Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML
Today, the TV was blaring, the kids were yelling, and my wife was blabbering on in my ear. Overwhelmed, I shouted, "EVERYONE QUIET!" I got a second of blessed silence before my kids started screaming and crying, and my wife threw a tantrum, saying, "I married a psycho!" FML
Today, I’m getting a divorce because apparently, when you send your now soon-to-be ex wife a live photo and she presses on it, you can hear your mistress speaking in the background. FML
Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML
Today, I signed the divorce papers my wife gave me. When I went to bed, she was on the phone talking to her new boyfriend. FML
Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML
Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered into my wife's ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud, because I was embarrassing her. FML
Today, I was told by my wife of 19 years that all the songs about cheating that she's been playing for a year and a half should have been a good enough hint. Getting a divorce. FML
Today, my wife and teen daughter are at the point where their monthly cycles have synced, so when I got home and heard them screaming at each other, I quietly closed the door so they couldn’t hear me, and like a coward I hid in my car until the screaming stopped. FML
Today, my wife broke the TV during an argument with her mother, but it’s my fault because I "put the TV in such a stupid place" so I should pay for a new one. Anyone know any good divorce lawyers? Stick the number in the comments, I’m so done with her bullshit and her crazy family of assholes. FML
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Top comments
NeverShoutDana 13
Revenge? When a weight watchers commercial comes on, turn up the volume and give her a look..
StevenJ94 1
Take the hint...
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Comments (156)
ThaHero 0
Foreshadowing.... dun dun dun.....
everybodyluvsMEN 0
Foreshadowing? What are you, my english teacher?!
brandonlee54 0
dude that totally sucks
Playful1985 9
1) marriage isn't sacred, it's a lifestyle choice. It's like saying "God wants all people to be vegan as a sacred covenant because Adam and Eve didnt eat animals." whatever! Live your life. 2) 1 in 3 people have mental illness. That's why the divorce rate is so high.
spartan522114 0
1 in 3 people do not have a mental illness.
j_cat187 20
I was told that 50%of America is retarded
WallyTheWombat 0
I'm part of the other 40% (relax it's a joke)
Playful1985 9
I feel for OP though! If she doesn't realize how much it hurt your feelings, tell her she needs to communicate with you about what's going on and that behavior w/o an explanation was really rude.
ken0033 0
beat her lol
thetrollyoulike 6
that's how I roll
RokNRoll11 9
I see sorrow in your future
YayFlameWarz 9
Hit mute and take batteries and leave.
64ponygirl 1
win
64ponygirl 1
maybe she wanted the volume up so she could still hear the tv over the sound of her washing the dishes.
momo1972 3
don't think just do it man.