By Bec99 - 19/4/2020 17:00

Spotted

Today, the pimples on my face are finally clearing up. They seem to have migrated to my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1520

You deserved it

125

Favorite

Creepy

Time for the ER

Ambien conversations are the worst

By well fuck! - 14/8/2019 22:00

Today, I was grocery shopping with my kids. As I was buckling them into their car seats, two men jumped out of a truck, hoisted my cart and sped off. According to security, this has become a regular occurrence at the store. My entire month of groceries gone in seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2068

You deserved it

114

Favorite

By Ugh - 12/7/2019 04:00

Today, I was on the bus. I have a phobia of babies crying, and recently, whenever I've been on a long journey, there's been one and I've had an anxiety attack. There were no babies on this bus, just an old lady showing her friend videos of her screaming grandchild. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1473

You deserved it

424

Favorite

By Kate - 7/3/2009 18:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

65553

You deserved it

8219

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 08:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over with a broken engraved bracelet that I paid 50 dollars for. I was so angry but when I stated "I am going to call them and get a new one!" my boyfriend said back to me "No it's okay, I didn't really like it anyways." It was for our 2 year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22972

You deserved it

15116

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/4/2013 04:00 - United States - New York

Today, I had to explain to a woman why she wasn't allowed to squeeze all the contents of the sample lotion bottle into her own bottle. She threw a fit, and dumped the whole bottle on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47185

You deserved it

4057

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/9/2019 20:00

Head, meet wall

Today, while joking and chatting with a coworker on my way to the bathroom, I misjudged the distance to the entrance and slammed my head into the wall. My coworker told everyone. So now I'm funny, but not for the reason I wanted to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1181

You deserved it

254

Favorite

By ishouldhidethekeys - 4/11/2009 08:44 - United Kingdom

Today, my son thought he'd take my new car for a drive without permission. He accelerated straight into a tree, reversed into a lamppost and then accelerated again into the neighbours car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39828

You deserved it

4710

Favorite

By thatguy - 28/10/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, I learned that girls don't like it when you pass out from carrying them to the bed. What they DO like, is telling all their friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33122

You deserved it

9149

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 23:39 - United States

Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35498

You deserved it

19751

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/12/2019 01:00

Looking for another one!

Today, I finally got a Christmas gift, a calligraphy set, for my father that I have been looking for for a month. My dad came home happily with the same calligraphy set today, saying that he surprised himself for Christmas. He got it cheaper than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2011

You deserved it

135

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/3/2011 01:52 - United States

Today, I was telling my students that it's unnecessary to put arrows on the bottom of the page to tell me there's work on the back, I check it anyway. At the end of the day, at least 6 kids came up to me asking to change their grade because I forgot to grade the back. They hadn't put arrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8699

You deserved it

63412

Favorite

By insurgent - 3/5/2016 08:31 - Belgium - Antwerpen

Today, I'm so lonely, I wrote my number on a desk at my university, hoping someone would text me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12460

You deserved it

2025

Favorite

By neverhealthy - 1/10/2019 02:01

Which toppings?

Today, I read that food cravings are only supposed to last a couple of minutes. I have been craving and dreaming about pizza for a month straight, and the urge is only getting stronger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1174

You deserved it

203

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/1/2012 14:07 - Canada

Today, I am 8 weeks pregnant. I have debilitating 'morning sickness' all day. And now I get to add peeing my pants every time I throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31561

You deserved it

4948

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/9/2019 16:01

Checked out

Today, at work, an old lady was staring at my crotch a lot. I looked down, thinking maybe I had an open fly. I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1289

You deserved it

140

Favorite

By candice - 1/11/2011 09:09 - Reserved

Today, I had to tell all the trick-or-treaters that I'd run out of candy. I'd actually bought about $50 worth of candy, but managed to eat all of it by myself, sitting alone in my apartment, exactly like last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14486

You deserved it

46441

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/8/2020 23:01 - United States

Say my name, say my name

Today, after being unemployed for over four months, I got a call from a company I've wanted to work for for over 2 years. After they were about to set up an interview, they called me by a different name. After correcting them, they hung up on me. Turns out they had the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1907

You deserved it

113

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/3/2014 18:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went on a date with a girl my friend set me up with. I thought we got along great, until after dessert, when I asked if she'd be interested in doing this again. She just said, "Nahhh" then got up and casually left, stiffing me on the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48407

You deserved it

5484

Favorite

By lyss - 16/11/2018 10:30 - United States - New Prague

Today, my 4-year-old daughter asked me when I was going to be skinny like her daycare lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2474

You deserved it

340

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/7/2020 02:00

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

Today, I was told by Amazon that a belt I had ordered was arriving. I grabbed an Amazon package out of the mailbox without even checking who the package was addressed to. I now have an awkward apology ahead of me for opening my stepbrother's box of condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

564

You deserved it

1485

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 23:10 - Australia

Today, I got fired. By my father. He wants me to drive him to work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35542

You deserved it

3566

Favorite

By The Lone Ranger - 5/10/2010 07:43 - United States

Today, I was given a $25 gift certificate for being Employee Of The Week. The gift certificate was 6 months past its expiration date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33066

You deserved it

2819

Favorite

By emoney - 19/5/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks

77919

You deserved it

3649

Favorite

By Me - 20/6/2011 16:14 - United States

Today, I finally went to the bathroom after being constipated for two days. The good news? I lost two pounds. The bad news? The toilet won't flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39394

You deserved it

5586

Favorite

By whippingpost - 8/3/2020 04:56

Drunken lout

Today, I learned a co-worker called and awoke my boss at 3 a.m. to complain that I'd been "rude" to him. All I'd done was make a disapproving face because he'd been drinking and he was slobbering drunk, and wanted to charge his purchase to his employee account, a definite no-no when not on the clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1415

You deserved it

103

Favorite

By "Boyufd" - 19/1/2019 12:00

Today, I almost got arrested. The cops put me in handcuffs without searching me first and told me that I "matched" the description of a package thief. Turns out, I didn't even closely fit the description of the suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2444

You deserved it

117

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/8/2009 04:10 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower outside at my fiancé's beach house. I was struggling to take my bikini bottoms off so I started to walk backwards to step out of it. Little did I know that I had pushed the door open. My fiancé, his family, and my family all saw me bend over naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38406

You deserved it

8556

Favorite

By stonehengeva - 27/7/2015 03:00 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29695

You deserved it

1740

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/10/2011 19:54 - Denmark

Today, I realized that trying to fit in with my crush's social circle by acting like one of the lads was a waste of time. All he does is high-five me all the time and tell me every little detail of his latest one night stands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17297

You deserved it

27791

Favorite

By Trey - 19/11/2011 01:58 - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27419

You deserved it

3297

Favorite

By bingalingading - 30/3/2015 20:46 - United States - Owosso

Today, I was working at a donation center. I was having a really rough day, so my fiancée dropped me off some cookies. At the end of my shift, the manager told me I couldn't take them home because they were donated and therefore they were "company property." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31370

You deserved it

2154

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/11/2009 02:43 - United States

Today, I sat right next to the door on the bus. When I went to get up, a man tripped and pushed me down the exit door stairs. I fell down and legitimately broke my ankle. While tending to my ankle, the bus doors closed and my backpack with my laptop, notes and calculator drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39760

You deserved it

2356

Favorite

By say no to dick - 18/4/2014 22:56 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33657

You deserved it

43422

Favorite

By AtheistLookingforRoomie - 12/1/2017 22:00

Today, I had a meeting with a potential roommate to rent a 2/2 space and it was going well. We laughed, joked, and seemed to get along and want the same things. At the end of the conversation, however, he said he needed to "pray" about his decision to room with an atheist. This probably won't work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6169

You deserved it

1470

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/2/2014 18:11 - United States

Today, a guy drove straight into an intersection, running a stop sign and narrowly missing my car. I had to swerve into a snow bank to avoid him. He stopped long enough to see that I had a toddler in my car, before flipping me off and driving away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48209

You deserved it

3631

Favorite

By princeronron - 8/9/2015 02:02 - Switzerland - Prilly

Today, I spilled the bowl of cat food I'd just filled. I picked it all up in front of my cat, but he refused to eat any of it. I had to put the food back into the packet and fill the bowl all over again. My cat is a prince. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25590

You deserved it

5983

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/7/2012 19:04 - Norway - Rakkestad

Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30193

You deserved it

8300

Favorite

By sierra808 - 31/5/2009 09:43 - United States

Today, I was walking the beach and I saw my crush walking towards me. I was thinking about what I was going to do while playing with my top that ties in the front. I decided that I was just going to smile. When we got closer to each other I smiled and waved as I put my hand up it untied my top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40418

You deserved it

17467

Favorite

By kill me - 31/1/2009 15:30 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and while trying to make a dramatic exit, I slammed his car door, slipped on the ice and landed on my back in front of a large crowd of onlookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25075

You deserved it

8722

Favorite

By MathTeacher - 2/5/2011 14:30 - United States

Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25003

You deserved it

45970

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By cacheson | 41

#7899013 - Sunday 19 April 2020 18:33

At least they’re generally less visible? Maybe do a nightly butt soak...

By RichardPencil | 28

#7899003 - Sunday 19 April 2020 17:25

Pics or it's fake!

No wait, on second thought, keep your photos. I don't want to see your pimply ass!

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7899003 - Sunday 19 April 2020 17:25

Pics or it's fake!

No wait, on second thought, keep your photos. I don't want to see your pimply ass!

By cacheson | 41

#7899013 - Sunday 19 April 2020 18:33

At least they’re generally less visible? Maybe do a nightly butt soak...

By ftpallday666 | 14

#7899215 - Monday 20 April 2020 10:52

I get them too. You need to wear cotton and breathable fabric otherwise the heat builds up and sweat fucks up ur shit

By Auburn_flame | 8

#7899473 - Tuesday 21 April 2020 5:26

a benzoyl peroxide wash and topical might help. I get them on my back and butt from working out. its really annoying but still very common

By mcsmee | 5

#7899678 - Tuesday 21 April 2020 22:28

Makes it a bit harder to stand in front of the mirror popping zits.

By Reiss Mikula | 4

#7899937 - Wednesday 22 April 2020 23:10

ass pimples can be cute