Your everyday life stories

bonnmo - 11/11/2018 11:30 - United States

Today, I took a big, smelly, satisfying dump when I woke up. When I tried to flush, nothing happened. None of my four roommates bothered to tell me we didn’t have running water. FML

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Support required

Anonymous - 10/01/2022 02:01 - Canada

Today, I realized people don't value vulnerability and honesty. I've spent my life being open about it, only to learn that people use that to respect you less. I've reached a point where I give up, it sucks. Trying gets you nowhere. I don't wanna go back to a dark place, but feels like I will though. I have nobody… FML

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Yeah, just blame me!

Anonymous - 17/10/2020 11:02

Today, after I found out my husband cheated on me and then yesterday had to stop him from trying to kill himself, he's now moved out and has decided that this is all my fault. FML

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BugDTV - 27/11/2018 09:30 - United States - Auburn

Today, I went to open my store but corporate had changed the locks without notice. The store's being sold. FML

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Sweet dude

no booze blues - 21/10/2020 08:01 - United States

Today, I was cleaning out some cabinets and stumbled upon a bottle of vodka. Being a recovering alcoholic, I immediately flushed it down the toilet. When my boyfriend got home, instead of being proud of my victory, he bitched me out for wasting the good shit. That’s for the support babe. FML

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Lose yourself to find yourself

Hilda - 21/02/2022 11:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I admitted to my parents that I'm not the gold star lesbian I've always claimed to be. In fact, I went through a terrible slutty hetero period in college. My mom was disgusted, and my Dad wanted way too many details. FML

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That's not how any of this works

Not your bulter - 25/04/2023 06:00

Today, my fiancée's life ambition is to become a "couch slug" so she presented me with a brilliant plan: She wants to go on medical leave from work and apply for disability payments. She's perfectly capable, just extremely lazy. FML

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Thermoregulation wars

NoCirculation - 24/11/2020 14:03 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, my boyfriend is wearing a t-shirt and shorts. I'm wearing leggings, sweatpants, a vest, t-shirt, jumper and hoodie. If we turn the heating any higher, he starts overheating and sweating. At the current level, I'm still shivering. FML

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Summon the demons

Anonymous - 06/05/2023 10:00

Today, after my son lost an eye in an accident, he has recently been fitted with a professionally made false eye. I thought I could trust him to take it seriously, but nope, turns out when getting the eye made, he secretly insisted the eye be a mixture of blood red and fire yellow to look demonic. FML

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Caught

Snooper - 16/03/2022 18:00

Today, I attempted to snoop around my daughter’s room, because I suspect her of having sex with her boyfriend behind my back. Hoping to find the evidence, I went to her room as soon as she left for school. Turns out she rigged her bedroom door. With glitter. Uh oh. FML

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Gamers CAN have a love life

Anonymous - 04/03/2022 10:00

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because I was having an affair in The Elder Scrolls Online. While ranting to my online elf husband, he got upset that I had a real life boyfriend and dumped me too. FML

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Live through this

Artist man - 08/01/2021 07:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend walked out on me because she realised she doesn’t love me enough to go through a second lockdown with me and our 2-year-old daughter FML

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A blessing and a curse

Anonymous - 30/06/2023 06:00

Today, I realized nobody has ever asked me for nudes, slid into my DMs, sent me anything lewd, or commented on any of my photos. I guess I'm that unattractive. FML

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KeepOnTruckin' - 18/05/2019 17:50

Today, I had to help my best friend plan his upcoming date with the girl he doesn't know I'm secretly in love with. FML

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Cosplay freakout

Anonymous - 24/04/2022 14:00

Today, our daughter was going to a cosplay event, until her dad saw the costume, or lack thereof, that she was planning to wear in public, with people taking photographs of her. He got so mad, he actually burst a blood vessel in his neck and had to go to hospital. She still went to the event. FML

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TheStroker - 01/06/2019 06:03

Today, I was cleaning off a carrot by rubbing it up and down under the tap over the sink. My 13-year-old son comes in and says, "Mom, you could get a job doing that." I told him that a carrot cleaner wouldn't make much money. He says, "I wasn't talking about carrots." FML

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Anonymous - 05/06/2019 00:01

Today, my 5-year-old figured out that if he has a mouthful of milk and he blows really hard, he can blow the milk out of his nose like twin fire hoses. I’ve washed the carpet twice in the past day, and my house still stinks of rotten dairy. FML

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Unreasonable

Anonymous - 21/02/2021 10:01 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my father-in-law decided to disown myself and his son, because my husband decided to hyphenate his last name. FML

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Check this out!

What an ass - 23/02/2021 14:01 - Australia

Today, while using my phone camera as a mirror, I managed to broadcast a Facebook Live video of myself applying haemorrhoid cream to my asshole. FML

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Assumptions part 27674

dads can’t cook? - 17/03/2021 21:30

Today, I was messaging a new friend when she mentioned her dad was cooking dinner that night. I jokingly texted, “Oh no! I’m sorry!” Turns out her dad is a professional chef. FML

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Sounds like a cult

Anonymous - 04/02/2025 08:00 - United States - Duncan

Today, I realized that my 14 year-old runs my home. She has her own room, while her 11 year-old sister and I (her mother) share a room. I literally have to get her permission to go anywhere as well. FML

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Golden child

ohhaithur - 26/07/2019 02:00

Today, my mom accused me of stealing $350 from her. She didn't accuse my unemployed brother, who just bought a brand new iPhone. Even after he confessed to her, she thought he was covering for me. My brother has a criminal record for theft. FML

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Lulu - 16/07/2017 00:30

Today, the first day of my 4-day weekend, I fell off my scooter. I'll have to spend the rest of my vacation bandaged and away from water. I'm on a beach. FML

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amore89 - 28/07/2019 12:00

Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML

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You reap what you sow

Brooke - 21/05/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, I invaded my boyfriend’s privacy by looking through his phone. I read the texts between him and his mom. I realized his mom is the worst. Then I realized I’m exactly like his mom. I told my boyfriend what I did, and called him weird for dating his mom. FML

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Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew!

Anonymous - 15/08/2017 11:30 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was writing an essay while sleep-deprived. In between actually writing, I started typing my thoughts. It was only after I’d submitted the essay that I realized that I hadn’t deleted the random words. My teacher can see my early-morning rambling about potatoes. I have no way to delete it. FML

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Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

- 04/04/2021 07:59

Today, I found out that they won't hold my stimulus for child support, only to find out that they withheld it to give it to me when I file my taxes. Which child support will take. FML

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anon - 03/09/2017 21:45 - Belgium - Aarschot

Today, after an exhausting renovation, we finally took some time to cook a nice dinner. We got to relax for a full hour before our downstairs neighbour informed us that any water we use leaks through her ceiling. Four experts came. No one can find the leak. FML

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No kinkshaming here

Anonymous - 27/04/2021 11:00

Today, my hotel room key wouldn't open my door. Maintenance had to come let me in. My giant dildo was out on the table. I'm a 250-pound man, traveling alone. FML

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Whatcha been up to?

Just another Dude - 02/10/2017 13:00

Today, I spilled vanilla yogurt on my pants while eating breakfast, but I forgot to clean it up. It left a very conspicuous white stain on my pants, that was there the entire day. I only noticed it when I looked in the mirror after getting home. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I realized how bad my social skills are when I finally landed a date with my crush. We sat down to lunch, and I asked her what her favorite Marvel movies were. She gave a flat, "I don't like those movies." and we deadass sat there in silence for ten minutes. FML

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Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

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Today, my sister convinced my girlfriend that I cheated on her. All because I took the first slice of her birthday cake. FML

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Today, I was denied an animal adoption because I said "babies" instead of "kittens". Apparently that means I'm not serious about pet ownership. What?! FML

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Today, I went for a job interview on my birthday. I had on a shirt and a tie on and I had my Blackberry in my pocket. I was running a little late, so I dashed outside. When I came out of the door, a bunch of my buddies screamed HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and poured Gatorade all over me. FML

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Today, my boyfriend came over to cheer me up after I'd had a sleepless night. He thought it would be a good time to propose. Unfortunately, it coincided with me yawning. FML

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