Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML
Today, the TV was blaring, the kids were yelling, and my wife was blabbering on in my ear. Overwhelmed, I shouted, "EVERYONE QUIET!" I got a second of blessed silence before my kids started screaming and crying, and my wife threw a tantrum, saying, "I married a psycho!" FML
Today, I’m getting a divorce because apparently, when you send your now soon-to-be ex wife a live photo and she presses on it, you can hear your mistress speaking in the background. FML
Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML
Today, I signed the divorce papers my wife gave me. When I went to bed, she was on the phone talking to her new boyfriend. FML
Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML
Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered into my wife's ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud, because I was embarrassing her. FML
Today, I was told by my wife of 19 years that all the songs about cheating that she's been playing for a year and a half should have been a good enough hint. Getting a divorce. FML
Today, my wife and teen daughter are at the point where their monthly cycles have synced, so when I got home and heard them screaming at each other, I quietly closed the door so they couldn’t hear me, and like a coward I hid in my car until the screaming stopped. FML
Today, my wife broke the TV during an argument with her mother, but it’s my fault because I "put the TV in such a stupid place" so I should pay for a new one. Anyone know any good divorce lawyers? Stick the number in the comments, I’m so done with her bullshit and her crazy family of assholes. FML
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Top comments
NeverShoutDana 13
Revenge? When a weight watchers commercial comes on, turn up the volume and give her a look..
StevenJ94 1
Take the hint...
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Comments (156)
BillyK417 3
cool
StevenJ94 1
Take the hint...
Badjuju7711 0
I agree take the hint and find someone better than her.
xxlauruh 0
maybe she just found it interesting or wanted to pass some info to a friend. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. it's ops wife. not his girlfriend. you don't just dump your wife on a whim and "find someone better." that's why American marriages don't last worth a crap.
SeaMen 3
well isn't tht something...now people are supporting and telling you how to be good at getting divorces on tv
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
^exactly. Marriage isn't "sacred" enough to make a relationship last here in America, yet it's still sacred enough to prevent the gays from doing it.
cisnecreciendo 0
someone with some effin common sense! lol
xxlauruh 0
no divorce is "successful." it's actually the process you go through when your marriage fails. I do think it's nice there's resources to cope with a divorce (especially when your spouse did you irreparable harm) but to actually call it "successful" is disgusting.
enonymous 9
I would have had a home stenographer for her with 2-3 phone lines and divorce attorneys waiting. Twitter on standby and Costco ready with my alcohol order
juicedboi 7
I hope you said something along the lines of "where's my sammich?!".
IndiRae 9
Or maybe, just maybe, she said to turn it because she couldn't hear what the person was saying, and therefore didn't hear anything about the divorce, just maybe though.
Codezlol 21
Maybe she was kidding around with him too? Who really knows
WallyTheWombat 0
She was probably just kidding around or she couldn't hear. I guess OP is the one in the marriage so he's the best one to judge how it's going.
fymother 13
...Uh they did. that's why OP's user name is "single"
XXscenekidXX209 0
wow, there may b a hint, but u should let op realize it themself
vergaso 0
ehh.... whenever desperate house wives comes on look at her and tell her to higher the volume
NYCM 6
Just keep an eye open dont think nothing of it dot think to much of it. Expect the unexpected to be ready for anything just in case.
muselover23 0
ouch sorry op
JokinglySerious 0
I really hope she was kidding
CryMoreFMLs 15
She's dropping alot of not-so-subtle hints OP. Take them to heart and prepare for her worst.
nilin95 1
good luck your gona need it dude
AboveTheRest 6
that's when you start making love to her ;)
daybowbow 0
in the BUTT
RaulDaPlaya 0
agreed :)
NeverShoutDana 13
Revenge? When a weight watchers commercial comes on, turn up the volume and give her a look..
A7X_LoVeee 10
Who says she's fat?
dabo_fml 0
6 its would still piss her off
pepper477 6
haha win
BaconDave 12
Or when a tampon commercial comes up.
BaconDave 12
Or when a tampon commercial comes up.
ObeseKitten 0
What? She would probably tell him to go buy some for her.
cisnecreciendo 0
thats what a twelve year old would suggest piss off your spouse in a marriage that should have lasted a lifetime it's ok we all see your really young
NeverShoutDana 13
I am young.. So? FML isn't ment for mature people.
cisnecreciendo 0
so? lol have a good one
NeverShoutDana 13
Thanks you too :)
mahomie97 7
hahahahaha
xmayne 0
I thought FML was for anyone to come to for a laugh?
YacL 15
To me, that makes it sound like HE'S the one interested in losing weight. Since it sounds line SHE was the one "interested" in a "successful" divorce and told him to turn up the TV, it makes it sound like he'd be interested in the weight watchers. Anyways, that's what I'd think if my spouse did that to me. Good idea, though.
Jacobt24 19
That's why he gives her that look tht says, "This is for you."
xxlauruh 0
lol that little girl seriously put her phone number on a public website.
NeverShoutDana 13
What's your problem? It's my opinion, my choice, my life.
NeverShoutDana 13
Lol, thanks for noticing :) You're a peach.
hisgirlherboy 5
102- I love how you say "that little girl" haha wow how bitchy of you
FeedMonkeyking 4
Well, 102's co-workers are corpses. What do you expect?
blankz93 0
hell yeah!!
zgomon 10
haha. great one. And to 102; I put my number on here, it's nice to meet new people. Idc who you are, il talk. lol
tierramizzt 0
haha
xxlauruh 0
your daddy must be so proud. actually my coworkers are scientists and doctors. who are yours?
xxlauruh 0
and she's 14 so yes, little girl.
NeverShoutDana 13
Don't be a douche. I didn't ask for your approval.
xxlauruh 0
I didn't ask for you to ask.
NeverShoutDana 13
I didn't ask for you to ask... Look, it's just a comment I made. Not very mature? I agree. But you're right, I'm 14. So maturity isn't a huge issue for me. Let's just move on.
DatWhiteGuy 0
Hey, FML is I'm guessing for the teenage age group. Stop Hatin.
nicki10123 0
hahaha xD I would.
nicki10123 0
you're a dumbass. she's not little, she's about 15. me and her are probably more mature than u, and im 13. and why are u reading her info anyways?? pedophile !
ciarafox9 9
u should have looked at her and said " I'm keeping the dog!"
Truth_Nazi 0
Why would he still keep her?
ciarafox9 9
Ohhh good one!
DarkMoon159 5
Asians eat dog...
marielaaaaaa 4
what if they don't have a dog ever thought of that?
LuukBaas 0
^ it's about the idea!
AnagenisisZagus 13
50, shhhhhhhhh.
amerwin 3
Should have said, "Thank God, I thought I was the only one."
limepinklis 0
Perfect! Hahaa;)
moo117 0
bitch!!!!
acdc923 0
*hint hint* apparently.
amrik 11
winning!!
Lights_Out_fml 6
Are you perhaps Charlie Sheen?
bigmanj28 0
You know nothing of the sort