Today, trying to pocket a little extra cash for himself, my dad responded to multiple babysitting ads on Craigslist, accepting them all on my behalf. I despise children with all my heart. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, the guy whose son I babysat for six hours straight confessed to being broke, then actually asked if he could pay me with sex instead. FML
Threat
Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML
Today, I babysat the Antichrist of all kids. After the 5 long hours were over, his parents came home. Instead of paying me what they agreed, they offered to let me eat some leftovers of a takeout in the fridge. I'm so afraid of confrontation that I accepted. FML
Damien
Today, as an agency babysitter, I was sent to babysit “Satan’s evil twin.” This kid is so bad, the dad pays additional fees to the agency for every time he damages the sitter's personal items, or if they require a hospital visit. His advice was, "Don’t be afraid to hit him back or he will take your eyes." FML
Hold this for me
Today, a lady chased me through the mall because I wouldn’t babysit her kid while she shopped. I hate kids and don’t babysit, especially random ones, and especially not for free. FML
Stiffed
Today, I called my usual babysitter, one of the few people who can handle my difficult kids, to ask her to watch them for a night next week. She refused. It turns out my wife has been repeatedly underpaying her and she's fed up with it. So long date nights, I guess. FML
Little darling
Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on the job. After his mom finally got home 4 hours later, he called her a slut. When he got in trouble for it, he claimed that I taught him the word. Needless to say, I didn't get paid. FML
Today, I found out that when my room-mate agreed to babysit someone's two year old kid for money, what he really planned on doing was dumping it with me. The kid won't stop crying and screaming. FML
A sitter's a sister
Today, I offered to babysit half siblings so my sister didn't have to, but my dad and stepmom said no, because: "Babysitting is a girl's job." FML
Social services
Today, at work I had to handle two selfish parents returning their adopted 6 year-old daughter to foster care because, “She doesn’t, like, fit with our lifestyle, and my mom is, like, too old to babysit her anymore and we, like, can’t afford a nanny.” I hate my job. FML
Top comments
LeFailureInLife 7
I don't think I would trust my kids with some random off of Craigslist.. 0.0
Mama_Umbridge 8
Also being kidnapped sucks. Make sure he comes with you to meet them.
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Comments (159)
williemac987 5
That awkward moment when you are the first comment and you don't know what to say!
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
The awkward moment when you get moderated by the gods.
Mama_Umbridge 8
Also being kidnapped sucks. Make sure he comes with you to meet them.
tellithowitis 13
Op don't forget you were one once, too.
BrickWalls 2
Being kidnapped does suck. I know from experience.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
11, Having been one in no way means she has to like them now. Most of everyone will at some time in their life have qualities they won't enjoy seeing in others later.
kristabelli 19
YDI for "despising children with all your heart." That's harsh, OP! You sound like an evil version of the Grinch. Not all children behave the same - I'm sure you have nieces, nephews, cousins, or siblings who are children. Do you despise them with all your heart????
110_percent 5
@11, yes - we were children once. But now that we've grown up I find it perfectly acceptable to hate them with all my heart, second only to those mad tossers that spill your own drink over you in bars. *Rant over*
TPSerigne 9
It seems as though no one cares.
theten_fml 9
I grab a child. I choke him and I kick the s... out of him. All day long got my foot up a child's ass. Just bang, bang, bang up his ass. That's my pleasure. Oh wait never mind that was for dogs not children. Darn!
AlaskaKid95 7
Not everyone likes kids 44.
naughtia 14
That's an easy job to get fired from, even easier since you despise children.
MeeshaMeeshaPup 8
I wonder if there is a reason why OP hates children. Even though they may upset me sometimes, I love them to death! I don't understand why anyone could dislike them, but that's just me. ^_^
NoOneLovesYou 13
I dislike most because they're sticky, nasty, rude little noise-makers. Most parents where I live don't know how to raise a kid, so in public their brat tends to make a scene. I think I'm entitled to live my life without having to deal with some idiot's spoiled monster ruining my experience. I was raised to be well-behaved in public, and I know people whose children are just as respectful, so there is NO excuse! Even at an older age, children will purposely be a nuisance, just for the sake of getting attention. I can't stand it, I hate other people's brats, and I think that's a fair opinion.
jizzwold 21
134 I think it is a matter of genes. Some kids are just born assholes and others are born mellow as a cello. That being said, **** children. Seriously I hate them so much that it can not be healthy to have so much utter loathing for other human beings. Children are selfish, stupid, ignorant, overconfident douchebags. If they were anything but children people would ostracize them and cast them into the garbage can of humanity. **** kids.
RoseTintMyWorld 8
I don't hate children, I hate the responsibility that comes with them. Having another human being that solely relies on you is terrifying to me. I am in no way responsible enough to even babysit a child.
yayayaa 0
I despise the parents of children that just don't know how to raise them. Some people should just not be allowed to breed !
Meraklez1013 9
Thats gonna suck like ultimately!!!!! I feel sorry....
IAdminIFlow 0
Lawl? Why do you hate children they are a gift!
Sonfang 19
#54, It's perfectly acceptable to dislike children. Not everyone is built to "love" the same things. Some think them a curse, some think them a blessing, for OP s/he doesn't like them. The point is its WRONG for someone else to volunteer you to do work while they pocket the cash. OP you should email everyone back informing them of what happened and include your fathers cell number as a contact.
mama2b3 20
That sucks but he was just trying to help.... I also think your hatred of children is a bit strong...
jskains 6
I don't trust people who hate kids. It says something about their personality.
mama2b3 20
Wow I just realized I totally read this fml wrong. I apologize. I change my opinion of your dad, he's a lazy jerk. The second half of my comment I'm sticking too.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Putting aside a general like or dislike for children, you've got to think about how terrible these particular kids must be that their parents would resort to trusting them with someone from Craigslist.
mnmolino 14
Or how cheap their parents...
tigrouficele2012 44
Nothing's wrong with hating kids. Accepting a babysitting job if you know you hate kids, on the other hand, would be wrong. At least OP knows their limits.
ladyLALAA 29
I used to love kids, until I got a job as a children's party planner, now I hate them. They are loud, always hungry, too full of energy, never do what they're told and then there's he dreaded "but whyyyyyyy?" I would've left the house full of kids and called children's services!
mrssuarez2011 12
Wow. All of you that "hate" kids are...special individuals.
cutiegroove 10
This part is to the children haters negative comments you want at me, but I am the worlds future. When you are dead and gone I will cheer, by the way. I am getting a kick out of your idiotic comments. This part is in response to #146 I have tried to be quiet, but no one listens to me. You can tell me I have nothing good to say but I won't care because I must if you are reading this. Of course I am hungry! I am growing into someone like you (unfortunately). I am very energetic. Why wouldn't I be energetic at a party? I have to sit in school 5 days a week, plus homework. Now don't you complain to me about having to work 7 days a week or some sh*t like that, because that is either what you chose or what you made for yourself. I never chose to go to school. I do do what I am supposed to do sometimes, but I am not wasting my limited years being a kid havng idiots tell me what to do. That's stupid. I a kid is walking naked on tne street, everybody blames the parents. If you were to walk naked on the street the police would be called (I am not trying to insult your appearence or anything so please don't get the wrong idea. I am just saying that when people walk naked on the street, someone tends to call the police. You probably look very nice.) Lastly, I am not gonna do something I don't want to unless I know the reason it has to be done. "Why do I have to clean up the floor when I am doing something when I am not doing something later?" "Why do I have to pack my robe when there are newer cleaner prettier robes supplied by the hotel?" Please write back if you have any questions about why kids do what they do. Sorry for insulting you, I was just a little angry.
blaackandprouud 20
Nope.
barbie_9941 13
you're an idiot. I'm a teenager too and I'm telling you, you're an idiot. You are making yourself look like a fool. First of all, people don't choose to work or "make it for themselves." people work to afford food, etc. Or, as in the case of lazy ***** like you, they go on welfare.
BLEED_MY_SOUL_07 9
Lol no, I also HATE kids.
fantasyworld 39
I know a girl who babysits but doesn't like kids. She complains about them all the time on Twitter.
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Why do I have a feeling children hate you too?
livewire1701 8
Actually I hate children but children love me. My friends get a kick out of it. I think it's because they sense I'm not going to baby them and they usually behave better for me than adults that fawn all over them. For the record I hated children when I was a child. I thought they were disgusting whiny poop machines with the intelligence of pond scum.
shanemaximo 7
Isn't OP's dad kind of pimping her out as a baby sitter?
gators1995 30
Its kind of ironic when people insult kids when they acted like the same spoiled brats when they were little.
Namerkp2 8
You despise children with all of your heart?? Sounds pretty evil lol.
SnowWitney 17
Your dad sounds like a pretty swell fellow.
SnowWitney 17
><. I realized I read the fml wrong after I posted my comment. Excuse my small brain and thank god for edit :D.
torio123 27
you sound like ms trunchbull haha
Wicked361 8
Matilda reference for you people who need to ask
desireev 18
And an awesome one, at that! Very nice reference! :)
Dojan 16
Aah. Matilda played a major role in my childhood.
HateLife66 0
Best movie
Gassystevie 6
Omfg best reference ever
kikidi 6
It says 'for himself', so no, he wasn't trying to be nice
smorz4charmander 4
i TOTALLY understand. i hate kids too >:-P
fatty_mcfathead 0
Says the person with a children's cartoon creature as their prof pic.
silentbutfunny 0
And we were all born 18...
ryanross 11
20- I'm pretty sure Pokémon is for all ages, considering all the people in highschool/college I know that still love the old Pokémon.
artmastr 0
**** you. Period.
iAmScrubs 19
And their location set as Narnia.
Jeffers123 5
Wow u a bitch
downtime 13
Liking childish things doesn't automatically mean one must like children. Think first, then comment.