The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Anonymous · 18 December 2023, 09:00 ·Swartz Creek, United States

Spiralling out of control

Today, I was told a job offer that would've changed my life had been taken back, due to one part in the onboarding process. I’ve already sold my car, ended the lease to my apartment, and purchased a non refundable plane ticket. With little to no money and the Christmas break coming soon, I feel like I’m going to die with no backup plan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663 You deserved it 185

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Pauljohnson · 29 August 2022, 02:00

Dear John

Today, my wife packed the kids up and left for Idaho. I found a letter saying that she misses her paranoid schizo dad and brother, and that she misses me when I'm at work, but can't stand me when I'm home. She is now 1700 miles away, and I'm here alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047 You deserved it 148

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kat · 31 December 2023, 06:00 ·San Diego, United States

Weird logic

Today, I told my guy friend to not put pictures of me on his story when we hang out, to which he replied, “You rejected me, but you continue to ask about my friends. For some reason you refuse to help me out with yours. At least some other girl I know will think I’m a catch for hanging with you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 185 You deserved it 1 054

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Anonymous · 8 July 2025, 00:00 ·Brooklyn, United States

Subway creeper

Today, I was creeping on a girl, looking at her tattoos and getting stimulated while she was sitting down in the carriage next to ours. From the looks of it, it looked like she was looking at her phone, but she was actually staring dead at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 You deserved it 972

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Eiblake13 · 7 January 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Neverending cycle

Today, my girlfriend threw a bitch fit about her clothes not fitting and how she’s “so fat” to the point of storming out of the house when I asked her to please calm down. Just a couple of hours earlier, we'd ordered food and she ordered a salad, then asked to trade my burger and fries with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650 You deserved it 162

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Anonymous · 28 September 2022, 21:30

Insecure

Today, after my wife said I could decide what to do with our spare room, I decided to make a home gym. She hasn't stopped ranting about "patriarchal diet culture" and "unrealistic body expectations" since. I just wanted to get fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165 You deserved it 136

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Anonymous · 10 July 2021, 06:01

Third degree

Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520 You deserved it 145

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Boner Jim · 24 July 2025, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Uninvited

Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 559 You deserved it 146

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Manuel Gearbox · 12 July 2021, 18:01 ·Cape Town, South Africa

Anger management

Today, I drove a different work vehicle, one with the cupholder right behind the gear lever. After multiple accidental attempts at changing gears with my Coke bottle, I threw it out the window in a temper. I then got busted for littering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221 You deserved it 1 703

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Anonymous · 24 January 2024, 00:00 ·Brisbane, Australia

You've got this!

Today, I took my driver's test, whereby I forgot everything, panicked, and closed my eyes while yelling, "Jesus take the wheel!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 133 You deserved it 841

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anonymous · 11 March 2020, 06:00 ·Canada

Higher education

Today, I realized that all the swirling techniques I learned in chemistry labs has helped me to swirl alcoholic ingredients properly in my drinks to get the best mixtures. Thanks university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249 You deserved it 391

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Anonymous · 1 February 2024, 06:00

Like a moth to a bug light

Today, in the middle of a romantic walk through the park where we had our first date, my husband actually walked into a tree because he was looking at a woman who had sat down on the grass in such a position that he could see up her skirt. Very romantic of him, I must say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602 You deserved it 136

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Anonymous · 4 October 2022, 02:00 ·Berthoud, United States

Never crush on coworkers

Today, I found out that a girl who I really liked at work, who is my manager and with whom I'm friends, and who knows I like her, has been secretly dating someone else who works there for a month, and everyone at work knew except me, because she didn't want to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845 You deserved it 494

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Stephenstrange · 22 July 2021, 19:59 ·Clinton Township, United States

Family goals

Today, I asked my mom to tell me how she met my dad, because after 15 years me and my dad are finally working on our relationship. My mom thought it was a good time to tell me he’s not my father, and that my biological father wants to meet me this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 239 You deserved it 96

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Anonymous · 24 July 2021, 22:01 ·Steele, United States

Sensory overload

Today, I visited my brother, and noticed that my 17 year-old nephew was being unusually cold and grumpy; a sign that he's having sensory overload. Because his parents are so loud, I knew they were responsible. When I confronted them, they responded by yelling at me and grounding him. Sorry, nephew, I tried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 320 You deserved it 194

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Nathalieeeee · 10 August 2025, 20:00 ·Newark, United States

Mortified

Today, I went on a first date at an Italian restaurant. I was leaning in as my date told a story when my fork snapped a meatball in half. The sauce launched across the table and landed directly on his shirt, meat red against crisp white. I spent the rest of the meal staring at the stain, so I'm not sure there will be a date two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381 You deserved it 119

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Superfly · 19 July 2021, 18:01

Class act

Today, my great grandfather got arrested. Why? He is still shell shocked from World War II, so when we went to a hibachi grill, he didn't want any of those, "Damn Japs" to touch his food, and our chef didn't take too kindly to his verbal assault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 269 You deserved it 499

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Anonymous · 12 October 2022, 22:00 ·Niagara Falls, Canada 🌶️ Spicy

Bunged up

Today I discovered the hard way that you can rip your own butthole. Not from having sex though, I ripped my own butt because I was constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 317 You deserved it 162

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Charlie Given · 26 July 2021, 07:53 ·Ottawa, Canada

So compassionate

Today, I found out that yet another woman I was interested in is nothing but a addict. All the women I've tried to date for 3 years now have turned out to be fucked up in some major way. Why can't I just find a non-loser for a girlfriend? FML

I agree, your life sucks 725 You deserved it 942

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Anonymous · 14 February 2024, 20:00 ·United Kingdom

Buzz off

Today, I discovered my husband and kids wait until I’m out of the house before doing fun activities like water fights, board games, Xbox sessions, football, and the like. Apparently I’m such a buzzkill and moody sore loser, they can only have fun without me around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144 You deserved it 1 114

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Bianca · 19 February 2024, 15:00 ·United States

Mom of the year

Today, my car’s at the mechanic's so I called my mom and asked her to come pick me up from class, since it ends at 9pm and I was scared to walk home at night. She told me, “Oh honey, you have nothing to worry about, you’re too fat to get raped, plus you need the exercise.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 717 You deserved it 213

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Anonymous · 13 April 2020, 23:00

DINOSAURS!!

Today, I tried to cook an extra healthy, vegetable filled meal for my boyfriend and I. Not only did we notice the vegetables were off a little too late, but he also found my hair in his bowl. We had to settle for turkey dinosaurs and spaghetti loops instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178 You deserved it 918

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Sonotsuave · 22 October 2022, 18:00 ·Mclean, United States

Alexa, play "Make It Stop" by Low

Today, like every day since the new neighbors moved into the townhouse next door, their newborn won’t stop crying. The room the two toddlers and newborn are in apparently shares a wall with my bedroom, so I hear crying while I work remote, study remote, and try to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032 You deserved it 146

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Anonymous · 23 April 2020, 23:00

Remember socialising?

Today, because of this fucking virus I was really excited to actually talk to another person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227 You deserved it 302

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Anonymous · 14 November 2022, 06:00

Sounds like CPTSD as well…

Today, I asked my father if it was okay for me to take an ADHD test. He spent about 30 minutes yelling at as to why that is a dumb idea. I have asked multiple people who know me better than anyone else and they believe that I might have ADHD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876 You deserved it 155

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Anonymous · 25 August 2021, 04:01

Racketeering

Today, my car was damaged in an accident. At the garage, I happened to find out that if some big insurance company is paying for the repairs, they only charge half the hourly rate they charge people who have to pay from their own meager salaries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846 You deserved it 110

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Anonymous · 21 May 2020, 05:00

TMI

Today, I was trying to teach my Aunt and Gran to use Google drive to share and upload pictures, when I scrolled past an image of my… yep. I didn't have a mirror when the pic was taken and I was concerned about a sore. Now they just think I'm a whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 375 You deserved it 579

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Anonymous · 28 August 2021, 08:00

Swindling

Today, I got dumped, but not before he swindled me out of my savings. This done by my sweetheart from 16 years ago, whom I reunited with when he called me 7 months ago. I had no reason not to trust him, his brother has been one of my BFFs for 20 years. Now I'm not only broke, but heartbroken, and have nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104 You deserved it 231

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Anonymous · 30 August 2021, 06:01 ·Austin, United States

Where d'you come from?

Today, as someone with a large chest, I'm used to sometimes finding food in my clothes at the end of the day. However, when I took off my bra off, I found half of a dead grasshopper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 000 You deserved it 145

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Saad Ahmed · 25 November 2022, 22:00 ·Islamabad, Pakistan

Blanked it

Today, I found out that yesterday's exam, which I left almost blank, had been leaked 3 hours prior. I hadn't been able to see it because my phone was out of juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 238 You deserved it 916

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