Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML
Today, the TV was blaring, the kids were yelling, and my wife was blabbering on in my ear. Overwhelmed, I shouted, "EVERYONE QUIET!" I got a second of blessed silence before my kids started screaming and crying, and my wife threw a tantrum, saying, "I married a psycho!" FML
Today, I’m getting a divorce because apparently, when you send your now soon-to-be ex wife a live photo and she presses on it, you can hear your mistress speaking in the background. FML
Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML
Today, I signed the divorce papers my wife gave me. When I went to bed, she was on the phone talking to her new boyfriend. FML
Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML
Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered into my wife's ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud, because I was embarrassing her. FML
Today, I was told by my wife of 19 years that all the songs about cheating that she's been playing for a year and a half should have been a good enough hint. Getting a divorce. FML
Today, my wife and teen daughter are at the point where their monthly cycles have synced, so when I got home and heard them screaming at each other, I quietly closed the door so they couldn’t hear me, and like a coward I hid in my car until the screaming stopped. FML
Today, my wife broke the TV during an argument with her mother, but it’s my fault because I "put the TV in such a stupid place" so I should pay for a new one. Anyone know any good divorce lawyers? Stick the number in the comments, I’m so done with her bullshit and her crazy family of assholes. FML
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Top comments
NeverShoutDana 13
Revenge? When a weight watchers commercial comes on, turn up the volume and give her a look..
StevenJ94 1
Take the hint...
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Comments (156)
HUSKYHUSTLER 0
dump the hoe first
withered 30
Hoe? Why is she a hoe?
daydreamer244 13
well...maybe she just couldn't hear it??? or maybe she's bored with you!!! but it's a 50 50 chance Mann!!!!
tacobird123 7
Ahhh...What a perfect time for an audience laughter while a Seinfield baseline plays it out to a commercial.
awesomer2000 0
lol you Chinese crack me up xD
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
Why is that a bad thing? People get divorced. It's better than staying in an unhappy marriage. And better to have a successful divorce than a messy one.
seeunexttuesdays 6
turn it up and then use those divorce tips on HER! surprise her! :D
stallion2521 0
take notes
verquinox 0
well obviously you're doing something wrong.
the0thers1de 0
You should said, "Huh... oh don't worry. I'm recording it!"
ksowders 0
aaahahaha lmao