Money: Today, I was at a Christmas party when I noticed someone had...

By Anonymous - 16/12/2013 04:47 - United States - North Port

Today, I was at a Christmas party when I noticed someone had taken all of the cash I had from out of my wallet. It was a family gathering. I'm related to the culprit but have no idea who it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 421

You deserved it 3 207

Money

Late term

Taking stock

No sex, lots of violins

By sad trick Or treat - 01/11/2016 21:25 - Denmark

Today, I went to the ER to get my eye checked. Turns out I had a scratch in it. So, after sedation, I now need to wear an eyepatch. Too bad Halloween was yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 030

You deserved it 831

Time to pretend

By fmeplease - 31/05/2009 21:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 138

You deserved it 12 709

Nutshot

By DanJames24 - 10/06/2021 21:01 - United Kingdom

Today, a work colleague was trying to kill a fly that was buzzing around the place. I was about to go on my break, but was stopped because she missed the fly and accidentally whacked me in the balls in the process. By the time I didn’t feel sick anymore, my break was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 62

By Anonymous - 30/09/2009 05:34 - Canada

Today, I searched for free parking near my work for 30 minutes, trying to avoid paying $12 at a pay lot. I scored a spot, but 1 mile away from the office. I trekked through rain, cold, and got to work late. It was a long hard day, crawled back to my car, and had a $30 ticket on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 336

You deserved it 39 235

Tonight, on Asshole Bosses…

By Anonymous - 07/05/2020 17:00

Today, my boss gave me attitude for not going to back to work this Friday. I'm a massage therapist and where I live, it's currently illegal to practice during the pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 627

You deserved it 142

Wait til he Googles it

By what a fuckin idiot - 09/10/2021 05:00 - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend left in a rage. He went through my bathroom drawers and saw that I had Vagisil. He’s legitimately convinced that vagisil is used to treat STIs. Moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 672

You deserved it 165

By broken - 23/09/2016 01:52 - United States - Arcata

Today, the guy I'm seeing told me, "I've always loved you as a person.... but not in any other way." While he was inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 990

You deserved it 1 065

By TheJazzKid - 30/08/2011 03:56 - United States

Today, I played a Jazz gig. It rained, making the tent the band performed under heavy with water. When I stepped forward to play my solo, the front end of the tent collapsed under the weight of the rain, drenching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 177

You deserved it 2 556

By yogapants - 24/09/2010 20:21 - Switzerland

Today, I let out the most horrific, loudest, and most vile smelling fart I have ever had in my life while in the middle of yoga class. Out of embarrassment, I tried to lessen the tension in the silent room by giggling, but no one saw the funny side. I was given looks of horror, and avoided by everyone else for the rest of the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 199

You deserved it 14 814

By Anonymous - 05/08/2011 04:18 - United States

Today, my friend's dad had a heart attack. Without realizing what I was saying, I texted her, "If you need anything, you know I'll be there in a heartbeat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 196

You deserved it 13 224

By nnnaaazzz - 24/10/2009 12:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 242

You deserved it 6 192

By DrunkenValor - 06/09/2009 04:03 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 183

You deserved it 3 452

By Anonymous - 03/02/2010 00:12 - United States

Today, I was on Craigslist looking for a new guitar. I found the diamond earrings and necklace set I gave to my girlfriend last year. She wants 50 bucks for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 556

You deserved it 2 546

By Hipnog - 07/11/2015 14:33 - Czech Republic

Today, I realised how damn creepy I am because I get nervous and smile when someone looks at me, and no it's not one of those smiles you'd love looking at, it's a smile straight out of a horror movie. I made a bunch of children run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 441

You deserved it 2 675

By BloodyHorror - 11/07/2019 22:00

Today, the blood from some defrosted steak dripped under my fridge where I couldn't see it. One insanely hot day later, and my whole house smells like it has its period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 591

You deserved it 309

By thatsillegal - 30/01/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I found out that my assistant is now my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 448

You deserved it 3 070

Don't flush them

By failallday - 07/08/2014 09:09 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, one of my customer's pipes were blocked. As I went to unblock it, about a handful of used condoms collided with my face. I don't know if I should be disgusted by this or disgusted by my customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 095

You deserved it 4 739

By Mazzam - 19/11/2008 11:33 - France

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 201

You deserved it 18 520

By Anonymous - 07/12/2018 16:00 - United States - Zephyrhills

Today, my mom wanted me to pick up my cousin from work immediately. I'm in my shirt and underwear with no other clothes and I'm also too young to drive. She said "He won't mind, and just take my drivers license, they'll never know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 839

You deserved it 187

By Timmah - 31/08/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I got written up at work for making a customer feel bad. I made him feel bad by laughing uncontrollably at him when he asked if we sold real light sabers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 218

You deserved it 15 749

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 20:13 - France

Today, I broke my nose by sneezing too close to a table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 263

You deserved it 7 564

By Anonymous - 24/01/2011 19:43 - United States

Today, I was walking to bed in fancy panties and a tight black tank top. My husband exclaimed, "This is the best part about being a grown up!" He was talking about the ice cream he was eating in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 588

You deserved it 4 797

By unluckydude - 29/06/2013 22:19 - Colombia - Tunja

Today, my co-worker thought it would be funny to tell her husband that she cheated on him with me. I'm scared to death and I don't dare to go out by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 892

You deserved it 4 486

By DirtyCharmed - 01/11/2011 06:29 - United States

Today, I'm very ill. My throat and glands are so swollen that whenever I fall asleep, I relax too much and cut off my own air. The doctor said it's a viral infection and there's nothing they can give me, so I can choose between trying to kill myself by sleeping or staying awake for the next few days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 612

You deserved it 2 618

By Makusu420 - 03/12/2015 00:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad sent me $200 by mail, only to mail it to the wrong person. So now some random person is getting $200 from my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 535

You deserved it 1 561

By fashionista1787 - 12/09/2011 03:23 - United States

Today, I had a creepy old guy with awful body odor in my salon. As I was washing his hair, he brought up how he wants to start a garden, and how a woman's monthly flow weirdly helps to make it grow. Then he asked me if I can save up my used tampons for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 847

You deserved it 2 488

By Anonymous - 22/04/2013 23:37 - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, I walked out of a job interview feeling confident because I'd really hit it off with the interviewer. He called me an hour later to tell me that I didn't get the job, since he was afraid we'd "get along too well and never get any work done." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 664

You deserved it 3 716

Rules are meant to be broken

By hospitalflunky - 28/03/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, I got an email from a professor saying he was going to fail me for missing the allotted absences, which is school policy. I pointed out I was in the hospital for two weeks with a life threatening illness and that he even came to visit me. He told me, "Rules are rules." FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 959

You deserved it 7 348

By oops - 19/11/2014 17:03 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was on a date, and I went to put my arm around her, trying to be romantic, but my coordination went straight to hell. Instead of her shoulder, I ended up accidentally grabbing her tit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 037

You deserved it 8 321

By Anonymous - 17/06/2013 19:56 - United States

Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 346

You deserved it 7 546

By tay - 10/04/2012 11:13 - Australia

Today, I found out that my mother is extremely emotional when it comes to animal deaths when a bird flew into the window and died, and she insisted we have a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 574

You deserved it 3 576

By me - 18/06/2011 23:54 - United States

Today, I was on a flight home. I wasn't going to arrive until midnight, so I was offered an earlier flight that got back at ten. I got to baggage claims and it turned out they lost my bag. I sat there for 2 hours. The people on my original flight left for home before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 708

You deserved it 3 821

By pinky - 06/01/2010 18:12 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5 month old son decided that my lip ring was a toy. Thinking it would be ok, I let him touch it. He got his finger caught and pulled his hand back. The lip ring is still in, but now I have a huge gaping hole in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 495

You deserved it 53 716

By BrutallyBlonde - 31/12/2009 00:03 - United States

Today, I went to egg my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding out he cheated on me. I covered his house and car with eggs, toilet paper, and silly string. When I went to get back in my car, my keys were locked inside, the alarm went off, and my ex walked outside, with his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 773

You deserved it 56 289

By luh8r - 09/04/2009 14:38 - Canada

Today, while teaching swimming to a bunch of five year olds, one particularly bratty girl decided she didn't want to swim and lead the entire class to strike, leaving the pool empty and me without a job. Apparently I was teaching the next world tyrant to swim. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 107

You deserved it 4 674

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 15:25

Today, my dad got over his aversion to tight pants, giving everyone at the DMV a good look at his package in skin-tight blue jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 395

You deserved it 2 385

By cheaphubbyswife - 04/04/2009 09:19 - Canada

Today, I took my son for a walk to tell him about the passing of our family dog. As we were walking by the river, Ozzy (our deceased dog) was laying on the riverbank. My son thought he just ran away and we found him. Turns out my husband was too cheap to pay the 100$ vet disposal fees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 432

You deserved it 5 964

By hot coffee - 12/07/2012 15:17 - United Kingdom - Farnham

Today, I discovered I'd left my coffee on top of my car when it fell through the sun roof whilst I was driving, showering me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 765

You deserved it 27 052

Wait for me!

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 01:58

Today, the parking shuttle for work pulled away right as I was walking up to it. I was late to work. For the second day in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 640

By Anonymous - 14/12/2015 03:23 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was volunteering at a gift-wrapping booth to raise money for autism, and helping others takes my mind off the fact that my mom died at Christmas. While carefully wrapping a present, offering bows, ribbons, and a gift tag, a snobby bitch said to me, "You're not doing a very good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 049

You deserved it 2 124

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Top comments

emeraldisle 30

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Monday 16 December 2013 10:16

What kind of arsehole steals from their own family?? I hope you find who did it OP.

Harpy20 24

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Monday 16 December 2013 10:17

I would make a general announcement that there is a thief in your midst. I wouldn't be surprised if a manhunt started and everyone is searched.

emeraldisle 30

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Monday 16 December 2013 10:16

What kind of arsehole steals from their own family?? I hope you find who did it OP.

DJisHere11 19

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Monday 16 December 2013 10:27

#1 The Grinch who stole Christmas. All jokes aside though that's messed up. Sorry Op.

JocelynKaulitz 28

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Monday 16 December 2013 10:29

The heavily drunk kind…

incoherentrmblr 21

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Monday 16 December 2013 11:29

Welcome to the Griswold household...

Sandman366 6

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Monday 16 December 2013 17:28

I have family who once asked another part of the family not be let in to a funeral. Do not underestimate the horribleness of people. (Or their stupidity, or audacity....but it is understandable for brilliance.)

jazzy_123 20

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Monday 16 December 2013 18:54

Don't think because they're family they won't hurt you. To answer your question, my brother. My brother would most definitely steal some cash if he has the chance.

slickchrome 11

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Monday 16 December 2013 21:03

well do people in your family bring dates or bf/gfs to your family gathering? I trust to leave my money around my family at these kind of functions but not the assholes they bring here.

SherlockWHolmes 12

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Monday 16 December 2013 22:52

This looks like a job for me.

whiteboy896 9

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Monday 16 December 2013 10:17

Isn't it sad you can't even trust your own family? I've been there OP, I know your pain.

Harpy20 24

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Monday 16 December 2013 10:17

I would make a general announcement that there is a thief in your midst. I wouldn't be surprised if a manhunt started and everyone is searched.

fsomelife 26

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Monday 16 December 2013 10:41

Now THAT'S a fun Christmas party. Mystery, thrill, team-building!

lwonderful 11

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Monday 16 December 2013 10:18

That really sucks! I presume you have a video camera somewhere in your house? Hope you find the thief, OP

whiteboy896 9

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Monday 16 December 2013 10:28

OP was AT a party not having a party.

californiapoppy 11

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Monday 16 December 2013 10:43

Yep, because everyone has video cameras in their house....

MyUsernameKatie 31

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Monday 16 December 2013 10:19

People really do suck sometimes. Sorry OP. I know that doesn't bring your wallet back though

whiteboy896 9

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Monday 16 December 2013 10:38

OP lost their money in the wallet, not the wallet itself...

allie2590 30

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Monday 16 December 2013 10:43

Yes, thank goodness the actual wallet wasn't stolen. That would be so much worse! >.>

MysticMonkey 9

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Monday 16 December 2013 10:19

Jeremy Kyle Show.

IvyOswin 17

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Monday 16 December 2013 10:22

Why was your wallet laying about? Sorry it happened though.

BellaBear90 27

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Monday 16 December 2013 10:43

Probably because they thought it'd be safe to leave it around family members. When we have family parties at my house I don't lock away the valuables... It's family.

RedPillSucks 31

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Monday 16 December 2013 16:00

But don't guys usually have their wallets in their pants pockets? It's not like a purse. EDIT: Whoops. Didn't check gender first. Now I see OP is female.

kewlstoribro 6

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Monday 16 December 2013 21:35

Who the fuck keeps their wallets in their pockets when they're in their own home, regardless of gender of whether they have pockets or not? Since it's family, especially, they should be able to feel at ease with their belongings out. I've an aunt that leaves thousands of dollars in cash sitting in a drawer, which she trusts that I will not take any when I am over. Seriously, morals and values are disappearing....

jazzy_123 20

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Monday 16 December 2013 22:54

Even if they did have their wallet in their pocket, some people ate really good at picking pockets. I know my siblings mess around with me and will take stuff out of my purse and I won't notice sometimes.

BadApple88 29

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Monday 16 December 2013 10:22

I think almost everyone have that one family member who steals smh

DJisHere11 19

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Monday 16 December 2013 10:23

I wouldn't let anyone leave until they empty out their pockets. If they won't there hiding something and then that's your suspect.

RedPillSucks 31

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Monday 16 December 2013 16:03

Plus, it was cash that was stolen, so OP has no way to claim that this was their cash.

bugfroggy 16

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Monday 16 December 2013 19:54

#38 - Write your initials on your cash, and problem solved. Too bad we can't go back in time and do that.

SavingForYears 9

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Monday 16 December 2013 10:24

A family gathering is the last place you would except this to happen.Stealing from your family is a fucking spineless thing to do. I hope you find him/her OP.