Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML
Today, the TV was blaring, the kids were yelling, and my wife was blabbering on in my ear. Overwhelmed, I shouted, "EVERYONE QUIET!" I got a second of blessed silence before my kids started screaming and crying, and my wife threw a tantrum, saying, "I married a psycho!" FML
Today, I’m getting a divorce because apparently, when you send your now soon-to-be ex wife a live photo and she presses on it, you can hear your mistress speaking in the background. FML
Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML
Today, I signed the divorce papers my wife gave me. When I went to bed, she was on the phone talking to her new boyfriend. FML
Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML
Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered into my wife's ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud, because I was embarrassing her. FML
Today, I was told by my wife of 19 years that all the songs about cheating that she's been playing for a year and a half should have been a good enough hint. Getting a divorce. FML
Today, my wife and teen daughter are at the point where their monthly cycles have synced, so when I got home and heard them screaming at each other, I quietly closed the door so they couldn’t hear me, and like a coward I hid in my car until the screaming stopped. FML
Today, my wife broke the TV during an argument with her mother, but it’s my fault because I "put the TV in such a stupid place" so I should pay for a new one. Anyone know any good divorce lawyers? Stick the number in the comments, I’m so done with her bullshit and her crazy family of assholes. FML
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Top comments
NeverShoutDana 13
Revenge? When a weight watchers commercial comes on, turn up the volume and give her a look..
StevenJ94 1
Take the hint...
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Comments (156)
swittig 0
you guys are splitting up? I'd be happy to split her! giggity giggity adultery giggity
Dirgel 4
Should have said "Fine but as soon as your show is over go make me a sammich."
bigmanj28 0
Did you turn it up?
goshpeople 4
I'm assuming from the FML that you do not want a divorce, and that your wife was actually (half-)serious... so tell her you'd rather learn about how to have a successful marriage. And then sign up for marriage counselling. Whatever you do, don't lie down and take it. She sounds like the kind of person who would go after you for everything in a divorce.
cisnecreciendo 0
I don't get why she sounded like anything expect slightly deaf or disinterested
allthatremains25 0
well what have you been doing for her to think about a divorce?
PinkHorset 5
Maybe the volume was just to low for her :/
Person1233 13
Move all your money to a secret Swiss bank account before it's too late!
gamegeek42 6
Lmao!
sgg34 0
why were you watching that in the first place lol
an9876 0
probably just a commercial....
Tyujhg4545 4
She probably didn't mean anything, just couldn't hear it. People are so quick to jump to negitivity these days.
birdfreak 24
ouch. that not right.