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By Anonymous - 10/01/2022 02:01 - Canada

Today, I realized people don't value vulnerability and honesty. I've spent my life being open about it, only to learn that people use that to respect you less. I've reached a point where I give up, it sucks. Trying gets you nowhere. I don't wanna go back to a dark place, but feels like I will though. I have nobody… FML
I agree, your life sucks 850
You deserved it 213

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It's easy to lay the blame on other people but you must think. How do your honestly and vulnerability manifest themselves? Do you say things that hurt other people? Do you keep talking about bad and negative things? Do you have a good energy positive aura or do you have a sad negative one that makes people distance themselves? We pay psychologists so they can help us deal with our issues. Don't expect friends to replace them. It's too much for a person to ask. Keep therapy to where it belongs and keep friends as a way to get the energy and motivation for going on and having fun in life. You don't need to hide every bad day or feeling, but you do need to manage that most of the interaction will place you as someone that is fun to be around.

wysegirl 22

it's life. my boss told me I have to much heart for my job and I should care less if I want to get through the rest of my career. stay true to you but be more guarded on who you let in.

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Welcome back to the club

It is a tough thing. Some people don't value it, but don't let that deter you from the life you want to live and value my friend

wysegirl 22

it's life. my boss told me I have to much heart for my job and I should care less if I want to get through the rest of my career. stay true to you but be more guarded on who you let in.

It's easy to lay the blame on other people but you must think. How do your honestly and vulnerability manifest themselves? Do you say things that hurt other people? Do you keep talking about bad and negative things? Do you have a good energy positive aura or do you have a sad negative one that makes people distance themselves? We pay psychologists so they can help us deal with our issues. Don't expect friends to replace them. It's too much for a person to ask. Keep therapy to where it belongs and keep friends as a way to get the energy and motivation for going on and having fun in life. You don't need to hide every bad day or feeling, but you do need to manage that most of the interaction will place you as someone that is fun to be around.

Just to clarify, because commenters seem to be missing this (or I'm misinterpreting): There's an "it" here, that is the thing that causes other people to lose respect for you. "It" is not vulnerability and honesty. Vulnerability and honesty are you revealing "it" to others, and being punished. Honesty is complicated. Neurodivergent folks, especially Autistic and ADHD folks, value honesty more than neurotypical people do (on average). Bullies will take vulnerability as an invitation to harm you. But even valuing honesty might not make up for the fact that "it" bothers people. You need either a way to test the waters (like a closeted person finding out how their loved ones feel about the subject before coming out themselves), or to talk to a therapist/psychologist, whose training includes behaving nonjudgmentally. Also, you can probably find an online community (perhaps a subreddit) of people who share "It" with you. They will be safe to talk to. (But be safe! If it's something like, "I live where I can be killed for being an atheist," don't do anything that could let people trace the account to you.) Good luck.

I was hoping someone would comment about this. im ND and largely, I dont mask and im 100% myself. I tell people from the get-go that I can be weirdly honest, but you will always know where you stand with me. I do know how to keep my mouth shut and read a room though, and it's not like I'm an asshole because I'm 'honest'. I know that people's feelings matter as much as mine do.

Why would you think people in general will value vulnerability? Most people prefer resilience. Only discuss your vulnerabilities with trained professionals. Loved ones can make things worse even when they try to help.

They do value it but people have problems with big emotions and feelings, especially if they haven't had certain ones validated their entire life. Granted, I have found that there is a certain approach you have to take in order to be heard, alot of that depends on your intentions of the conversation. Are you looking to share with others in order to help others or are you sharing because you are still brainstorming ways to overcome obstacles or issues. If someone gets the idea that you are talking to them just to vent, then they won't feel particularly valuable or useful because they don't know what to do either. Everyone has issues and problems, not everyone wants to hear or talk about them, especially if that's 90% of what they do.

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