Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol...

By gassy - 17/08/2018 18:30

Today, I have to deliver a wedding speech. I also have a cold. That would be bad enough, but ever since I was a kid, if I cough or sneeze, I also fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks 2 830
You deserved it 212

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No big deal, OP. I’m sure you can find a great deal on a buttplug that goes with formal attire.

Ah the lesser known art of snarting.

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Ah the lesser known art of snarting.

If you could do it at will you maybe able to do it in concert. LOL

No big deal, OP. I’m sure you can find a great deal on a buttplug that goes with formal attire.

It wouldn’t be so bad if you knew it would always be just a fart. You know what would be funny? If you shit yourself. I guess it wouldn’t be funny for you.

Make sure you hold the microphone in a good spot so everyone can hear it...

If you do, own it. Laugh once and keep going with your speech. Practice your speech even after you know it by heart.

So literally every time you sneeze or cough you fart? And it's audible? If you have a coughing fit you just fart until it's over? Wonder how that happens.