Why would I do that to me?

By car keyer - 02/12/2013 06:41 - United States - Mary Esther

Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML
I agree, your life sucks 20 782
You deserved it 54 775
Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…
Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Next

Top comments

Comments

Welshite 39

He still made an attempt to drive; which is inexcusable.

104 4
BntyHntrSeattle 30

Well he should thank whatever supreme being looks over his sorry ass for preventing him from driving.

77 2
skittyskatbrat 19

His ass? The ass of everyone else on the road at that time!!!

29 2
JesterJosh 5

He could've been getting something out of his car so it wouldn't sit there overnight. Then hopped in with a friend or Taxi. He even could've just been grabbing something to show his friends or whatever. Point is: Nothing in this FML suggests he was going to drive so calm your ****.

8 48
KawaiiCupcake 14

OP is so ******* unresponsible! You know what shit would happen if you got in that car!! ******* seriously, drunk driving is no joke!!

11 4
NotAddictive 6

88-He was trying to get in his vehicle. That's enough to make me think he was going to drive...

19 0
Wimoweh 10

88. Since when has any shit drunk guy opened his car to do anything other than attempt to drive? What, he's going to get his notes so he can study for his biology test? Likely.

12 0
Turrence 9

Yeah, OP should have known they deserved it.. What an idiot.

10 1
caohm 18

stupid is as stupid does.- Forrest Gump The dude does not abide - The Dude

4 7
shugacube 13

I would have loved to have seen the officers faces as they played the security footage... So many laughs!! Reporting a crime that you committed is too funny!

9 1
Jared900DUmpling 30

YDI for getting so drunk that you couldn't think properly, but FYL as well.

8 52
Kyuzomi 12

There is no FYL in this FML. Everything that happened is a **** the people around him.

39 4
Welshite 39

There are so many stories of drunk drivers causing serious accidents. Hopefully you'll be smarter next time. Still, you deserve it.

79 1
DocBastard 38

Are there? Where can I read such stories?

18 36
Welshite 39

I've heard of a blog created by a deranged trauma surgeon; I highly recommend it. There are such stories of drunk drivers and also step-by-step instructions on how to properly insert a coke bottle up one's bum.

36 2
Sports_guy3 28

It's called Channel 2 Action News, Doc.

2 14
annoyingmous 4

#47, you're not the common idiot. You're an especial kind of idiot. You not only have talent, but your stupidity is also fueled by effort and a huge ambition. Don't worry, some day soon you will be the greatest moron in the world. You are getting so close, you should feel proud.

5 23
DocBastard 38

Annoyingmous - Your username is oddly appropriate.

11 2
tukies 28

I love how people don't understand sarcasm...

2 2
zandalee 19

Be gentle Doc, that was Annoyingmous's first comment... Bless

0 1
Odis12 11

Messing with doc? Soon you'll be deadmou5. (I know, I'm stupid)

2 1
pistachiopanda 19

Hey, at least you didn't drive.. A key element in maintaining a good record.

9 28
Rainhawk94 27

People are too optimistic

4 16
jazzy_123 20

a key element is driving responsibly and not putting your life or anyone else's in danger!

0 1
Awesomeaxel 24

Take it as a blessing. If you had driven you probably would've gotten in a wreck.

24 1
The_Big_Boss 20

There are so many reasons you deserve this. I hope you have a couple grand spare to get it repainted

27 2