Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML
Today, the TV was blaring, the kids were yelling, and my wife was blabbering on in my ear. Overwhelmed, I shouted, "EVERYONE QUIET!" I got a second of blessed silence before my kids started screaming and crying, and my wife threw a tantrum, saying, "I married a psycho!" FML
Today, I’m getting a divorce because apparently, when you send your now soon-to-be ex wife a live photo and she presses on it, you can hear your mistress speaking in the background. FML
Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML
Today, I signed the divorce papers my wife gave me. When I went to bed, she was on the phone talking to her new boyfriend. FML
Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML
Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered into my wife's ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud, because I was embarrassing her. FML
Today, I was told by my wife of 19 years that all the songs about cheating that she's been playing for a year and a half should have been a good enough hint. Getting a divorce. FML
Today, my wife and teen daughter are at the point where their monthly cycles have synced, so when I got home and heard them screaming at each other, I quietly closed the door so they couldn’t hear me, and like a coward I hid in my car until the screaming stopped. FML
Today, my wife broke the TV during an argument with her mother, but it’s my fault because I "put the TV in such a stupid place" so I should pay for a new one. Anyone know any good divorce lawyers? Stick the number in the comments, I’m so done with her bullshit and her crazy family of assholes. FML
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Top comments
NeverShoutDana 13
Revenge? When a weight watchers commercial comes on, turn up the volume and give her a look..
StevenJ94 1
Take the hint...
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Comments (156)
RabidBunny 10
Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop. I'm sorry, but you can't keep pretending everything is perfect when there are problems that need to be addressed. Communication is important.
DocBastard 40
You should have turned it way up just to drown out her screams. OF PASSION! Screams of passion as you make sweet love to her!!! Jesus, people. What the hell did you think I meant?
goldiefox 0
Hahaha. Kudos to the awesome comment. Hey I haven't seen you on here in a while...
sydneylol 7
well you do have a picture of a knife.. 0.o
TraceCase_ 19
Did you bother asking her about it or is your plan just to keep quiet and worry yourself sick?
saIty 17
Instead turn to the food channel, look at her passionately in the eye, and point to the kitchen demanding a sammich.
Dirgel 4
My comment was almost the exact same as yours but they moderated it. : (
tinybear93 0
aw rats.
nookest 0
you can look for next partner!
marcyfrances 4
you better do something fast! maybe that's all you do is watch tv......
KaraShinee 0
^ Speak for yourself.
Thrasher91 0
Lock her up in the basement
SlaveToRetail 10
Jesus, don't people take marriage seriously anymore? This is why divorce rates are so high. Maybe it was bad timing on her part? Or if she is considering it, there's always marriage counseling to try to work past whatever's making her think about it. What's happened to "'Till death do us part," these days? I know some marriages need to end, such as abusive spouses or infidelities, but something over something like this doesn't mean OP should "dump the bitch" and throw out something that's SUPPOSED to be sacred.
docscientist 10
Many marriages only lasted in the past because it was incredibly taboo to get a divorce. Marriage is only as sacred as you imagine it, and is uniquely meaningful to the couple.
ReynshineCutting 10
Amen! Honestly a marriage counselor is good to have even if you're not having problems. It only strengthens your relationship and keeps you both on the same page about everything. Two spouses can talk to each other about stuff, say the same thing to a counselor, and the counselor can make connections you never would have thought of. My brother and his wife go check in with their counselor every 2 months or so. It's just like a tune up on a car to make sure everything's running as good as it can. I know not everyone can afford it but if you can it's a great idea!