Health: Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3...

By OCDrunk - 23/11/2011 06:40 - Australia

Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3 hours making sure that the books on my shelves were straight. I thought that being drunk was supposed to be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 963

You deserved it 9 885

Health

Mother of the year

Haircut, haiiiiiirccuuuuuut

Kids will be kids

By mathgenius - 08/10/2013 19:17 - Norway - Kolltveit

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 600

You deserved it 3 698

By thesparrow - 06/02/2009 21:24 - United States

Today, the girl whom I have loved for 4 years told me that she loved me too and would like to spend her life with me. This was before she told me that God did not want us to be together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 468

You deserved it 2 362

By thanks_world - 26/12/2013 06:48 - United States - Everett

Today, nothing said Christmas quite like my dad taking 18 shots of vodka, falling on the Christmas tree while holding our 3-year-old cousin and denying it ever happened when he woke up later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 298

You deserved it 3 140

By Festivaler - 13/07/2013 07:14 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I was at a music festival, and my mum had told me not to to drink. Someone threw a cup of beer at me, and I was worried about smelling of alcohol. It's okay though, because a second cup of urine took the alcohol smell right away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 139

You deserved it 4 421

Shiny shiny

By me! - 25/03/2021 17:01

Today, my 8-year-old daughter came home from school, saying she had gotten engaged and was wearing a ring. It looked real. Later that night, I got a call saying that their son had given my daughter his grandma's engagement ring. My daughter actually said no to the engagement, but still took the ring, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 156

By anbrown6 - 12/04/2009 17:55 - United States

Today, I found my dog, who had been missing for over a month, at the local pound. Clearly it was my dog, she responded to her name and cried when she saw me. However, the woman there told me I could not simply take her, I had to follow through with all policies. I paid $250 to adopt my own dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 592

You deserved it 9 754

Peek a boo

By Anonymous - 08/05/2014 02:31 - United States - Tampa

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 896

You deserved it 16 104

By Anonymous - 21/05/2012 01:10 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they circled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 018

You deserved it 2 016

Feeling faint

By jacey - 12/06/2021 02:01

Today, I discovered that my body will go straight to “weak and lightheaded” before it even considers “hungry.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 68

By mmckie - 11/06/2019 22:00

Today, I went into a restaurant with my family. I slipped off my chair, pulling the tablecloth with all the food and drinks on it with me onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 404

By Prodigy - 11/02/2010 14:07 - United States

Today, I ran into a former college classmate at Subway. He gushed on and on about how I was the only one in our class with true potential. Then I asked him what kind of sandwich he wanted, because 3 years out of college, Subway is still the only place that will hire a music major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 189

You deserved it 7 906

Neverending story

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 11:01

Today, it's my birthday. We were supposed to be going to a nice Italian restaurant at 6.30 p.m. Instead, the whole region is going into a snap lockdown from 6 p.m., due to the recent community transmissions of Covid-19. Happy Birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 105

By PO'd big bro - 13/01/2015 01:11 - United States - Toccoa

Today, I had to call a few different women and explain to them that my little brother had catfished them. I had to do it because he is mute and my parents were too busy screaming at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 944

You deserved it 2 260

By Anonymous - 14/05/2011 13:17 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my wedding day, and I have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 666

You deserved it 5 095

By Anonymous - 09/10/2015 17:34

Today, I found out that what I thought was "acne" is actually an allergic reaction to a cream I've been using for years. I thought the cream was helping me with the breakouts but my doctor says the real acne probably went away naturally years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 368

You deserved it 2 483

By wat - 20/09/2013 05:52 - United States - Santa Ana

Today, I went to visit my overly-posh mother for the first time in many years. Upon arrival, she kicked me out because my outfit did not follow the same color-scheme as her decor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 623

You deserved it 3 261

By Anonymous - 21/05/2019 12:00

Today, while volunteering at my local library, a guy who smelled like crap followed me around all day. Every time I would bend over to shelf a book, he would start grunting. Apparently, he's going to be at the library every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 888

You deserved it 92

By ClaustrophobicNightmares - 28/03/2014 08:42 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, I was stuck in the elevator for almost two hours. Where was the elevator mechanic? Next to me in the elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 863

You deserved it 3 278

By trixieee - 04/08/2019 12:00

Today, my boyfriend got a text from a "close female friend." The text was of her with no shirt on, and he quickly closed his phone. His explanation was that his female friends just want his opinion on how they look. I don't know what's worse, that there are several, or that he thinks I'm that stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 099

You deserved it 179

By suckmeoff - 12/04/2009 07:21 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My grandma gave me a hug and a check after wishing me a happy birthday and walked away giggling. I was excited because it was the only gift I had gotten all day. Ten minutes later, I realized that it was actually just my tax refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 158

You deserved it 3 461

By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for Christmas. He then told me that he would only tell me if I promised not to get mad, so I agreed. He told me that he wants me to start working out because I'm getting fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 566

You deserved it 33 036

By heartbreakkid21 - 14/05/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, I was on a date with this girl I actually like. The date was going really well and it seemed like it would be a good night. Well while in the movie theater I went to hold her hand and instead she gave me a hand shake and said "You're so funny I'm so glad we're friends". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 977

You deserved it 5 574

Early learner

By Courtney Micallef - 02/04/2020 08:00

Today, I was teaching my one-year-old some new words. He pointed to the picture of the pig and said, "Mama". Guess I better start that diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 288

By Anonymous - 12/06/2013 16:47 - United States - Trenton

Today, I left my dog in the car while I quickly ran into a store. I came out to a woman smashing at my window, screaming that it was too hot in the car for the dog and saying I was being inhumane. The car was still running and the air conditioning was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 637

You deserved it 9 066

Gordon Ramsey is furious

By sunitgir - 21/10/2019 06:00

Today, my mother decided to cook dinner for us and used rice that she had in her cupboard. While helping out, I stirred the dish and noticed black flecks. Turns out they were rice weevils. She tried to convince me it was "burnt garlic" and served it to the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 127

By Annonymous - 18/10/2012 14:41 - United States

Today, an exterminator sprayed for cockroaches in my dorm room. After classes I got back to find three large cockroaches on top of my bed. Now that the exterminator has sprayed everything, all the cockroaches are coming out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 297

You deserved it 1 906

By Anonymous - 01/10/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, as I was leaving the office, I heard my very cute coworker behind me say "Hey gorgeous, where are you off to?" I turned around with a smile and said "About to hit up happy hour." He was on the phone with his wife. I'm calling in sick tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 401

You deserved it 12 161

By mackmoons - 10/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out someone doing the exact same job as me at work is making $900 more than me on their paycheck. The only reason is because when he messes up, he blames it on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 896

You deserved it 132

By "syd_the_kidd_9707" - 25/02/2019 00:00

Today, I went in my car to a very important job interview. I was out of gas, so I had to get some on the way. When i was done pumping, I went to get back in and the door handle broke off on the driver's side. Then I blew a tire on a piece of metal. Needless to say, I lost my chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 246

You deserved it 190

By Anonymous - 23/02/2013 06:28 - United States - Calhan

Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 498

You deserved it 3 429

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 23:36 - United States

Today, I saw a group of attractive guys at the mall. One of them looked exactly like a friend, so I decided to take a picture. Trying to be discreet, I put my phone up to my ear as if I was making a phone call, and pressed the capture button. The flash went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 490

You deserved it 46 611

By Shiverice - 13/10/2012 11:22 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, I was babysitting four kids. I turned the TV on for them, and set the youngest on my lap. She started giggling and pointing at every single pimple I have, exclaiming "Boo-boo!" This went on for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 641

You deserved it 3 175

By parentalfail - 25/12/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, my parents told me they're getting a divorce. However, they asked me not to tell any of the family so that the news doesn't spoil Christmas. Thanks, Mom and Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 235

You deserved it 2 246

By bad surprise - 26/01/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend in the shower. I opened the door and there was a giant shit in the open toilet. I pretended I was looking for my hairbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 129

You deserved it 7 517

By Churizmo - 19/07/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, I was at a party and I really had to use the bathroom. There were 30-40 people talking outside the door, so I thought it would be ok to make some noise. Just as I'm about to begin having explosive diarrhea, everyone falls silent as my dad begins to pray for our meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 635

You deserved it 5 441

By Ltl_Dust_Bunny - 23/03/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, I met a cute guy for coffee. Everything was going fine, right up until he started telling me about his alien encounters and super psychic powers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 794

You deserved it 9 473

Diversion tactics

By Anonymous - 19/10/2021 08:00

Today, upon getting the paperwork for my Court Diversion, I found out I had to write an apology letter to my brother. The brother who sent me to jail for trying to get him to stop abusing his girlfriend, and holding him instead of fighting when he charged at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 62

By Anonymous - 20/04/2012 01:26 - United States

Today, I offered my phone number to the guy I've been flirting back and forth with all week. He said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 685

You deserved it 4 009

By kyle - 05/06/2011 07:00 - United States

Today, my friend pushed me into the swimming pool. Unfortunately, we were eight feet away from the actual pool, so I face-planted and rolled in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 821

You deserved it 3 691

By Yikes - 27/09/2016 04:34 - United States - Cumberland

Today, I finally found the single flaw in my perfect boyfriend. It's herpes. Genital herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 867

You deserved it 1 704

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Top comments

breadfruit 0

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 12:03

You should count yourself incredibly lucky that not only are you apparently passive and safe when drunk, you're also productive!

evaki1 12

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 12:00

If you have boring thoughts it's not.

evaki1 12

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 12:00

If you have boring thoughts it's not.

pyromania21 0

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 12:10

try smokin pot u woulda done the exact same thing except u woulda had the time of ur life doin it

CapnAwesome 11

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 13:16

Being drunk is fun! But depends how deunk you get. With whom you get drunk.. But drinking alone is depressing :D

DryHumor 4

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 14:37

I personally hate drinking and pot..

DooleyFTW 17

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 14:47

37 - Well aren't you just the cooliest.

mstarxo23 2

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 15:46

38- ??? just shut the fuck up.

ShroomsOnAcid 16

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 16:53

I agree, 69. I've never gotten to the shitfaced stage though. I know when to stop, and since I don't enjoy getting even just buzzed, it wouldn't make sense to keep drinking. Most of the drinkers I know agree that being drunk is not a stellar feeling, but for one reason or another, it appeals to them enough to continue doing it.

77777771 12

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 17:21

Your getting voted up even though you put "u"?...Shocking.

DryHumor 4

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 18:03

38 - that is correct.

erfia712 1

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 18:17

Nice abs

21jason 9

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 22:58

I bet you would be pissed if a earth quick hit

lulzworthy 3

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 23:59

No one cares.

Deanna05 2

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Thursday 24 November 2011 7:22

I've only been drunk a few times and it's actually fun for me because my OCD disappears. I don't care what's going on and I share my drink with who ever. But my OCD is mainly cleanliness based.

DetLions32 6

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Thursday 24 November 2011 7:25

At least now s/he knows what to do when their house is a mess

breadfruit 0

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 12:03

You should count yourself incredibly lucky that not only are you apparently passive and safe when drunk, you're also productive!

xlord 27

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 12:06

Maybe OP will start doing her homework next time!!

Meme1988 18

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 14:23

Cool, i clean whenever im angry

MicMic_fml 7

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 14:48

36- Make me a sandwich while you're at it..

yankfan89 27

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 15:32

Seriously OP want to come by my house when you want to drink. I will supply the alcohol if you just tidy up my house a little.

mojo87 14

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 16:09

Lol #54 that's exactly what I was going to post. Hehe, at least I think I have a slightly better chance, seeing as OP lives in the same state as me :P

reaperwell 6

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 12:09

isn't that what happen with crack?

me_gusta_eso 1

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 18:40

*facepalm*

prismis 0

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 22:22

Haha I was thinking the same thing! I've never heard people react like that With alcohol!.. I think someone lied a little bit

gloryalvarez 0

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Thursday 24 November 2011 1:23

He was definitely lying. That does not happen with alcohol! Either he took something or someone spiked his drink!

cinamonkoko 15

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Thursday 24 November 2011 5:43

@133 everyone reacts differently to alcohol

ashtonkay 7

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Thursday 24 November 2011 17:37

Talk from experience?

jokolopolop 0

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 12:13

Just bust a nut!!!

valdancer99 0

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 14:08

OP's lucky. I should have cleaned my bookcase years ago. But i'm way too lazy. If I had that "problem" I would drink everyday!!

reaperwell 6

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 12:15

why is there such strange people on tis website?

pyemeister23 1

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 12:38

You Bennybennyboo! You just told the guy to drink toilet water.......

toelie 25

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 15:07

Just like everybody else.

sdevlin 1

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 18:08

you think we're weird go to 4chan

tweetypie 18

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 23:34

So you did post that comment? I thought it was your little sister....

WiseBennyBoo 2

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Thursday 24 November 2011 5:50

Noticed that the guy who talked about drinking poo water is gone??:D Guess he got banned!

saIty 17

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 12:16

Get so drunk that you want to clean up the world and create world peace.

mojobanks 8

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 12:19

Get hammered and walk to the nearest book store and go nuts

reaperwell 6

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 12:20

hey creep with my picture. you should stop being a creep and take someone elses

promarkchris 6

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 13:32

What on earth is this guy on about?

benderbot19 0

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 15:15

He just tried crack and fml for the first time.

_moden_ 6

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 12:20

It is fun for the people watching :)

Bofferding_fml 6

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 12:28

Obviously that's what you do while you're drunk, and you want OP to do it too so you feel less lonely and weird.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 12

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 1 036

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 1 173

Shiny shiny

Peek a boo

Feeling faint

Neverending story

Early learner

Gordon Ramsey is furious

Diversion tactics

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