By Bec99 - 19/4/2020 17:00

Spotted

Today, the pimples on my face are finally clearing up. They seem to have migrated to my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1531

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A saint

Social media was a mistake

Mystery

By Fmylife - United States

Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9241

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120668

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By Anonymous - Russian Federation

Today, the two and a half hours it took our poorly air conditioned taxi to go 20 miles in stop-and-go traffic was highlighted by our son projectile vomiting all over my wife, a suitcase, and the car. It ended with me having to pay both for the ride, as well as for cleaning the inside of the taxi. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41251

You deserved it

3191

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By TNDriver - United States - Jackson

Today, I was about to make a left turn. In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting for the light to change. On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!" I gave her a honk and waved. She leaned out and yelled, "The light's red, asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49987

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15024

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By cactii - United States

Today, I accidentally crashed my mom's car into my dad's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35347

You deserved it

14365

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By Pissed - United States - Asheville

Today, I purposefully spilt my 44oz. cup of water on myself at work, because spending the rest of the day in soaking wet pants was less embarrassing than letting people know I'd pissed myself. FML

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12239

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2914

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By Kathryn - Belgium

Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11372

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40999

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By astraboy - Australia

Today, I spent 3 hours making a birthday card for my boyfriend, delicately cutting each letter out of printed coloured paper. He used it as a coffee coaster. FML

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50072

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8497

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By miji

Today, for the fifth time in a row, my parents tried to discuss my pooping habits with me at the dinner table. This time, we had guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2795

You deserved it

175

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By secenteenmagazine. - Canada

Today, I was happy because my exact shirt and sweater were in seventeen magazine. They were in the "what not to wear" category. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39126

You deserved it

13385

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while using a portable restroom at the park, I discovered all too late that some very hostile and territorial hornets had made it their home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25279

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1730

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to pick up my little brother from his friend's house. When I got there, he ran off screaming that he didn't know me. His friend's parents believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46874

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By Anonymous

Today, while volunteering at my local library, a guy who smelled like crap followed me around all day. Every time I would bend over to shelf a book, he would start grunting. Apparently, he's going to be at the library every day. FML

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1856

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By nothing like tasty asshole - United States - Shelbyville

Just ignore it!

Today, trying to be nice, I sent a text to my mother-in-law saying that I couldn't wait to have her delicious casserole tonight. Only after sending, I realized that "casserole" had auto corrected to "asshole". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2714

You deserved it

555

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By Optimus_Prime97 - United States

Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13896

You deserved it

31707

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By soon to be unemployed - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my boss let me know that I'm being laid off, via a text message that ended in "lmao". FML

I agree, your life sucks

50585

You deserved it

3930

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By lonleystoner91 - France

Today, my girlfriend of 2 months decided to wrestle with my younger brother. He has gotten more action than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31954

You deserved it

7615

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By kitty - Australia

Today, I watched my neighbor shake cat food calling, "Come here Mollie" at his back door. I then saw my own cat run into his house. I now know why my cat is so fat and never replies to me calling her Bonnie. I guess I'm being cheated on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29741

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2989

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By gotta euthanize em all - Canada

Today, while at work, I had to spend an hour and a half on the phone, listening to an old lady relive her entire day in excruciating detail. We're not allowed to hang up on customers, and she was extremely quick to dismiss all my attempts to steer the call back on topic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32768

You deserved it

3678

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By unsurprised - United States

Today, I visited my friend in a nasty part of town. When I saw the shattered window of the car next to me, and the missing stereo, I moved my car to a safer location. Luckily, though, I have a common car, so the thieves were able to jimmy the lock and steal my stereo without making any noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25654

You deserved it

3202

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By yuckspider - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73184

You deserved it

7612

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By gkline09 - United States

Today, I walked out to my car to see a broken window, a bunch of stuff missing, egg shells, and a note that read "stop banging my boyfriend". I haven't had anyone in over a year. FML

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60956

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3061

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By driver - New Zealand

Today, I went to start my truck that I had parked in my driveway after a longhaul. The fuel gauge indicated I had a full tank. I didn't fill up. My neighbours' son decided to fill the tank with water with a hose. 150 litres worth on top of diesel. His dad's response: "Kids eh, what ya gonna do?" FML

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40475

You deserved it

2629

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By copmagnet - United States

Today, I got a $200 bonus at work and was super excited about getting a plane ticket to see my family. On the way back from work I got a $300 speeding ticket. FML

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12467

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43301

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By Anonymous

Today, my brother threw a mug at my head and threatened to stab anybody who came at him because I woke him up for school. I called the police after threats were thrown at my mom, who then lied to them and said I overreacted. I'm currently getting the silent treatment from my family. FML

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3168

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By Noname - United States

Today, while at the dinner table, my grandmother told me she backed over a cat. FML

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34089

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4435

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By TragicallyAnxious

Today, I had a draft paper due that I hadn’t written yet. I decided to skip the class to avoid embarrassment. Later, I went to change my major and was told to go to room 223 to talk to the English department head. I knocked on the door and the professor whose class I'd skipped answered. FML

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572

You deserved it

2330

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By ARGHHHH

Today, my mom ordered my birthday presents on eBay. Too bad she used my account, so when I went to look for ideas, everything she bought me popped up. It's so much stuff I don't want, need, or will ever use, and it's on my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3333

You deserved it

326

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By disney_dick - United States - Mims

Today, my boyfriend asked me to try humming during a blow job. He seemed to like it at first, but apparently "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan wasn't a good choice. He still isn't speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4827

You deserved it

1959

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By edhalen - United States

Today, I pulled over to help a girl with her car. I thought my limited mechanic skills would help look like a hero. She only needed her coolant cap unscrewed. With top down, shirt off, I was confident as I got out of my car. 10 minutes later I left because I couldn't unscrew the f***ing thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13937

You deserved it

64158

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29261

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3152

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By some things never change - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, after almost four years of having avoided her due to her hatred of my husband, my mother invited us both to a family dinner. My husband wanted to give her another chance, so we went. Less than an hour after arriving, I caught her hocking a loogie and spitting it into our food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30395

You deserved it

1962

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By Vehophobic - 21/9/2020 07:05 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Not a car person

Today, my grandfather called me for the first time since lockdown. Just like the last 3 times we spoke, he tried to pressure me into learning to drive, despite my making it clear that it absolutely terrifies me. He won't stop asking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

778

You deserved it

616

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By Richard

Today, my friends and I were kicked out of a Red Robin after the manager told us that our server accused us of making "sexually suggestive gestures" towards her. The gesture in question was the circle game. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2037

You deserved it

1405

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By ugh - United States - Troy

Today, I woke up from an explicit dream involving my dentist. I'm scheduled for a conscious sedation appointment with him in two hours and I'm terrified of what I might say or do while I'm under. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31972

You deserved it

3362

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By Sammylad - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a talk in class, when halfway through someone pointed out that my pubes were sticking out my trousers. FML

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30827

You deserved it

15274

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By purplefuzz - United States - Savannah

Today, my grandma posted an embarrassing childhood photo on my school's events page. I told her everyone could see it, and asked if she could take it down. She freaked and commented on it, apologizing for posting it. Now I feel guilty for embarrassing her, and it's still on the page. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20265

You deserved it

2563

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By tomandjerry - United States

Today, I was scolding my 8 year old son because he was getting bad grades in school. I told him that he should get straight A's like his friend Ceejay. He told me that comparing him to Ceejay was unfair and when I asked why he said, "Because his dad is actually smart." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19855

You deserved it

66057

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By loser - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my guy friends actually hang out with me at my house all the time is because they think my mom is hot. FML

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27403

You deserved it

2506

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By kris - United States - Upland

Today, not even a week after I was laid off from my job, I got a call from my old boss. He offered me a "new" job at the company, which turned out to be just like my old one, but with drastically reduced pay. I'm so broke and desperate that I accepted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42573

You deserved it

4295

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By MBoomer

Today, I found a great parking spot but I wasn't sure if it was restricted by any means or of I could just park there for free. I asked a police officer walking by and he told me it was alright, only to come back 4 hours later to find a ticket on my windshield. FML

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11317

You deserved it

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Top comments

By cacheson | 41

#7899013 - Sunday 19 April 2020 18:33

At least they’re generally less visible? Maybe do a nightly butt soak...

By RichardPencil | 29

#7899003 - Sunday 19 April 2020 17:25

Pics or it's fake!

No wait, on second thought, keep your photos. I don't want to see your pimply ass!

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7899003 - Sunday 19 April 2020 17:25

Pics or it's fake!

No wait, on second thought, keep your photos. I don't want to see your pimply ass!

By cacheson | 41

#7899013 - Sunday 19 April 2020 18:33

At least they’re generally less visible? Maybe do a nightly butt soak...

By ftpallday666 | 16

#7899215 - Monday 20 April 2020 10:52

I get them too. You need to wear cotton and breathable fabric otherwise the heat builds up and sweat fucks up ur shit

By Auburn_flame | 8

#7899473 - Tuesday 21 April 2020 5:26

a benzoyl peroxide wash and topical might help. I get them on my back and butt from working out. its really annoying but still very common

By mcsmee | 5

#7899678 - Tuesday 21 April 2020 22:28

Makes it a bit harder to stand in front of the mirror popping zits.

By Reiss Mikula | 4

#7899937 - Wednesday 22 April 2020 23:10

ass pimples can be cute