Today, my boyfriend gently pointed out that when we hug, it's...

08/07/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend gently pointed out that when we hug, it's our stomachs that touch first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 379

Age difference

Burn out

Phantom pooper

04/02/2013 20:17 - United States - Raynham

Today, my friend asked me to fix his laptop for him because it is loaded with viruses. When I turned it on and started searching for the problem, I couldn't find it. Luckily I was able to find a video of him banging my girlfriend. We've been together for eight years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 186

You deserved it 4 483

15/04/2015 14:32 - United Kingdom - Kettering

Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 186

You deserved it 3 013

19/03/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw me he simply said, "April Fool's!" It's March 19th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153 593

You deserved it 9 742

04/01/2012 03:30 - Canada

Today, as an important meeting with clients was drawing to a close, we all stood up and they bid their farewells. My response was to blurt out, "Hello!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 572

You deserved it 7 785

03/08/2019 14:00

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I was "changing too much." My big change was a haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 587

You deserved it 124

Babe, I am your father.

By no, oh god no - 08/09/2018 14:30

Today, it was only as my boyfriend met my dad for the first time that I realised how alike they are. Same opinions, same dress sense, same moustache and beard, same height and body shape, similar jobs and cars, and they support the same rugby team. They got on like a house on fire as soon as they met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 725

You deserved it 705

03/11/2017 04:00

Today, I took my new boyfriend to my step-sister's wedding. He knew more people there than I did, including 3 bridesmaids he used to sleep with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 821

You deserved it 481

13/05/2012 06:28 - United States - Theodore

Today, it was my wedding day. The best part was when we were taking photos and I threw up on my dress. At least the pictures were outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 240

You deserved it 2 991

Ouch

By Jackmeister - 03/11/2018 03:00

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 7 071

09/05/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, I was kneeling down at work to do some cleaning. My co-worker said, "Oh don't your knees hurt, kneeling like that for so long?" Without thinking how it sounded, I said, "Oh no, it's not a problem. I'm on my knees all the time." He's yet to stop hitting on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 967

You deserved it 49 699

31/05/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, I washed my face and grabbed the towel to dry it, I felt something moving down my forehead, thinking it was a drop of water. Upon looking in the mirror, I found it hadn't been a drop of water. Unless the water drop had legs and was gooey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 446

You deserved it 3 948

21/10/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I texted my brother saying, "Always remember I love you! Never forget it!" to which he replied, "You better not be doing drugs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 951

You deserved it 9 729

29/06/2013 09:55 - United States - Reno

Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 042

You deserved it 2 942

02/12/2009 08:51 - United States

Today, I found out that the person sending me secret love letters was actually my dad, who felt sorry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 133

You deserved it 3 662

29/08/2014 04:16 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 184

You deserved it 5 889

25/01/2015 05:01 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I have to wear earplugs in my own apartment because my neighbor won't turn down his music. My landlord doesn't believe me because "people with disabilities can't be rude." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 611

You deserved it 2 143

04/11/2014 21:48 - Canada - Mount Pearl

Today, I looked at my twelve-year-old daughter's test. One of the question was, "When is a good time to worry about your parents?" Her answer was, "When they take selfies, because selfies aren't made for old people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 902

You deserved it 6 605

10/11/2013 07:49 - United States

Today, I took my 13 year old fishing off the pier for dogfish. The only thing he caught was a piece of my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 594

You deserved it 4 318

24/12/2015 19:01 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I'm spending Christmas Eve at the hospital. Why? Because when I blew my nose, a ball of flesh connected to a tendril of skin shot out, and it wouldn't go back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 562

You deserved it 1 596

24/10/2015 23:46 - United States - Irving

Today, I went through an entire roll of toilet paper in just over an hour. You win this time, questionable pork souvlaki. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 982

You deserved it 3 736

01/04/2011 21:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my dog is so lazy, she doesn't even get out of my bed in the morning to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 636

You deserved it 6 911

Good one, thanks

By MarkTheShark - 12/12/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I left work to find a note on my windshield that read, "I think you're cute," with a phone number written down as well. I got super excited and immediately dialed. The phone was answered by a woman laughing hysterically. It was my Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 813

You deserved it 6 833

Ups and downs

By Kirstie Campbell - 08/06/2020 08:08

Today, I finally realized that my bipolar depression gets worse in hot weather. I live in Hawaii. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 160

29/07/2019 02:00

Today, I found a spider in my car the size of my hand. Help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 716

You deserved it 128

10/01/2015 13:45 - United States

Today, my fiancée got married. I did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 662

You deserved it 3 421

08/11/2018 14:00

Today, a passenger in my taxi left without paying. They left their phone, so I posted a message about it from their social media, exposing them. Turns out they'd stolen the phone from someone else. I ended up getting arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 392

You deserved it 536

13/10/2008 08:32

Today, my 63-year-old neighbor jumped out of his window. I was the first to find him, alive, naked and stuck in a bush. I guess I shouldn't have laughed at him while waiting for the ambulance, because he was my landlord. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 299

You deserved it 24 067

22/02/2014 02:47 - United States - Irvine

Today, I was at the mall with a couple of friends when we saw a couple of cute boys. I made eye contact with the cutest one. Flustered, I giggled, only to send a wad of snot flying out of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 847

You deserved it 8 219

09/11/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 810

You deserved it 37 008

Keys, how do they work?

By Anonymous - 19/10/2020 01:56

Today, I had to call a locksmith because I got locked out of my apartment. It cost a total of $350 to break in and repair the lock. Not even 3 hours later, I dropped my only key in the sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 753

09/04/2016 04:31 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, after staying up late all week to get work done, I arrived at my job having accomplished all my goals. In my sleep-deprived stupor, I completely forgot to bring the briefcase that had all of the evidence of that hard work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 361

You deserved it 2 651

01/07/2011 05:56 - United States

Today, after weeks, I've finally reached my goal and lost 10 lbs. My sister got jealous about me losing weight, and told my parents and coworkers that I'm anorexic. Hello, intervention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 165

You deserved it 3 105

08/11/2010 10:55 - Turkey

Today, my cat learned how to flush the toilet while I was in the shower. His transformation from cute kitten to pure evil entity is now complete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 777

You deserved it 5 962

07/12/2009 09:30 - United States

Today, a friend of mine and I were talking about how hygienic we are. She mentioned she hadn't shaved her downstairs in a while. I was looking at the computer when she said this so when I turned to look at her I saw she had pulled down her pants and underwear. I was face to face with hairy muff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 611

You deserved it 4 062

19/12/2011 00:10 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I fainted due to the excitement. He took it as a "no" and won't pick up my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 411

You deserved it 4 409

Erm, thanks, I guess

By HeatedHeat - 29/03/2021 11:00

Today, I went to a store to buy a 43-inch TV that was on sale. The sale was so good that they sold out on the floor. I went to guest services and asked the employee if they had any in the back. She literally went to the back of the room, let out this god awful fart, came back out and said, “Sorry, we don’t.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 332

01/08/2009 14:08 - Australia

Today, I gave my mother a pre-prepared deposit envelope with my fortnightly wage in it, in cash. I tell her exactly where the deposit box is and what to do. I'm now desperately calling the bank because my mother accidentely put my $1200 deposit in the little trash can for receipts under the ATM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 787

You deserved it 13 882

04/10/2012 03:14 - United States - Allendale

Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 443

You deserved it 33 958

Get the hell out of Dodge

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 20:02

Today, I realized I'm happier and life is better when my husband isn't around. He isn't abusive, just lazy and uninvolved. We have young kids and I don't know how to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 224

You deserved it 225

26/02/2014 20:55 - United States

Today, as I tried to get out of bed, I got my foot tangled in my sheets. I reached out to my dresser to avoid falling flat on my face. I didn't fall, but I did manage to smash my fingers in the drawer while still trapped in the sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 505

You deserved it 4 845

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Top comments

Mungolikecandy 19

Monday 8 July 2019 8:49

You can do something about that you know.

MidnaLink 33

Send a private message

Monday 8 July 2019 6:25

Yeah… and?

Comments

MidnaLink 33

Send a private message

Monday 8 July 2019 6:25

Yeah… and?

Mungolikecandy 19

Monday 8 July 2019 8:49

You can do something about that you know.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Monday 8 July 2019 14:15

Yeah, she needs to get a boob job!

Mungolikecandy 19

Monday 8 July 2019 17:37

That is indeed one option but Lola Ferrari style boob jobs are not healthy.

Henry8cooper 15

Send a private message

Monday 8 July 2019 15:58

To grow unattractive together secures a happy marriage forever - or at it least provides mutual confidence that noone will want the other 🤗

merican_redneck4 11

Send a private message

Monday 8 July 2019 17:22

Nothing wrong with that just more comfortable while cuddling

1gullible_bugger 33

Send a private message

Monday 8 July 2019 20:49

That's a common trend in North America.haha But now, you're more aware of it and can fix it if you're so inclined.

toxicMadame 7

Send a private message

Thursday 11 July 2019 6:55

At least he was gentle and caring

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 38

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 489