Today I discovered the hard way that you can rip your own butthole. Not from having sex though, I ripped my own butt because I was constipated. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML
Today, I tore my ass crack. No, not my asshole, my ass crack. I don't know why, I don't know how, I just know it hurts. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML
Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML
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Top comments
cuz803 46
Been there. Had anal fissures multiple times. Consume fiber and water in your diet. Lots of it. Also, maybe psyllium husk supplements would help you.
RichardPencil 32
Didn't you have a friend who could give you anal to move things around a bit? With friends like that, who needs enemas?
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Comments (4)
cuz803 46
Been there. Had anal fissures multiple times. Consume fiber and water in your diet. Lots of it. Also, maybe psyllium husk supplements would help you.
poopface82 25
Also coconut milk. It’s a natural laxative.
BurnInDemonFire 39
What the shit, Steve?
RichardPencil 32
Didn't you have a friend who could give you anal to move things around a bit? With friends like that, who needs enemas?
cacheson 42
I was going to try to make a witty comment but after this I’ve got nothing