Today, my boyfriend admitted that he pees on the toilet seat just to piss me off. FML

by Miramichi / 05/30/2011 at 8:18am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Love

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend in a crowded mall. I thought this was a good idea, until she went ballistic, began screaming and crying, and then stabbed me in the stomach with a ballpoint pen. I got banned from the mall. FML

by kingpin9219 / 05/30/2011 at 12:29am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of something I said 2 years ago, as a joke. I guess she took a while to get it. FML

by Username / 05/29/2011 at 12:41am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I worked up the courage to confess my feelings to this girl I'm crazy about. I even wrote and recorded a song for her. Instead of listening to it, she gave it to her ex boyfriend who responded to my heartfelt words by headbutting me. FML

by StratMan / 05/28/2011 at 12:44pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I was on my first blind date. We went to a fancy restaurant in the middle in the city. After using the bathroom, I came back to an empty table. He stole my purse and left. FML

by dancer_2014 / 05/28/2011 at 8:44am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I finally told the girl I've been after for more than a year that I'm attracted to her. Her response? A slight hug with a pat on the back as she said "There, there." FML

by fedemere / 05/28/2011 at 2:54am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, the girl I love made me text my best friend how much she loved him. This because her phone died. I was at the movies with her on our date. FML

by Fuckit / 05/28/2011 at 1:51am / United States (Idaho) / Love

Today, a girl I've been crushing on for over a year finally gave me her number. I lost the note at home, but found it a few hours later. I excitedly called, only to find she'd written down the number for the local Pizza Hut. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2011 at 7:30pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I saw a hot guy at the laundromat. Wanting an excuse to talk to him, I tossed a pair of my red underwear into his washer. What I didn't realize was that he was washing his whites. Thanks to me, he now has an entire load of pink shirts and boxers. FML

by nicole / 05/27/2011 at 4:52pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, my genius boyfriend was trying to remember a particular island in the Caribbean that was used by pirates in the past. I offered up Morocco. I heard him facepalm over the phone. FML

by Derp-A-Herp / 05/27/2011 at 1:46am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my mom asked if I was seeing anyone. I launched into a description of my girlfriend, only for her to interrupt, saying that she meant a therapist, and the fact that I'd just made up a relationship was further proof that I needed one. I really do have a girlfriend. FML

by lovingpsychosis / 05/26/2011 at 3:53am / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Love

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked pretty. I said, "Aww, that's the first time you've said that to me." He replied, "Well, it's the first time you've looked pretty." FML

by Username / 05/25/2011 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, the guy I have loved for seven years asked me to move in with him. Turns out he only did so because he needed someone to pay the rent since he's quit his job. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2011 at 3:25am / United States / Love