Intimacy, Health, Sex and Gun control: Bullet control - FML

Bullet control

By Anonymous - 28/03/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, after I was shot in the hip years ago and the doctors left the bullet inside, they damn well better remove the bullet now because over the last 10 years, it's moved enough to start compressing a nerve, so now my penis is numb to all sensation, and I can’t get a boner anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 909

You deserved it 138

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Same thing different taste

Tough one

By Anonymous - 11/11/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, after I recently jabbed in the spine by a nail, cracking the bone and causing some spinal cord damage, I can now still walk, but I'm now incapable of getting an erection, potentially forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 948

You deserved it 86

Broken

By Anonymous - 25/08/2020 01:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I recently got out of hospital after suffering a bad head injury. My doctor warned me I might have localised skin numbness, and it turns out I do. In my penis. Can’t feel a thing down there. We discovered this in bed, where nothing could get a rise out of me because it was completely dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 221

You deserved it 167

By Anonymous - 17/05/2011 10:06 - Finland

Spicy

Today, I got a boner in the MRI machine while my pelvic bone was being scanned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 879

You deserved it 8 257

Life hack

By Anonymous - 29/04/2023 15:00

Spicy

Today, I discovered that when they remove your cancerous prostate, your penis will shrink by the exact length of the removed prostate back up into your body. So not only do I now need pills to get a boner, my boner has shrunk from a respectable 5 inches to just under 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 293

You deserved it 157

Physical reaction

By Anonymous - 15/04/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, I woke up from surgery with nurses all giggling at me. I asked them what was wrong, and apparently I’m now famous as the guy who kept getting boners every 10 minutes, until finally the surgeon used surgical tape to stick it to my thigh to keep it out out of his way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 081

You deserved it 217

Just you wait!

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 00:00

Today, after surgery on my penis, I’m on drugs to prevent erections. My girlfriend now thinks it’s hilarious to walk around naked, bend over in front of me, and do other sexy stuff, because she knows I can’t do anything to her and it’s killing me. In three weeks, her ass is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 236

Warts and all

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff - United States - Anchorage

Today, I woke up from surgery to find that the chronic warts on my right hand hadn't been removed. The doctor informed me that they'd grown into my radial nerve, so impossible to remove without permanent paralysis. My immune system sucks, so this is just in my hand forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 324

You deserved it 335

By Anonymous - 05/12/2018 21:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today me and my boyfriend were in an adventurous sexual position and as I started to orgasm he slipped, landed awkwardly and dislocated both my hips, while I was in the middle of an orgasm. Somehow the pleasure of the orgasm made the pain worse. I don't think I'll ever want sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 700

You deserved it 436

Tough

By prostate - 08/06/2009 13:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got prostate examination for the first time. Now I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I got a boner when the doctor inserted his finger, or the fact that my wife told the story to pretty much everybody we know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 387

You deserved it 7 049

By usarmywife - 17/04/2017 02:00

Spicy

Today, at the ripe old age of 27, I dislocated my hip while making love to my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 166

You deserved it 596

Next

Top comments

core01 30

Tuesday 29 March 2022 4:21

Im weirdly invested in the outcome now

SirEnigM0nk 22

Tuesday 29 March 2022 2:30

Damn dude, they pulled a real boner on you!

Comments

SirEnigM0nk 22

Tuesday 29 March 2022 2:30

Damn dude, they pulled a real boner on you!

core01 30

Tuesday 29 March 2022 4:21

Im weirdly invested in the outcome now

CowgirlWithHeart 15

Wednesday 30 March 2022 22:16

Oof this is a legit FML, good luck to you OP, I hope they're able to get it sorted out!

Keywords

Health Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Fight Family Kids Love Relatable Students Work Noise Animals Birds Sleep Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Relationship advice Cheating Pregnancy Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Revenge Food Cats

The Top

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys… a big black rubber cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 225

You deserved it 6 962

Today, I asked out a girl I’ve been hanging out with for a few months. She said, “That’s kind of gross.” When I asked her about, it she said, “My friends will think you’re creepy” followed by, “You’re not actually a creep, they say you look like one.” I groom myself every day like a normal person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 101

The Top

Today, during my second day as a receptionist, every time the phone rang I jumped in shock. My co-workers now already think I'm weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 619

You deserved it 27 995

Today, I shat a magnet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 678

You deserved it 35 742

Today, I attended a virtual meeting on Zoom. In an effort to appear professional, I wore a business shirt and tie… with my pajama bottoms out of shot under the table. My camera slipped, revealing my mismatched clothes and also my footwear – one sock and one fuzzy slipper. I only noticed after my boss pointed it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 526

Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 037

You deserved it 8 832

Today, the guy that I've recently became close to texted me, wanting to hook up. He's very cute and I was definitely interested, so I agreed. The drive to his house lasted longer than the actual sex. He lives less than five minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 723

You deserved it 4 907

Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 421

You deserved it 60 256