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For those of you who said ydi, shit I guess I did! I do have a car but I prefer to spend 3 dollars in gas a month rather that 150!! I work at a restaurant on the waterfront bartending all day so I was tired after a brutal day. When I said it was uphill, I meant uphill, not a gradual incline. It was steep! and very late at night when my EXboyfriend drove by. I certainly didnt look like I chose to walk a moped up a mountain! Thanks guys!

By preggo - 19/02/2012 08:55 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend's father suggested that, ideally, I should aim to have my baby in early July, or wait until he gets back from Europe in October. I'm due September 4th, and he will be "incredibly disappointed" if he misses the birth of his first grandchild due to my "selfishness". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 170

You deserved it 3 113

By Profucktardor - 24/01/2014 20:33 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my university professor admitted to sometimes just winging it when she's teaching. "Yeah," she said, "sometimes I just don't get this stuff either." No wonder I'm failing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 896

You deserved it 3 907

By buttpicker - 19/04/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 36

By Anonymous - 22/01/2014 21:41 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, after I took my first set of exams, my professor posted on Twitter, scoffing at how stupid one student's answer was. The answer he quoted was one that I wrote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 047

You deserved it 10 267

By idiot - 24/01/2013 19:53 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I took a swig of lemonade from my cup, only to feel something hard in my mouth. Thinking it was a roach or something, I freaked out and spat out the drink. I doused my laptop and soaked myself in the process, only to find out it was a small ice-cube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 573

You deserved it 40 328

Brain melt

By ray - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I dropped my bag to run after my two-year-old who had bolted in the parking lot. Once he was in his seat, I got in and drove away. I felt two large thumps as I drove over my own iPad, cellphone and wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 240

You deserved it 15 514

Até a próxima

By Anonymous - 20/04/2011 03:05 - United States

Today, I picked up on a telemarketer and started speaking in Portuguese. It turns out that this particular telemarketer spoke it as well. Every time I hung up, he called back. Telemarketers get really excited when they find out someone else speaks their language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 543

You deserved it 10 469

By blah. - 05/04/2010 10:14 - Thailand

Today, my shrink diagnosed me as severely depressive, due to a lot of stress and yells at home. After the session, my parents argued about whose fault it was and then went on to yell at me for being depressive and wasting their money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 084

You deserved it 3 848

Mommy milk time

By TheLastSerenade - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Sydney

Today, I saw a woman breastfeeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 327

You deserved it 4 124

Don't you want me, baby?

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 00:01

Today, it's been 10 months of a sexless marriage. Also my 10-month wedding anniversary. We waited until marriage, and she hasn't wanted me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 670

You deserved it 328

My body hates me

By How? - 09/10/2022 22:30

Today, I'm on the last few days of my period. After nothing came out the whole day, a dollop of blood suddenly poured out, somehow managed to entirely circumvent the giant pad I was wearing, and went straight into my underwear, pants, and the chair I was sitting on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 163

By Anonymous - 02/09/2009 09:39 - New Zealand

Today, my boss rang me for the 5th time on my day off. Frustrated I pushed 'ignore' and yelled a string of obscenities at my phone. Turns out I pushed 'talk'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 573

You deserved it 50 964

Got em

By stinker - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother told me she was going out of town this weekend. I reassured her that I would not throw a party. She replied, "Oh, like you have enough friends to do that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 093

You deserved it 4 483

By anonymous - 13/02/2012 11:32 - United States

Today, I cracked a rib coughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 211

You deserved it 2 989

Assumptions

By adriana - 01/09/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills. She said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 374

You deserved it 4 594

Mirror, mirror

By Zubat - 15/07/2021 22:01

Today, my boss confided that he doesn't like having interns in the workplace, because he finds it insulting that someone who hasn't finished their education can do our jobs. My boss frequently brags about being a high school dropout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 98

No reply

By Alex - 06/02/2024 12:00 - United States - Jeffersonville

Today, my mom didn’t answer the phone when I called. My husband promptly said, with a straight face, “Would you answer you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 165

By Embarassed - 30/08/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my father why most of the bar was giving him dirty looks at a concert. His air guitar motions made it look like he was jacking off under the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 385

You deserved it 3 041

By fatass - 19/02/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, I had a great workout and was feeling really good about my body. Until I sat on my desk, and broke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 984

You deserved it 7 535

The high road

By Stephy - 22/07/2021 11:01

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Trying to be the bigger person, I told him, "Your loss, not mine." He responded with, "I didn’t lose anything really. You let yourself go. Have you looked in the mirror lately?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 990

By daughterofanazi - 08/02/2012 05:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to my parents' house for dinner. My dad made Holocaust jokes the entire time. My boyfriend is Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 793

You deserved it 4 662

By Anonymous - 07/02/2012 02:08 - United States

Today, I made a Sim of myself and had her work out until she was completely fit, then got her a job and a husband. Meanwhile, I sat at my desk, fat, single, and jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 123

You deserved it 42 226

Classic lineup

By Phoellie - 28/08/2009 11:43 - United Kingdom

Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs. I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex. Afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd also had great sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 422

You deserved it 5 249

By asdf1851 - 18/02/2009 08:35 - United States

Today, I let my friend who is in 'beauty school' do my hair. I now look like i have a mullet. What was supposed to be auburn highlights is now hot pink. I have a job interview in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 741

You deserved it 36 993

By KDM - 05/02/2012 19:39 - Australia

Today, I realised how socially inept I am, when I muttered an apology to my laptop after I noticed I hadn't plugged its charger in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 979

You deserved it 6 626

By Anonymous - 13/03/2010 19:01 - United States

Today, I visited my family for spring break because I've been away at college and I haven't seen them since Christmas. Almost as soon as I walked in the door, my mom had me clean the living room area, clean up cat vomit, and do the dishes. Thanks guys... I missed you too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 660

You deserved it 3 116

Check this out

By Anonymous - 17/10/2022 02:00 - Australia - Buninyong

Today, I received a dick pic from my partner, with whom, although taking a ‘break’, we were apparently ‘working on things’. He forgot to remove the Grindr watermark from his pic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 169

You deserved it 190

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Random

Today, while I was waiting for the train, a woman sat next to me. Her dog jumped up between us and I started petting it. She took this to mean we were now close enough for her to tell me in detail about her experience so far going through the menopause. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 167

You deserved it 4 461

Today, while at my brother's funeral, my girlfriend decided to tell me she'd been sleeping with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 845

You deserved it 3 785

Today, I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom. Tonight, my husband threw up all over the bathroom. He actually cleaned it up himself, including the toilet. I went to use the toilet, put down the seat and sat down. Guess which part of the toilet he DIDN'T clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 744

You deserved it 5 603

Today, I found out that I'm immune to laughing gas and partially immune to novocaine while I was getting two teeth pulled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 859

You deserved it 2 946

Today, it was my final meeting with my psychologist who was helping me with my bipolar disorder. I just found out that he committed suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133 110

You deserved it 6 578

Today, I made a joke about an older girl looking sexy because she had messy hair and half makeup on and half off. My girlfriend of 3 years found it offensive and broke up with me, then later made up rumors. Now my whole high school thinks I got her pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 306