Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML
Today, the TV was blaring, the kids were yelling, and my wife was blabbering on in my ear. Overwhelmed, I shouted, "EVERYONE QUIET!" I got a second of blessed silence before my kids started screaming and crying, and my wife threw a tantrum, saying, "I married a psycho!" FML
Today, I’m getting a divorce because apparently, when you send your now soon-to-be ex wife a live photo and she presses on it, you can hear your mistress speaking in the background. FML
Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML
Today, I signed the divorce papers my wife gave me. When I went to bed, she was on the phone talking to her new boyfriend. FML
Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML
Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered into my wife's ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud, because I was embarrassing her. FML
Today, I was told by my wife of 19 years that all the songs about cheating that she's been playing for a year and a half should have been a good enough hint. Getting a divorce. FML
Today, my wife and teen daughter are at the point where their monthly cycles have synced, so when I got home and heard them screaming at each other, I quietly closed the door so they couldn’t hear me, and like a coward I hid in my car until the screaming stopped. FML
Today, my wife broke the TV during an argument with her mother, but it’s my fault because I "put the TV in such a stupid place" so I should pay for a new one. Anyone know any good divorce lawyers? Stick the number in the comments, I’m so done with her bullshit and her crazy family of assholes. FML
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Top comments
NeverShoutDana 13
Revenge? When a weight watchers commercial comes on, turn up the volume and give her a look..
StevenJ94 1
Take the hint...
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Comments (156)
KickItHigh 32
60, You must that 1 in 3 person.
perdix 31
Looks like she wears the pants in that marriage anyways. After the divorce, maybe you'll get ownership of your balls back.
shelbers04 0
ever heard of a joke? she probably didn't mean anything
millerkidz4 0
get a clue buddy!
hateevryone 15
it probably didn't mean anything. or maybe it did......
AMAZINashleigh 6
Hint hint....
dippin 0
dude that stinks :(
SorrowFull 8
instead of complaining on FML. Talk to her, open some communication, and tell her how you feel about what she asked you to do. Don't sit idly by. go for it. If you love her, then do it.
ElainaCutsYou 0
you should have turned off the t.v., and ****** that bitch up, right then and there.
withered 30
Yeah! **** her up, just in case she might think of divorcing you! How dares she even think about having the right to divorce someone she no longer wants to be married to! (in case that was actually true). I guess common sense is not at all that common.
melissa_10 7
have you ever heard of this saying.. “It is better to be prepared for an opportunity and not have one than to have an opportunity and not be prepared.” shes probably not thinking of divorcing you but you never know what the future holds so she just wants to be prepared just incase it ever does happen :)