Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML
Today, the TV was blaring, the kids were yelling, and my wife was blabbering on in my ear. Overwhelmed, I shouted, "EVERYONE QUIET!" I got a second of blessed silence before my kids started screaming and crying, and my wife threw a tantrum, saying, "I married a psycho!" FML
Today, I’m getting a divorce because apparently, when you send your now soon-to-be ex wife a live photo and she presses on it, you can hear your mistress speaking in the background. FML
Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML
Today, I signed the divorce papers my wife gave me. When I went to bed, she was on the phone talking to her new boyfriend. FML
Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML
Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered into my wife's ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud, because I was embarrassing her. FML
Today, I was told by my wife of 19 years that all the songs about cheating that she's been playing for a year and a half should have been a good enough hint. Getting a divorce. FML
Today, my wife and teen daughter are at the point where their monthly cycles have synced, so when I got home and heard them screaming at each other, I quietly closed the door so they couldn’t hear me, and like a coward I hid in my car until the screaming stopped. FML
Today, my wife broke the TV during an argument with her mother, but it’s my fault because I "put the TV in such a stupid place" so I should pay for a new one. Anyone know any good divorce lawyers? Stick the number in the comments, I’m so done with her bullshit and her crazy family of assholes. FML
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Top comments
NeverShoutDana 13
Revenge? When a weight watchers commercial comes on, turn up the volume and give her a look..
StevenJ94 1
Take the hint...
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Comments (156)
froufrou7 3
haha XD
hideyoself 4
I'm in love with xxlauruh, her common sense and linguistic skills are rare her.
Paris_SoOPretty 0
She seems very careless and scandalous. be cautious. smh
sky22_fml 7
Maybe it's time to switch things up! :)
ohxdamnxkay02 12
shes bad ass for that ! (:
ReynshineCutting 10
It's better to try to work things out in a marriage before you even consider divorce. Divorce is an absolute last resort unless your spouse is cheating on you or beating you. The problem is that with "divorce" being in everyone's face all the time, they think a divorce is the same as breaking up with a boyfriend in high school and that it's not a big deal. They think it's just another solution to a problem. It is sad that divorces are so common now that they play those commercials. People need to stop getting married so quick and stop thinking that divorce is the answer for everything. We need to get the sanctity of marriage back in this country!
pmreck 1
haha better luck with your next wife...
Chynna92 0
Ouchhh.
Immatheprez 0
maybe shes just curious??
chilly012 3
I think she's hinting something..