me her MSN address so that we could do other things together. Thanks to all the drinks I'd had, I forgot her address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 399

You deserved it 28 298

Ongoing situation

By Anonymous - 08/11/2025 00:00

Today, I'm not showing any symptoms of Covid, despite visiting with a friend three days ago whose family tested positive yesterday, but my stepmom is still convinced I have it. I checked a Cleveland clinic website to prove I didn't have it, only to find out I could be asymptomatic for up to ten days after exposure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 496

The struggle is real

By Anonymous - 10/11/2025 09:00

Today, my husband keeps falling sick or imagining that he's sick. We started the year with flu, then back pain, then a sprain, then a ligament tear, and now a bacterial infection. On the days he's not sick, he has zero interest in physical intimacy, scared that he'll catch an STD. We're a married monogamous couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 99

By I am not amused! - 03/11/2013 22:53 - United Kingdom - Andover

Today, I had the pleasure of driving in central London for the first time, to recover my drunk husband from his own brilliance, puking on the feet of Winston Churchill's statue in Parliament Square. At 4 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 538

You deserved it 3 646

Best day of your life

By Cellist - 14/12/2022 15:00

Today, it's the wedding of a two friends that I introduced each other to about a year ago. I'll be enjoying it on my couch. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 122

Granny Smith

By TEETH - 12/11/2025 09:00

Today, in an attempt to eat healthier snacks, I took an apple to work. I ate it after lunch. Now my teeth are full of bits of apple and I can't focus on my work because it's distracting. Three hours until I can get home and floss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 310

Mood breaker

By Anonymous - 01/10/2021 06:30 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I was having sexy time with my girlfriend when she said she needed to pee. She came back 5 minutes later and started talking about how she hasn't seen her best friend in ages and misses her. Needless to say, I couldn't get the man downstairs back up when we continued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 195

Home alone

By Jdogg - 15/11/2025 00:00

Today, I was home alone, blasting music, dancing in my underwear, singing into a wooden spoon. I turned around mid-performance to see my landlord standing in the kitchen. I’d forgotten about the maintenance appointment I'd scheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 404

Quite the doozy

By Anonymous - 07/05/2024 03:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, my wife has moved into the guest room and has been giving me the cold shoulder ever since I asked for a paternity test for our kids. She swears she’s never cheated, so what’s she so offended for? Women make no sense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 1 673

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 20:31 - United States

Today, my girlfriend tried to cover my eyes while I was driving on the main street, all because she caught me looking at an ad featuring bikini-clad girls on the bus ahead of our car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 571

You deserved it 6 139

Not now, Kevin

By Noname - 16/01/2009 17:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 348

You deserved it 2 682

The grind

By Gunaditya - 26/09/2021 23:00

Today, what did I get after a long, tiring week? A long, depressing weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 138

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The Top

Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 356

You deserved it 3 755

Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 383

Today, I was sharing my screen on a company Zoom call. I inadvertently Teams messaged my colleague saying that the lady who was speaking on this video sounded annoying. Unbeknownst to me, the lady was one of the participants in the call. I forgot I was sharing my screen. They saw the conversation. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 1 145

Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 774

You deserved it 10 184

Today, I found my pet hamster that escaped yesterday, wet and soggy, next to my pet dog. My dog chewed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 080

You deserved it 3 927

Today, a new employee started at our office. She's about 18, barely does any work, chews gum loudly, has no manners, and happens to sit right next to me. She also threatens to report me for harassment whenever I politely ask her to not bash my chair with the back of her chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 863

You deserved it 2 278