The Top

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Awkward conversation ahead

By Anonymous - 19/12/2021 23:01

Today, for the last two years of trying for a baby, my wife has been secretly still on the pill and takes a morning after pill every time we had sex. Funny, I thought we both wanted a baby, so I guess she doesn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 829

You deserved it 244

Skidmarks

By smelly asses - 17/09/2020 07:50

Today, my husband and my daughter engaged in a fart war. Guess who go to do a pile of shitty laundry, while the other texted his friends about the “hilarious” incident? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 223

By Ouchmybum - 03/11/2018 12:00

Today, whilst out on a walk with the dogs, I decided to explore a different part of the woods. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my bum. Then another. And another. I realised it was wasps and ran. I've been stung 11 times and have to go back tomorrow for the coat I dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 590

You deserved it 246

Signs

By hilaryinbetween - 14/10/2020 11:01 - United States

Today, my supervisor at work was talking about suicide prevention and how to recognize the signs of distress in coworkers. I realized that I exhibit almost all of those signs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 120

Firehose

By PissingMeOff - 16/10/2020 13:55 - United Kingdom - Durham

Today, I found out that my boyfriend pees in the shower. This would've been OK if he was peeing into the drain. Instead, he pees on the shampoo and soap bottles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 146

Keys, how do they work?

By Anonymous - 19/10/2020 01:56

Today, I had to call a locksmith because I got locked out of my apartment. It cost a total of $350 to break in and repair the lock. Not even 3 hours later, I dropped my only key in the sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 839

Relationship goals

By Anonymous - 08/04/2023 00:00

Today, I'm thinking about cheating on my fiancée with someone who will actually love me, not control me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 1 327

By JulietMarie - 18/12/2018 03:00

Today, I met my older sister's cute male roommate. Everything was going smoothly until he asked if I was her mother. I’m only 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 408

You deserved it 230

Bigmouth Strikes Again

By Mr. FootInMouth - 23/11/2020 07:56

Today, I learned that my brother has been secretly married to his girlfriend for over a year. That means that during Christmas break, when I told him that she was a "toxic bitch" and that he should leave her before she drags him down with her, they had already been married for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 484

By Anonymous - 04/07/2019 06:00 - Canada

Today, I was so zoned-out, I shouted a hello to the chair in the staff room. It's the third time today I've mistaken an inanimate object for a person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 298

You deserved it 542

On a promise

By Brian - 12/05/2026 20:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my girlfriend invited me to her apartment for "Taco Tuesday date night", saying that she had "homemade tacos." She actually made homemade tacos for us to eat for dinner. Oh, and she was on her period. Fantasy ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 484

The betrayal

By Anonymous - 14/02/2022 16:01

Today, like an idiot, I accidentally included stuff I learned from snooping in my daughter's secret diary during a conversation with her. She's not happy at me right now, so I may have to polish off my old grovelling skills from when I was still married to her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 2 544

Join the club

By Anonymous - 01/01/2021 04:56 - United States - Montpelier

Today, for the first time in 8 months, I got laid and it was amazing. Unfortunately, it's kicked my latent sex drive into hyperdrive. Best part? No idea when I might have sex again, so apparently I just have to live with being ragingly horny for the foreseeable future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 574

You deserved it 416

Should I snitch or should I go?

By Anne - 12/04/2022 14:00

Today, ever since he got out of jail, my brother thinks it's hilarious to use the skills other inmates taught him to break into my house, setting up pranks, or watching tv and waiting for me to get home. It's mostly harmless, but it is still majorly pissing me off. Should I call the cops if he continues? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 196

You deserved it 141

By Anonymous - 27/03/2017 22:00

Today, at my engagement party, I overheard my future father-in-law saying he was happy his son was marrying "the dumb, pretty one" because all the "smart ones" he dated at university were "nerds with small tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 641

You deserved it 414

Compassion

By Anemity_is_my_name - 07/01/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I'm exhausted and sore from a long night of pulling semis out of the snow. My wife is pissed because I want to sleep, instead of be with her. Every time I drift off, she starts doing things like loudly unloading the dishwasher or standing by our bedroom door talking loudly on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 552

You deserved it 96

Road safety

By Anonymous - 03/03/2022 14:00 - United States - Nashville

Today, while driving to work, some asshole stopped sharply on the 60 mph highway because he almost hit the car in front of him. Even with maintaining my distance, and slamming on the brakes, I still ruined the front end of my car on his dented bumper. I haven't even had the car for a year, and I'm still the one at fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 1 049

The straights are at it again

By Anonymous - 17/06/2023 12:00

Today, I came out to my parents. My mother laughed and, when I asked her what was so funny, she told me, "Well, most gays are attractive, muscular, funny and can dress very well. You're ugly, fat, boring, and have no sense of fashion. Good luck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 306

Freaky

By Marie - 20/01/2021 05:01

Today, I have been finding long black hairs all over my bathroom. My hair is short and blonde, and I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 86

WTF does that even mean?

By Betrayed - 16/03/2022 16:00

Today, my coworker, who I thought was my “friend,” threw me under the bus and showed my boss all the texts I'd sent talking shit about her. I was sacked. I confronted him and told him I thought we were friends. He replied, “The mouse is friend of the cheese, it doesn’t mean he’s not gonna eat it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 1 013

By Anonymous - 17/05/2019 03:00

Today, my boyfriend's 16-year-old daughter got a job. I'm 29, with a Master's degree and I'm still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 759

You deserved it 623

My name is Pica…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my dog ate so much toilet paper that she can probably wipe herself from the inside out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 136

You deserved it 467

Get better friends

By Anonymous - 15/05/2022 00:01

Today, after years of being too self-conscious to do anything big with my appearance, I finally got an undercut. My best friend went on a rant about how I "ruined" how I look and now she can't be seen with me, because we "look mismatched together." Looks like I'm back to being self-conscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 143

Risky business

By Anonymous - 25/05/2019 06:13

Today, I called in sick to my job. I'm already on shaky ground there, but I was honestly sick. I happened to call in during the mandatory departmental meeting. Apparently, I was supposed to go in a half-hour early. I called in thirty minutes late, during a required meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 587

You deserved it 1 192

Treat yourself

By Reggie - 12/05/2017 12:00

Today, it was the first sunny spring day that I had off from work. I spent the morning making a picnic lunch and took my girlfriend to a beautiful spot overlooking the lake. I did not count on a bird flying by with perfect poop aim as soon as we spread out the food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 700

You deserved it 241

Send help!

By Anonymous - 30/05/2019 20:00 - India - Pune

Today, I've managed to lock myself in my own bedroom. It won't open no matter what I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 391

Walking stereotype over here

By Anonymous - 23/07/2023 10:00

Today, I realized my father-in-law is basically Ron Swanson, when at a barbecue he ate some of my daughter's vegan sausages by mistake. When I told him they were vegan, he went to the bathroom, forced himself to throw them up, then sat and demolished 4 burgers, 8 sausages, and 6 chicken thighs, "LIKE A REAL MAN!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 253

By happybirthday2me - 19/06/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, it's my 25th birthday, I celebrated it by cooking my favourite meal for my parents and sister, while they watched TV and house-hunted for my sister. I have yet to hear a happy birthday, receive a card, a present or a phone call. Oh, and my parents are on a diet, so they complained my cooking wasn’t "on their plan." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 170

You deserved it 192

Scarcity

By Niniva - 01/03/2021 14:01 - United States - Dahlonega

Today, after several hours, two pharmacies, several bus rides, $20, and many phone calls, I returned home. Guess who still doesn't have a glucose monitor? Yup, I have to go do this all again tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 106

Are you all OK?

By Anonymous - 19/01/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, TikTok got banned. It was my place for when I’m bored. I’m literally crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 1 037

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 806

You deserved it 2 819

Today, I found out that my wife is having an affair with the same guy my ex-wife left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 422

You deserved it 6 146

Today, I went to visit my aunt who recently was released from an institution. She had leftover Christmas cookies so I began snacking on them. They tasted a bit off so I inquired about the ingredients. She told me they only had white icing so she used Crayola markers to give them color. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 642

You deserved it 5 833

Today, I went to withdraw 200 dollars. At the ATM, I noticed a suspicious man standing really close to me. I was nervous about entering my pin number, and worried he was looking at my account information. In my panic, I got all the way home before realizing that I'd left the cash in the machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 606

You deserved it 83 486

Today, on my building site, I asked one of the guys to pass me a screwdriver. He threw it so hard that when I caught it, it stabbed into the meat of my finger and came clean out the other side. Now all the guys keep joking I got royally screwed. The jokes are worse than the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 123

Today, I realized my marriage is over. I was in labor with our first child and my husband acted like being there with me in the hospital was a chore. However, he saw a young nurse and his mood did a 180. He left soon before I gave birth because he “got hungry.” All of this and he STILL has no clue why I’m upset with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 181