Work: Today, it turned out the twit I've been overcharging for drinks... - FML

By Fuck's sake! - Singapore - Singapore

Today, it turned out the twit I've been overcharging for drinks in my bar for wearing shades indoors is actually blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5237

You deserved it

27105

Tweet

Share

All over the place

Very fishy

Spy vs. Spy

By Anonymous - United States - Mineola

Today, my boyfriend is so ashamed of me that when someone asked how far along my pregnancy is, he quickly replied "5 months now!" instead of telling them I'm not actually pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22254

You deserved it

11462

Tweet

Share

By Eodowoiono - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, as a joke, my friend put my bus money in the vending machine. Not only did the machine not return my money, it wouldn't give me an item in return. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49206

You deserved it

4577

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I informed my parents that my husband and I are separating after much deliberation. We came to this conclusion relatively peacefully. According to my parents, I'm now Satan, and will end up on the streets as a crack whore if we don't change our minds and stay together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32308

You deserved it

4105

Tweet

Share

By Saradee - United States - Inglewood

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61962

You deserved it

10907

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was at a waterpark with my friends, waiting in line for about 45 minutes to go on the biggest ride there. When it was finally our turn, the lifeguard at the top pulled me over and measured me to see if I was tall enough. I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1748

You deserved it

423

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Germany - Naurath

Today, I found out what a lightweight my girlfriend is. After having a couple of drinks, she began flirting, then grabbed my ass. She felt around a bit before freaking out and asking where my penis was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53501

You deserved it

6114

Tweet

Share

By jerkgirl - United States

Today, while getting my hair done, I was annoyed that the beautician was not paying attention while straightening my hair. After asking her three times to watch what she was doing, I grabbed the iron and said "let me do it, you're going to burn me!". I then burned two layers of skin off my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10716

You deserved it

113002

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized the closest thing I have to guys hitting on me are the ones who ask to be my friend on Call of Duty because I have the word "girl" in my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30281

You deserved it

6914

Tweet

Share

By texasbest - United States - Lindale

Today, at my new job, I walked into the office to hear my supervisor and HR manager talking about how, "the new guy isn't very smart, but we can get him to do the shit work for a couple weeks." Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23647

You deserved it

1927

Tweet

Share

By WishesWasDeaf - United States

Today, I was stuck sitting at a cafeteria table next to the girl who broke my heart and her boyfriend. I got to overhear the conversation, which included "I want to go to the car" followed by "Me too, but I don't have a condom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35716

You deserved it

3347

Tweet

Share

By purpledp12 - United States

Today, I was eating in the food court at the mall by myself but then a cute guy from my school offers to sit by me, I say yes of course, he then asks me for a french fry. Later on I realize he has eaten half my meal. He only wanted to sit by me for my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29372

You deserved it

6827

Tweet

Share

By zed - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I took a girl out to dinner. Halfway through, she sighed and asked if it was all an episode of Disaster Date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26829

You deserved it

3082

Tweet

Share

By Smitty Werbenjeagermanjensen - United States - Amarillo

Today, I had a conversation with the cute girl I like at work for the first time. I told her I worked in the camping department of the store, and we had a long chat about how she heard that the guy who runs that department is a complete dick head. I am the guy who runs that department. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12537

You deserved it

2620

Tweet

Share

By fuckdubstep51 - United States - Willingboro

Today, my boss gave me a warning for "insulting our best customer" after she saw a comment on her customer card saying "stop giving this fat bitch free samples." My boss had written it in the first place, but refuses to either remember or admit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24544

You deserved it

1767

Tweet

Share

By indierocklove - United States

Today, I finally started doing cardio and getting in shape. What motivated me to do it? Watching a zombie movie. The slow ones bite the dust first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31320

You deserved it

8750

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I wrote to the guy whom I am in love with how I feel about him. He was very calm and told me to give him some time to think it over. Later in the day, I found out he blocked my number and rejected me on facebook. But, the worse part is he then texted me saying "This is my reply". FML

I agree, your life sucks

37068

You deserved it

5010

Tweet

Share

By SplashOuch - United States

Today, I was walking out of Starbucks when I sneezed, causing coffee to burn my nose. I screamed, dropped it, and sent scorching coffee all over my legs while dropping everything else I was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28857

You deserved it

7073

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Redding

Today, I found out that someone I once babysat got a girlfriend before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13197

You deserved it

1582

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/7/2020 02:02

Best foot forward

Today, after a month of things going wrong in my life and finally getting better, I woke up refreshed and ready to face the day. Then, I fell down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1488

You deserved it

120

Tweet

Share

By WaffleMan - United States - Stirling

Today, I was in a business meeting. I was giving a Powerpoint presentation to my boss and a few other associates. Then a notification popped up in the middle of my presentation reminding me that I needed to renew my pornhub subscription. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15212

You deserved it

48593

Tweet

Share

By justlittleoldme - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up crying in the middle of a nightmare in which my boyfriend of 8 months shot me through the heart whilst laughing as I screamed 'I Love You'. After I told him about this, he took me into his arms as I cried, stroked my back and said, 'What kind of gun was it?' FML

I agree, your life sucks

34758

You deserved it

7258

Tweet

Share

By littlefinger - United States - Foley

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51499

You deserved it

6953

Tweet

Share

By Anyonymous_101

Alexa, play "All You Need Is Hate" by The Delgados

Today, I found out my that my girlfriend's parents hate me, all because they saw me laughing and hanging out with another girl. That other girl was my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1673

You deserved it

80

Tweet

Share

By btswc - United States

Today, I asked my husband, of only a year, why we don't have sex anymore. He said it's because he masturbates. When I asked how often he did it, he replied "Every day that we don't have sex..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37950

You deserved it

9636

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - France

Today, I wasn't feeling too good, and took my temperature. I had a fever, which I told my boyfriend who was laughing hysterically when I told him. I asked him what was so funny, turns out he's been using the thermometer to take our dog's temperature sometimes. Rectally, of course. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43454

You deserved it

5555

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Fairfield

Today, I arrived 10 minutes early to my orthodontist's office to get my braces off. It turns out my appointment was actually one hour earlier, and now the next available appointment is in four weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23521

You deserved it

8152

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/10/2020 03:02 - Mexico - Mexico

Backwards world

Today, my life is so messed up that when I got pulled over, the officer asked about my life and not only did I not receive a ticket, he made me write down his personal number, patrol number and to call if I ever needed a favor or to talk, telling me that I had a friend in him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1305

You deserved it

244

Tweet

Share

By Sadfaic - United States

Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35499

You deserved it

2121

Tweet

Share

By Sonic - United Kingdom

Today, my boss left a lovely invitation to her wedding on my desk. I plan on resigning during our meeting later today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1865

You deserved it

207

Tweet

Share

By aherdofpigs - United States

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50006

You deserved it

21023

Tweet

Share

By p0isonOreo68 - 24/9/2020 20:02

Smells better when turned on

Today, my cat peed on my stove. There’s multiple clean litter-boxes that he could have used instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

921

You deserved it

180

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I picked up my driver's licence and my keys off the floor at the same time, using only my toes. This was the highlight of my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23761

You deserved it

6177

Tweet

Share

By Sybille - France

Today, my boyfriend was lying down on top of me and he was looking at me with passionate eyes. I thought he was finally going to tell me he loved me. But instead he said "You have a bogey". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28436

You deserved it

4028

Tweet

Share

By vikts - Luxembourg - Olm

Today, I discovered that as thanks for my successful efforts to increase my company's monthly revenue, my dumbass of a boss has been awarded a pay bonus. He's wasted no time telling everyone about the sports car he's planning to buy with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23180

You deserved it

1926

Tweet

Share

By auslander - Switzerland

Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. "She" was a fat 15 year old boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58328

You deserved it

7818

Tweet

Share

By fuckface moron - 20/6/2020 02:17

Face value

Today, it was was my first day back at work as an esthetician. My first client refused to remove her face mask so I could perform the service. She demanded I just do her forehead, and that she’d only pay a third of the price since she’s only getting that part done. I refused and was written up by management. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1477

You deserved it

242

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my husband why he won't list me as his wife on Facebook. Apparently, it's because he doesn't want the high school friends he just reconnected with to know that he married "the biggest geek in the whole school." We went to the same high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43008

You deserved it

3751

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I texted a girl who I had hooked up with the night before to see if she wanted to hang out again. She responded, "I think we should keep it the way it was, before last night." I just met her last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57654

You deserved it

13739

Tweet

Share

By justmyluck5150 - United States

Today, I told the doctor that one of my ribs sticks out farther than the other. When I lifted my shirt to show him, he immediately laughed and said, "Whoa, that's not subtle is it!" As if I wasn't already insecure about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11109

You deserved it

825

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who hasn't shaved in a month, went to go shave. I was pretty excited since his beard was starting to make my face itch whenever we kissed. When he came out of the bathroom he had a handlebar mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33653

You deserved it

8944

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By CheekyRaccoon | 27

#6588276 - Monday 25 April 2016 16:21

I've heard the expression robbing people blind, but actually robbing the blind of more money than others? In hindsight he never saw it coming.

By WCARlover | 34

#6588274 - Monday 25 April 2016 16:19

There wasn't a cane that was a giveaway? You know what they say about assuming....but really I hope you give him or her some free drinks next time they come in

COMMENTS

By WCARlover | 34

#6588274 - Monday 25 April 2016 16:19

There wasn't a cane that was a giveaway? You know what they say about assuming....but really I hope you give him or her some free drinks next time they come in

By yerawizardlizzy | 27

#6588275 - Monday 25 April 2016 16:19

You know what they say about assuming...

Edit: 1 beat me to it!

By CheekyRaccoon | 27

#6588276 - Monday 25 April 2016 16:21

I've heard the expression robbing people blind, but actually robbing the blind of more money than others? In hindsight he never saw it coming.

Reply

soulebelius | 17

#6588306 - Monday 25 April 2016 17:22

Best fucking comment I've ever read here!! That was like some arrested development type humor there!

By nonsensical | 26

#6588277 - Monday 25 April 2016 16:20

Give him a few drinks "on the house" to make up for it and don't make assumptions about people anymore.

By Zappaz | 32

#6588278 - Monday 25 April 2016 16:21

If I found out I was being overcharged I'd be blinded in anger
I'll see myself out

Reply

gamermonster | 34

#6588323 - Monday 25 April 2016 18:00

Good, we're waiting.

Reply

saxaddict122 | 14

#6588324 - Monday 25 April 2016 18:01

Normally I hate "I'll see myself out" comments but this one actually seems fitting haha

By Tripartita | 44

#6588280 - Monday 25 April 2016 16:23

Overcharging people based on what they wear? You're a class act regardless of whether or not they're blind, OP.

By Arkham_Callabero | 15

#6588282 - Monday 25 April 2016 16:25

And the douchebag of the year goes to :OP

By gearhead369 | 20

#6588284 - Monday 25 April 2016 16:27

Dumbass

By lilchica22001 | 22

#6588288 - Monday 25 April 2016 16:31

Wow....you were a judgemental douche. At least now you know and you can change your ways. And I think you owe that person a few free drinks.

By vikky538 | 28

#6588291 - Monday 25 April 2016 16:39

Of all these days would you ever care to act why that guy is wearing shades?