Today, I realized my father-in-law is basically Ron Swanson, when at a barbecue he ate some of my daughter's vegan sausages by mistake. When I told him they were vegan, he went to the bathroom, forced himself to throw them up, then sat and demolished 4 burgers, 8 sausages, and 6 chicken thighs, "LIKE A REAL MAN!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, even though I told my son I had vegan burgers for him, he brought enough vegan food for everyone at a barbecue, and tried to get everyone to try it. Not one person ate a damn bit of it, and he’s now crying, all while blocking our drive with his car. FML
Today, I've been a vegan for a year. It's also the day that I met my dad's new best friend, who happens to be a retired butcher. They tried to pull an intervention on me for not "being sensible" by eating meat. FML
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML
Today, I fed my husband a vegan beef burger so I could show him that it tastes exactly the same when he didn’t notice. He noticed on the first bite and spat it across the kitchen because he thought the meat had expired before I cooked it, and tasted disgusting. FML
Today, I got dragged along to a family dinner. Some idiot invited my douchebag vegan uncle, who spent half the night making condescending remarks and lecturing us on how disgusting it was to have steak on offer at the table. A fistfight eventually erupted, and the cops were called. FML
Today I watched my 90 year-old father-in-law's friend dip an entire piece of bread into her wine glass, swish it around with her fork, and then eat it. In a restaurant. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, my family dragged me to a steakhouse, knowing full well I'm vegan. I sat there, with my sad little salad, watching as they stuffed themselves with burned animal flesh and laughed at me. They wonder why I hate them all. FML
Today, my vegan step-mom found out I ate at McDonald's yesterday. She gave me hell and asked me how it feels to give money to "murderers". All while my dad sat quietly by because he's too whipped to speak his mind. It wasn't even her house a month ago. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Anderling 33
If your masculinity is so fragile as to nearly shatter after eating vegan stuff one (1) time, that might just be your problem.
TeaTimeAbyss 22
Get a heart disease to own the libs.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (8)
Gubbon 17
Does he realize many of the foods he eats are vegan? Fruits, vegetables, bread, ... And he can drink water without throwing up, can't he?
xaddrus 17
why eat fake meat when you can eat real meat. do you often eat gluten free bread?
Gubbon 17
Sure, but that's a different question. Ethics, ecologics, and so on. But the point here is that there's no reason to be grossed out if something does *not* contain meat.
Anderling 33
If your masculinity is so fragile as to nearly shatter after eating vegan stuff one (1) time, that might just be your problem.
Hangryko 32
I can't stand Ron Swanson. I'm so sorry your father is him personified.
TeaTimeAbyss 22
Get a heart disease to own the libs.
Charlie Given 28
You should **** with his fragile masculinity and misogyny by telling him it's too late now you're gay there's nothing you can do about it 😂 that'll really make his fragile masculinity shatter.
ellebell70 1
Every time you cook for him you must use vegan items. Without telling him.
ellebell70 1
Personally every time I’d cook for him I’d used some vegan components in my dishes. And non alcoholic beverages. But that’s just me.
Gubbon 17
I mean, it's basically impossible to not use vegan components in cooking anyway. Water, salt, sugar, greens, ...