Today, I walked out and saw four kids mercilessly keying my car. When I questioned them on it, they said "Oh, that was your car? Oh well at least we didn't pee on your door handles too." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML
Today, some kids stole all four wheels off my car. They were nice enough to leave a note and some money though, "for the bus". FML
Today, I got my car back from the repair shop. After paying $400 for them to fix the scratches on the driver's side door, some one decided to key both sides of my car while I was on my lunch break from work. FML
Today, my keys disappeared out of my car door during the 50 foot walk to the trash can. When I finally went to security after trying to find them, they said someone drove off with my car right as I walked in the door. FML
Today, I accidentally hit someone's car while in the supermarket car park. I left a note, went shopping, and when I came back my windows were shattered, my tires were slashed, and "FUCK YOU" was written on my windshield. FML
Today, I was parking my car outside of my apartment, but the big truck next to the spot went over the line. I squeezed in anyway. Later, I discovered the truck had left and someone keyed my car. They left a note saying, "Good parking job, asshole." FML
Today, when I walked up to my car, all my windows were smashed. Thankfully, all I keep in my car is jumper cables, a pen, my car insurance and manual. Whoever smashed my windows apparently was pissed, 'cos they left a note saying "F**k you and your f**king station wagon." FML
Today, I found my car with its front end smashed in. The offender was nowhere to be seen, but had left a helpful note that stated, "Sorry about your car but you can go fuck yourself because you will never find me. Muwahahaha!" FML
Today, I was playfully walking back to my car with my girlfriend. My door was unlocked. I then noticed my car had stuff scattered inside. A bum had just robbed and ransacked my car. FML
Today, I left for work. Halfway to my car, my neighbour's son jumped out and emptied a bucket of water all over me. The little pissant screamed with laughter and ran back to his house. His mum's reaction was essentially, "Kids will be kids" and slamming the door on me. FML
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Top comments
jabfinch 9
Think I would be bitch slapping some kids.
thejewishfuhrer 17
You saw 4 kids keying your car, and your only response was to "question" them about it?
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Comments (120)
DontClickOnMe 28
Man, I'd be so mad. Pee can wash off, even though that's gross, but key marks are hard to get off.
n_epic_fail 14
You "questioned them?" their asses would be mounted on my wall (spongebob style).
DrJesse 10
Mercilessly cut their throats and piss on the bodies. Keep the bodies for a while.Set them at a dinner table (family dinner style) then when the cops finally get you,you have reason to plead temporary insanity. Little stint in a mental hospital and bam,you're back on the street in no time.
Michael_92 20
48 you scare me....
budnut 10
Wtf...
EvilTwerp 12
It's not so much hard, as it is tedious. If they're light scratches, you could probably sand them with 2000 grit sandpaper. Then put rubbing compound on it and buff the scratches out. Just sand it until you can't feel the scratches anymore. If it's deep scratches, take it to a shop if you have the money.
marinus_fml 20
I can't stand worthless pieces of shit like that in society. Lucky they didn't key my car and have me caught them!
TourettesGuyFTW 26
If OP had reported it to the police, then their pathetic excuse for parents would have had to pay up to fix the damage. Should have done something else besides ask questions...
Sixers01 0
Thats not a time to be questioning, its wheb you grab one and start beating the crap out of him
GreatGeak 8
I would have held them my car for a cop to come pick them up. if they bother to struggle, I get the pleasure of holding them down.
thejewishfuhrer 17
You saw 4 kids keying your car, and your only response was to "question" them about it?
LookOnBrightSide 12
2-I'd go Clint Eastwood on those kids. Leave no survivors. The question I would ask is, "You gotta ask yourself one question...'Do I feel lucky?' Well do ya, punk?"
alstbv12 13
".44 magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world" I also love the way the guy on the ground says "I gotsta know" ... Man that movie should be required in school.
heyred 11
That's why I carry.
Link5794 18
I'd key their faces.
wokawokanomnom 5
... And thats when i killed them your honor.
jabfinch 9
Think I would be bitch slapping some kids.
lebronesque73091 12
There would be four missing children if that was me.
philipino 24
79- they wouldn't be missing. They would be flattened by my car, with their keys up their asses and holes in their genitals. And, do you know their names and addresses?
philipino 24
Do you, MC Turtledick? Do you know their names?
philipino 24
Do you, MC Turtledick? Do you know their names?
thegr8tdbate 4
Should of roundhouse kicked them in the face
Mister_Triangle 21
Which part of "should of" makes logical sense to you? Think about what you type; words have actual meanings, ya know?
thegr8tdbate 4
Oops I didn't proof read my post before before hitting send. I meant for it to say "should've". Now I just feel dumb....
thegr8tdbate 4
Even that still sounds lazy now that I sound it out. Ewe
overcastlexi 0
Should have *
boomhauer18 3
All you people do is try and correct people for mispelling words yall need to get alive
Furrywhiplash 14
39- I am alive. Oh look, I'm using punctuation too! This proper English thing is tricky for you isn't it?
Gottobekiddingme 7
RRrrrrroadhouse!
thegr8tdbate 4
Nobody laughs anymore...
ninjuh_wingman 29
I would've slapped the shit out of them.
Kaffle 5
You could have always peed on them *shrugs*
CoolBreezeKing 8
Hahaha yea that makes u guys even
SpruceDread4578 13
Not yet, you must still cratch them mercilessly with your keys.
tennis_jens 5
Yea and then your now on the sexual predator listings.
DrFuzzyPickles 9
Key first, pee later. Make them burn.
SpruceDread4578 13
*scratch. Oh keyboards are so not made for bigger fingers.
yahoowizard 16
Time to go brand your initials into their skin. Then make them be grateful that you didn't pee on them too.
cBlackout 13
That's seriously ****** up.
Pentium_4 27
bunch of punks, they think it's funny....it'll happen to them when they have their own car and they'll wonder why the world "hates them so much"
mama2b3 20
I love when you can find the silver lining in a bad situation :D
jonriise18 3
****. I woulda rather the piss on my car. But I think I would do more than question them. "Um, excuse me. Sorry to bother you but I noticed you ******* UP MY CAR! Why is that?"
awwwyeah_png 4
That response was epic! Laughed my ass off!
boomhauer18 3
Nice one
lol_ironic_life 9
In my mind I read your comment in Stewie's voice :D OP I would've been so mad there would not be any questioning of any sort! They better be glad you weren't someone that was crazy, and carried a firearm.
jonriise18 3
Appropriate. I DO have an English accent. Maybe it was meant to be.